29 October 2010

omg! teh fat!

Why Teachers "encouraging" fat kids to lose weight isn't a good idea.

Do yourself a huge favour and don't read the comments on the cbc.ca article. Dear God, people are ignorant assholes.

My own story of OMG TEH FAT!
I'm an "in-betweener". That is, I don't fit into most clothes at regular shops, but I'm too small for the clothes at plus-sized stores. Reitmans usually has clothes I can wear. That's about it. So, I'm not a huge woman, but I'm not small either. The vast majority of my fat is around my midsection. I call it my built-in life preserver. I cannot lose weight. I have tried every diet, every exercise regime, you name it. I have never intentionally managed to lose a single pound. No yo-yo dieting unless that yo-yo is perpetually walking the dog. If I gain a pound, it's on for good. Unless I have one of my "WTF? I'm losing weight!" periods. No clue as to what that's all about. Have stopped caring. So, now I walk the kids and the dog, chase the kids, and eat pretty much what I feel like eating within the limited things I am able to eat without getting sick (I have Celiac Disease - no gluten products, no gluten-contaminated lines, no restaurant food EVER. Also, intolerant of casein - no milk products. And I'm vegetarian.).

My Mom is the biggest source of the fat shaming. What's funny in that lolsob way is that she has no idea she's doing it. She says, "Oh, your brother's girlfriend has really let herself go! She's huge!" And I'm stupid enough to say, "Mother! I'm sure she's not just decided that it's okay to get fat. Clearly there's a problem. Didn't you say she'd hurt her back?" To which Mom replied, "Yes yes, but she's really packed it on. I mean, she's at least as big as you." *sigh* Thanks Mom. Dad used to do it too the odd time. Like he'd comment on how nice someone was, and how it was too bad she was so fat. I think he only did that once in front of me, saw how it hurt me and never did it again. Damage done, though. Mom would police what I ate, though not like some of the stories above. She'd just say things like, "Are you sure you need seconds?" God, that used to piss me off! I'd have thirds just to irritate her. She honestly thought she was helping. My MIL does it to my SIL too. Or used to anyway. Haven't seen it in years.

The worst damage to my self-esteem was when a doctor called me chubby when I was 11. I wasn't. Not by any stretch. I had a fat pad on my belly, and that was it. Until then, I vaguely believed my Mom that the kids were just calling me fat because I was taller and stronger than them. That *evaporated* when that asshole doctor told me I was chubby. I never believed again that I was anything less than gross. Stupid, because I wasn't actually overweight by any standard, including the ridiculous BMI, until I started taking hormones at 16. And even then, I wasn't fat. The fat happened after the first baby and with the Depo-Provera debacle. Man, that shit fucked me up! And how horrible I felt. Gah. Mom kept making comments about how it would come off eventually. My husband said he didn't care at all, it was me he loved. But I didn't believe him, and I wanted him to love my body too. I mean, I was totally wrapped (typo: warped) up in that cultural b.s. that a man as good looking as my darlin' couldn't possibly be attracted to someone as gross as me. I have since come to believe that he does. Though there are still days when I wonder why. Days when my self-esteem is wrapped into my body shape. Fortunately, those days are fewer and fewer.

I'm still privileged to be thin-ish. I don't have people staring at me when I walk by. I don't have people harassing me when I grocery shop or eat in public. I don't ever think, "Holy shit, I'm the fattest person in the pool". I still go to the pool.

My favourite author (one of 'em anyway) wrote in one of his books,
“...Big lush women and small slight men go through life wrapped around a softball-sized chunk of pain; it breaks some of them and makes others magnificent. She was magnificent. Clearly visible on her face, written plain for any fool to see, were the character, will power, self-discipline, self-respect and warm sexiness which common wisdom said she could not possibly have without automatically becoming skinny...”