19 July 2011

Insert witty post title here...

Sometimes I think God is just screwing with me. Or I would if I believed that God worked that way. I'm pretty sure God's not just thinking of ways to drive me insane, and I'm virtually positive that God can't work in this world without using people to do it, but every once and a while, when I'm dead tired and feeling paranoid, I wonder. :)

So, as I've mentioned elseweb, MrFCS is in Toronto this week (HAHA Sucker! Hope you're enjoying the heatwave!) and I'm alone with the kids. Now, the vast majority of the vast majority of days, I barely make it through without tears. And that's with my darlin' husband there to help. So, what happens? Crackle decides sleep is bullshit and stays up until midnight wrecking up the place. Snap, who swore up and down that she would be so very much help, lost it. And this morning we had to be up extra early to go to their groups. No sleeping in. Okay... so I managed to get through that with some crying and swearing, but no major meltdowns. I kept telling myself I could go sit in my favourite place and just soak in the quiet. So this morning, I dropped the kids off and beelined for the open sanctuary at one of the cathedrals downtown. Sat down, took a few deep breaths, started to say a bit of a thank you, and WTF?! Someone started tuning the organ. The enormous pipe organ. The sound was awful. Deafening discordant notes. The same horrible scale a few times over. I waited a few minutes until it became apparent that it was not going to stop any time soon and I got up and left, even more frustrated than I went in.

Okay, so some deep breaths, some fist shaking at the sky, and I figured, Okay... go to the library. Chill. Rant about it to your poor readers. Sat down and got all the way to the WTF in the paragraph above and FUCKING WINDOWS 7 THAT PIECE OF SHIT REBOOTED without warning me. Oh sure, there was a flashing icon on the bar, but nothing that stole focus and actually gave me warning. As soon as I'm finished the video game I've been playing on here, Windows is GONE and I'm putting Linux on this beast.

Now, back to that church I mentioned. I really like that place. I don't go in there and pray (much), but I do go in, sit down and soak up the quiet and peacefulness of the place. What I really like to do is just sit and let my mind go. I allow my brain to go whatever way it wants, meandering around, coming back to whatever is bothering me as much as I need to. I don't stop it, I don't constrain it, I don't try to think of anything. I just let it go. And when it's almost perfectly silent in the room, that is golden for me. I can figure so much out in that time.

So, I'll try again tomorrow. Because my brain is too full. I've got too many things I need to let go of. Like all the suffering in Somalia. There's pretty much nothing I can do about it except pray and donate some money. By the way, if you're looking for a good charity, the United Church's Mission and Service Fund is excellent. I know, it's a Christian charity and they have some bad history, but the UCC's help is not conditional. We help anyone, Christian or not. If you're still worried, try UNICEF. More of their money goes to advertising than the M&S fund, but it's still a good charity doing good work.

So, I have a half an hour left before I have to go pick up the kids. I think I'm going to go find a mindless novel and chill.

LOL! I just looked at my scripture quote for the day:
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

Yeah yeah, I know. But the reminder is nice.


Ayrdale said...

Hi from New Zealand.

It's a long road sometimes isn't it ?

Psalm 116 1-2

Luna said...

Hi Ayrdale, it sure is! Nice scripture choice. Thanks.