18 August 2011

Throat-Punch Thursday: Leashes

If you don't read Rants from Mommyland, what the hell are you waiting for? CLICK THE LINK, DAMMIT. Lydia and Kate are geniuses and their blog is truly entertaining. And I'm not just saying that because they're going to let me write a post for them. I did a Domestic Enemies piece and it's going to run sometime. I expect you to read them EVERY DAY to see if my post is there. bwahahahaha!

Anyway, comrades, I've decided to give myself ideas, I'm going to attempt one of those weekly style dealies (bask, bask, I say, in my graceful language use). So today? Throat-punch Thursday. I'm thinking throat-punches are completely appropriate for people who say REALLY stupid shit.  Maybe I'll do a Finger-Snappin' Friday for stupid shit I read on the internet. I dunno though. There's only so much stupid I can take. If I go looking for it, we might end up with Suicide Saturday, and then that series would be remarkably short-lived.

In today's Throat-Punch Thursday, I offer you "Your child is not a dog! He should not be on a leash! Try some discipline." Fist of pent-up frustration, meet throat of stupid. Leashes are awesome for kids who bolt. They're fabulous for kids who hate to hold hands. And as for discipline, what exactly do you think leashes are for? They're for teaching kids the discipline of not running off. Hello? Were you saying something? Oh, sorry, I couldn't hear you over the gurgling in your throat.

Have you seen the video of the woman dragging her kid through the store on a leash? Every time I look at it, I think that a) she must have been having a hell of a day; b) why didn't anyone ask to help? c) If the kid isn't hurt, what's the difference between dragging him along a shiny, smooth floor, and picking him up kicking and screaming? I mean, it's not like he was getting rug burn or road rash. d) Crackle would love it if I did that to him. Pop too, I suspect. Crackle would have been giggling the whole way. Or at the very least grinning his face off and squealing with glee. Without sound, there's no context for the video.

Next time you see a kid on a leash, smile at the parent. Because I guarantee that parent has gotten at least 5 dirty looks in the last 10 minutes.

Speaking of dirty looks... EYE-GOUGE! Ferfucksake. If you are so passive-aggressive that you have to show your displeasure to someone but are too cowardly to say something to their face, at least write an amusing note. Because the dirty looks are really pushing the douchecanoe into the swamp. Next one I get, I'm turning to  them and saying, "Yes? You were thinking of saying...?"