24 November 2011

You might be an autism parent if...

There's been an interesting hashtag on Twitter lately. #youmightbeanautismparentif is wonderful. I've laughed so hard at some of them. And at least one literally brought tears to my eyes.
test
any time you buy a toy or book - you wonder whether it will be used for therapy or for reinforcement.
Oh yes. Oh yes. I have a bazillion toys. Some we use as therapy, to get him playing with toys. Some we use as reinforcement - he gets to play with them if he does something he doesn't want to, like repeat a sound or say a word. Or put on pants. I mean, who can blame him? Pants are bullshit. But sometimes they're necessary, so put on pants, get to play with the annoying toy that you love so much.

the line "One day you'll be begging for them to be quiet!" from other parents makes you wanna cry.
I may kill a bitch if I hear this again. Of course, now that he's almost 6, they've stopped. But honestly, when he was 3 and saying nothing, and I was getting him speech therapy for copious amounts of money, I just wanted to scream when I'd hear that. Crackle still doesn't talk. Pop does.

You celebrate the simple things, like a peaceful car ride or a full night's sleep.
Wait, what? These things exist? 

sentences like "___ peed down the heat vent again" is a normal thing to say/hear in your house
ROTFL. How many times a week do I say, "Crackle peed on the floor of his room again" or "Crackle stacked up all his shirts and peed on them again"? I'm guessing 5 to 7 times a week.

your home could pass for a sensory gym or special needs school because of all the stuff you have for your kid.
Actual quote from a therapist, "This place is great! It's like an OT living room!"
Actual quote from a visiting kid, "WOW! Look at all the toys! WOW! Mom, do you see this?! WOW!"

you know your child is the cleanest kid in the building - 3 baths and counting.
It's a good thing I live on the west coast where water shortages aren't an issue. Crackle has between 1 and 6 baths per day. 6 bath days are rare, but they happen. Those are days when he's what I so eloquently refer to as "melty-downy". Bathing seems to help him calm down.

you find yourself celebrating and heartbroken - at the same time and for the exact same reason.
And there are the tears. Just the other day, I was totally celebrating because Crackle said "Mom" for the first time in several years. That's huge. (He also said syrup if that gives you a clue where I stand with him in terms of importance). And then I realized I was celebrating a 5.5 year old saying "Mom" and I started to cry.

ETA:
You avoid Black Friday like it's the Black Plague.
This one had me in stitches. I can just imagine Pop in a Black Friday crowd. He'd say, "HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME" until he was at home for at least 20 minute.

And Crackle? He'd happily sit in the shopping cart and eventually would fall asleep. I have no clue what's going on in his brain. He loves Future Shop, Costco, etc. The usual places that most Autism Parents have to avoid. LOVES them. If they're busy enough, like Costco on Saturday, he dozes off in the cart.