11 February 2014

Budget Day Anger

Holy CRAP do I ever have a hard time being a Christian on budget day. Love my enemy? I loathe conservatives. The heartless, cold disdain for anyone but themselves is infuriating. You know how I say anger comes from fear, right? Well, that's certainly true of my anger with the Cons. I'm afraid of what they'll do to this country. I'm afraid of what they're doing to people right now. I'm afraid for the youth, the poor, the environment.

I'm angry on behalf of the trans community for what happened to Avery Edison. A trans woman locked up in a men's prison?! Are you even kidding me? Fortunately, the NDP cares, and between Randall Garrison and Peggy Nash, they got her the hell out of there. I'm angry because I'm scared of what happened to her, and that it could happen again. That's not okay. Ever.

Anger doesn't work for me. I can't use it to motivate myself. Not often anyway. I'm much better with a quiet determination that comes from looking at something, deciding I don't like it, and working to change it. Anger usually leads to me throwing things, kicking things, drinking too much, and swearing at people. Often the ones who deserve it, but also plenty who don't.

I'm filled with hatred and disgust today. It's not working for me, but I'm still doing it. I'm utterly livid with the people who think that government employees are leeches. That they milk the system. Take tons of extra sick days. Etc. It's bullshit, of course. In part I'm mad because I know how hard my husband works, and how important his project is. In part I'm mad because I know that they're trying to sell public sector cuts by turning people against hard working people like Tony. In part, I'm mad because I hate that our country is filled with people who are so scared that someone might be getting something "for free" that they rejoice when their jobs are cut.

This is Canada now? The US with better heath care and without the guns?

I don't like it. Not one fucking bit. And right now, I'm MAD. Because I'm scared that I'm stuck with living in a place I'm growing to hate. And before anyone chirps at me to leave if I don't like it, I would. But I have disabled kids. No one will take me. Because of policies just like the ones you vote for.

Harper was right about one thing. I won't recognize Canada when he's done with it.