03 April 2009

This is what women like? Really?

I've been watching daytime TV. I know, shoot me, right? Here's the thing. With a new baby, I'm doing a lot of sitting in my recliner, crocheting, and watching TV, because it's too hard to surf the web and nurse the baby. And I've come to the conclusion that either the women who watch daytime TV are dreadfully stupid (not to mention white, middle class, drones), or networks think we are, and we're too passive to do anything about it.

Near as I can tell, daytime tv for women boils down to people telling us how we fail at being parents and wives and what we can do to be perfect in every way. And the shows that aren't this are those that are aimed at people who revel in other people's misery (see: Jerry Springer and various episodes of Dr.Phil - though Dr. Phil is also great for telling women how we fail).

Some of the worst offenders, IMO:

The Mom Show: Two upper middle class, stay-at-home, thin, blonde, white women host this monstrosity. They jabber at each other and the camera in front of a kitchen worth more than my house. Then they have some "experts" on to either tell you what you're doing wrong with your kids, that your clothes aren't good enough, that your home isn't good enough, and that you aren't blowing your husband enough.
Worst part: The hostesses are thin blondes, the therapist "expert" is a thin blonde, the nanny is a fat black woman, the doctor is a white man (on the MOM SHOW). The hosts get giggly and giddy with the male guests, especially the handyman types.

Dr. Phil: O.M.G. I can't do this justice, as my brain explodes inside my skull if I hear his voice for more than about 5 minutes. I *hate* Dr. Phil. If he were on fire, I'd put him out. By throwing him into the ocean. His shows are either about miserable, stupid, vapid assholes, or they're not about him and his friends. And then they still suck.
The worst part: People seem to like this dumb fuck. I've actually had friends quote him at me. Seriously, every time I hear "Dr. Phil says..." I die a little inside.

Oprah: Oh Oprah. You do so much good in the world. But could you shut the fuck up about your weight already? Is it too much to ask that you focus on healthy eating and just be happy with whatever your body does with it?
And honestly lady, "vagina". Say it with me now: Va-gi-na. Not vajayjay. If I hear that ridiculous term again I may have Dr. Phil berate, humiliate, analyze you.

Jerry Springer, Maury Povich, etc.: Capitalizing on misery and stupidity. Hmm. Sounds like they're Conservatives. Need I say more? No, I thought not.

Judge _____: Any show that starts with the word "Judge" or ends with "Court" is another one that capitalizes on misery and stupidity. These are the original reality tv shows. The only reason to watch these is for the quality snark from the judges, and watching stupid people show off their massive idiocy (like watching Conservatives talk). Even the snark isn't redeeming enough for me to watch more than a few seconds. p.s. One of the people I do tech support for thinks this is real. It's about as real as pro wrestling. At least, I hope so. If not, I just may go watch Dr. Phil for a while.

Steven and Chris: AKA Gay and Gayer. Yeah yeah, I have no problem with homosexuality, obviously. What I do have a problem with is the media portrayal of the gay man as fun, flaming and boisterous, but most of all asexual. If either of these guys actually said anything about sex, I suspect they'd be gone faster than a decent drama on Fox (Oh Fox, you bastards, I'm still mad at you about Firefly). And the more flamboyant one, Steven I think, needs to STFU and let the guests speak. That is Beyond Annoying.
The Worst: Now, not only is this a show for women about how we can be the perfect women, it's fed to us by a couple of white men.
The VERY Worst: The cooking segments are good enough that I sometimes catch myself watching this inanity.

WARNING: The following review may does contain language that may make your mother weep.
The Doctors: I hate doctors with a fiery burning passion. And The Doctors? They make me livid with a rage bordering on clinical insanity. I condemn these shit-eating dogs to suck devil cock in hell. Why? Why you ask? Because I've counted, and the longest period of time from me turning to that channel and one of those ratfuckers mentioning the "obesity epidemic" is less than 3 minutes. Really? is that enough for such a condemnation, MsFCS? Why no, not really. But add in that they're doctors, and that one of the panel of regulars is a plastic surgeon, and that *I* personally have caught factual errors in what they've said (and I'm no medical professional), AND that they feed us the mainstream medical bullshit, while mocking alternative medicines, well, I think they can go piss into a transformer.
The Worst Part: EVERYTHING. Who pays for this show? Ah yes, drug companies. May their houses be on CNN.


Pale said...

Pretty much it.

LOL. Good rundown.

I don't have much on in the daytime except treehouse. (toddlers)....Which is often more intelligent than the soaps and talk shows. Heh.

The Mommy show just makes me feel embarrassed for mommies everywhere.

Blogging keeps my brain from oozing outta my ears, CNN keeps me laughing though. :)

Anonymous said...

You said it. And aptly. Try TVO. I like watching Peep and The Big Wide World when I need a break.

Luna said...

Pale: My toddler watches NOTHING but Curious George. I've got many many eps recorded on the PVR, and he watches it a lot. He won't watch anything else right now. (Mind you, he's autistic.)

Luna said...

liliannattel: I'm in BC. We don't get TVO. At least not on my cable selection.

I do like Peep though. :)

Anonymous said...

I don't have any children, but having a chronic illness and being exposed to this daytime crap has actually led me to consider what I would do in the event that my illness improves and I have a child. I would have to invest in one of those PVRs.

These days, I am sick and watching 24 on DVD...I have gone through most of the other shows on DVD. I can't figure out if it is entirely imperialistic propaganda or if there is some subversion in there.

Anyway, thanks for the good blog post which has been an enjoyable diversion for today.