Have you seen the "Catholics Come Home" ads?
Come on, baby. Come back to me! I promise I won't hit you again. And that whole thing with your kids? I didn't do it! And even if I did, it was their fault! And even if it wasn't, they got over it. And what, they're like 30 now right? Ew. And anyway, I've got it all under control now. So come back. You know you're worthless without me. You'll burn in Hell without me and you know it! Come back so I can make you feel good again. Oh, and bring your grandkids.