17 March 2009

Random silliness

I've been a little lax in posting lately. Gee, I wonder why! (The baby ate my brain). Honestly, I just haven't been able to give a shit about anything lately. It's probably baby blues, though I haven't been weepy, so who knows. So anyway, I thought I'd post a little bit of silliness. I used to do a bit of stand up comedy WAY back when, and for some reason (which I'm sure you'll see soon), this bit has been in my mind lately. I've edited, as I long since lost all my notes.

I'm not much of a fashion guru. Surprise! I honestly don't give a shit about clothing, other than that it doesn't bind, doesn't gape, and is easy to get off should I need to rush to the bathroom, or get laid in a pinch. But there is one piece of clothing that I find rather fascinating, and quite amusing. Men's ties. What are these things other than giant arrows saying, "Look at my penis! Here it is! Look at it! I have power! I have privilege! LOOK AT IT!" They're like the upper middle class version of the muscle shirt. The "wife beater shirt". The "I'm so fucking privileged, I can wear a shirt that says I beat women" shirt. That's what ties are. Except you don't have to be an asshole to wear one. You just have to work for an asshole.

And women? Women should not wear ties. Honestly, I'm not usually one to say what women should wear, but when your clothing says, "LOOK AT MY PENIS" and you don't have one? What's it saying? "Uh yeah, look here at my... hmmm... my lack of penis." I mean, it's not saying, "Look at my vagina. Look at my clit, all tucked up under here" Entirely too hidden to be shown off. Besides, how fair would that be? We already have something to show off plastered to our chests!

I love breasts. We can feed hungry children with them - c'mon, admit it, that is all sorts of cool. We can show 'em off, and watch the men fall over themselves. We can downplay them, and still watch the men fall over themselves. But men, guys, dudes. Seriously, stop with the "compliments". (No, not all of you, thank God!) Women don't like that. We find it rude. I know, I know, we're "showing them off" so we should naturally want the comments, right? No. Sorry 'bout that. Just chalk it up to yet another thing you don't understand about women. Cuz I promise you, staring and making cracks about the milk jugs just isn't going to get you laid. I mean, you might as well be wearing a muscle shirt at that point!

There was more, but I can't remember it all now. Had to do with breast-obsessed men being like that simply because it was a toy they didn't have, but desperately wanted. It was a longer set, and it usually did pretty well. Doesn't look as funny in writing, alas. Delivery and all that.

Anyway, since starting this, I heard about the Pope's latest bit of ignorant assholery, so I'm sure that the next post will be a little less silly, and a lot more ranty.