Feminist Christian Socialist

Passing the hat

2012-01-27T14:37:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed the widget on the right. I'm asking for money. I HATE asking for money. But this is my kids. I'd crawl across glass for my kids. And I intend to even cross into the United States for them - something I swore I'd never do. Read on:

Snap is almost 17. She was diagnosed late and hasn't received treatment. She's high-functioning, but needs a little extra help. I'm not asking for this for her though, even though it will benefit her too. We can manage her help on our own. We're asking for help for our boys.

Crackle is almost 6. He's almost totally non-verbal. and almost totally disconnected fromhis older brothers and only nominally relates to his Dad and me. Wehave been praying for a miracle, while also researching and exploringmedical pathways. Like every other set of parents, we want our childto fulfill his potential. Without special intervention, our boy’sfuture is extremely limited.

Pop is turning 3 soon. He's verbal and much more connected with us. He's higher-functioning. However, he's full of anxiety and is quite limited in interests. We want to keep him from regressing and teach him that the world isn't as scary as he thinks.

Government programs for Crackle have failed miserably. And anyway, at 6, he's all but cut off from them. We'd rather not wait for them to fail with Pop too.

In the last few months we’vefound a center that is having high levels of success bringingchildren through their state of autism: The Son-Rise Program at theAutism Treatment Center of America (for more information see theirwebsite: http://www.autismtreatmentcenter.org/).

I plan to travel to theAutism Treatment Center of America in April for the Son-RiseProgram Start-Up Program to learn how to run a home-based program forour sons, and then I want to return for a week of intensivetraining. Through this training we will be able to work moreeffectively with the boys over the next several years to help them through their autism. The success rate of The Son-Rise Program instillshope in us for his freedom from this mysterious condition. It isdifficult for us to understand fully the issue of autism andreversing it, but we are diligently trying to do so for thesake of their future.

In order for us to attend thesetraining sessions, we must come up with about $10,000 for these twotraining sessions, expense of travel, and help around the house while I'm gone. Of course, we will personally carryas much of this as we can, but with a single income —and three kids—we will need some help. Therefore, we are asking family and friends that can do so, toconsider helping us with the expenses associated with this training. We're hoping to raise $3000 for the first trip (see the widget).

It is not our intentions to place youin an awkward position, and we assure you that we fully understandand respect the fact that you may not be able to help. However, ifyou can, we will forever appreciate it.

We plan to leave for Massachusetts on April 21 , 2012 so your rapid response will really help. If you wantto visit with us about any of this, feel free to email selenie@gmail.com . Wewould love to hear from you, whether you can or cannot help with thecosts.

We would not ask this favor if it wasfor us, but our concern for our boys compels us to humble ourselves andask. Thanks for reading our note, praying for us if that is your way, and for anyfinancial help you might be able to give.

With sincere thanks,

Luna and Tony

P.S. If we receive more money than weneed, we will quickly return the extra.
P.P.S. If you're not a fan of Paypal, email me, and I will provide an address and real name.

DSM-V and all that nonsense

2012-01-26T14:46:00.000-08:00

Well crap. I thought I'd posted this on Monday. I guess not. Anyway, here it is:

The Autism community is freaking out this week about changes to the autism diagnosis, and I can't say that I blame them. The high-functioning folks are worried that they'll test out - that is, be too high functioning for diagnosis and by extension, services. The low-functioning folks are worried that their autism symptoms will be attributed to their intellectual disability and not vice versa. So, for example, Jim has low-functioning autism and an IQ of 50. Jim's autism isn't caused by his low IQ, but some of the symptoms, like inability to understand complex directions, could be attributed to it. Enough of that goes on, and he tests out of autism and into developmentally disabled, mentally retarded, intellectual disability. Everyone is scared.

A classic autism symptom: lining up objects

And why not? It's not like the services we get now are even close to enough. The schools are terrible at accommodating our children now. Take their diagnoses away and there's no funding. No funding, no IEPs, no aides. No fun for anyone. And services for adults? Even worse. Just try living on the paltry sum the government deigns to give you for disability. $750/mo here in BC. Considering the average price of a 1 bedroom apartment is about $675, good luck. Especially if you need meds. Or enjoy eating.

I'm not overly concerned for the low-functioning folks. Reason being, I think the latest versions of the proposal took out the clauses about the symptoms not being otherwise explained by other developmental disabilities - that's where their worry was. I'm pretty sure they're not going to get squeezed out. The Aspies? Maybe. There might be issues there. My Aspie would certainly still qualify. Pop? Maybe not. But that's because of extensive biomedical interventions. Remove those and his symptoms intensify considerably.

There are several problems with autism diagnosis. 1) It's very hard to differentiate between unusual and abnormal. Where is the defining line? 2) It's a spectrum disorder. Everyone is different. No two people with Autism are identical; 3) There seem to be a number of underlying causes of autism. Some people have mitochondrial dysfunction. Some have heavy metal poisoning. Some have genetic copies or deletions. Some have low folate levels in their spinal fluid. Etc. To me, this means there are dozens of different disorders causing a set of problems in the same areas of the brain. And that leads to the problem I think is the worst: 4) Autism is not a psychiatric disorder. It shouldn't be in the DSM at all. Autism is a neurological disorder. It is physical. It is biological. It is not brought on by trauma or abuse. (FWIW, there are a good number of "psychiatric" disorders that are neurological)

So why are they doing this? They claim that there are too many cases of autism now. That their diagnostic criteria were too broad. Um, or how about there are more and more cases of it because of the onslaught of environmental toxins causing genetic defects? Every. Single. Family. in my complex has at least one kid with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. It's bizarre. And then I remember we live next to a golf course that sprays pesticides all over the place all summer. You cannot redefine the disorder and have any kid change. It's like changing the poverty level and then congratulating yourself for lowering the poverty rate. The bottom line is that there is a larger number of disabled kids than ever and something needs to change. But it's not the diagnostic criteria.

SNOW!

2012-01-19T10:47:00.000-08:00

We got a little snow yesterday. Every snow day in Victoria is Snowmageddon, or alternatively, SNOW MY GOD! Because we are not equipped to deal with it. Not enough plows, not enough sanders, and worst of all, not enough room. That is, the roads here are very narrow. Not Europe narrow, but they're certainly a hell of a lot narrower than in Regina or Edmonton. So when we get one of these babies, plows can't even get down some streets because of the cars parked on them.

Anyway, I'm not bitching. It's easier to send the kids out to play in the snow than it is in the rain. And I live close enough to walk to a grocery store, so I'm set. I do rather feel sorry for the people who live up in the hills with the glorious views of the city who can't get down their roads. Oh, no wait. I don't. HAHAHAHA.

Newt Gingrich: Asshole

2012-01-08T21:16:00.000-08:00

Newt Gingrich is such an asshole. This is not news. The Simpsons made fun of him tonight, which is just made of win. Homer had his own show on Fox News (though they didn't call it that, it was pretty obvious) and Marge said something to him about how awful he was. He said, "Oh Marge. It's just a character. Like Stephen Colbert. Or Newt Gingrich." God, how I love The Simpsons.

Anyway. Last week, the blowhard said, "On Thursday morning, the two points came together when he said he would go to the NAACP convention and explain "why the African-American community should demand paychecks and not be satisfied with food stamps."

Um, no. There are so many things wrong with this, it's not even funny. First of all, most people getting food stamps also work. They work shitty, lousy, hard, miserable jobs for too many hours for too little money. No one lives on food stamps and is "satisfied" with it. Second, propagating negative stereotypes like 'the lazy black man' doesn't help anyone and is just plain wrong. Third, is it even true that a disproportionate amount of black people are on food stamps? I honestly don't know. This indicates that, yes, that might be the case, with the exception of the Dakotas (because hello. if you're black and impoverished, you get the fuck out of the Dakotas if you can). So, is one's conclusion that black people get food stamps because they're too lazy to get good jobs? HELL NO. Could it be that black folks get crappier jobs and need food stamps because of racism? Hell yes.

Now, when I first heard what Gingrich said, my first thought was "YES!" but that's because I was coming at it from a socialist angle. Hell yes, the impoverished working class should stand up and say "NO! This is not enough. This is not acceptable. We need good jobs. We need benefits. We need health care. We need good food and good food availability. We need daycare. We need to be paid what we're worth." But that's not what Newt was saying, and I knew that immediately because I *never* agree with that over-privileged piece of festering shit and so I had to step back and figure out what he was saying and what I was hearing and how they differed.

I used to joke that Canada had elected Newt Gingrich and a parliament of Newts and Kucinichs. But Newt? He's like Harper if he thought he could say whatever he wants. Like drunk Harper. It's scary shit. I mean, this is what he's saying while campaigning? What the hell would he do with power?

Merry Christmas!

2012-01-04T16:24:00.000-08:00

It's still Christmas until 12th Night. So there. Another Advent, another Christmas. Come and gone. Onwards to Epiphany, which I think is my favourite celebration of the whole Christian year. Because I'm weird. But you knew that.

This year, all through Advent, I told everyone and anyone that I wanted charitable gifts for Christmas. Didn't get a single one. I think people are way too set on the idea that they have to give a Thing. I told my Mom that I'd like some of the dried garlic she got me a few years ago, and that was enough. With the rest of the money, buy an Oxfam gift. No. She bought me a casserole dish I don't need, Tandoori spice with recipes (all of which were for meat - I'm vegan. Mentioned this to Mom. She said, "Well, some were chicken." Uhhh, okay... I said, "Chicken is meat. I don't eat it." Mom: "Not even a little?" Oh well. Tandoori potatoes?), some plastic cookware I won't use (PLASTIC? In the microwave? No way.) Now, I don't want to sound ungrateful. I love that she was trying to help me out in the kitchen. God knows I spend enough time there what with all the allergies. But I didn't need all that stuff. And someone did need to eat. Or be protected from malaria. Or have a place to go if her husband was beating her. Or have a warm place to sleep.

[AC] Promo 2011 from Advent Conspiracy on Vimeo.

It's not too late. The problems aren't gone.

Oh Christmas. I love Christmas. I love seeing the joy on my little guy's face when he opens a present. I love the lights. I love the hustle and bustle. I love the food. I adore the mulled wine a little too much. I love the message of being saved. Of God's love, Of hope for the future.

I didn't love that Crackle was so sick from gluten (RAAR. HULK MAMA MAD. AUTISM SERVICE PROVIDER NOT KEEP BABIES SAFE FROM EVIL AWFUL GLUTEN! HULK SMASH. HULK NOT SEND BABIES BACK TO THEM.) We couldn't even go to church because Crackle was absolutely hysterical all day on the 24th and not much better on the 25th. We're at almost 4 weeks post-gluten and he's JUST getting back to normal. Like today.

So why do I like Epiphany? It's pretty simple. And somehow I can't quite write it. Revealing God the Son to the Magi, the wise men from afar, made it clear that God's love is for everyone. That we're all the same. That there is no room for intolerance, bigotry, racism, or hatred, in Christ. There's no "Us" and "Them". Everyone "belongs" to God. We are all of God. And it doesn't matter if we call him God, Allah, Jehovah, Yahweh, Vishnu or any other name. And it's okay if we don't believe. God loves us. Pretty sure God would like to be acknowledged and loved back, but also pretty sure he's got his big boy panties on and won't condemn someone to an eternity of misery for not seeing him. My God's just not vindictive that way. Better not be, because I've gotten pretty mad at God a time or two. Like shaking my fist in anger and screaming, "FUCK YOU. YOU BASTARD!" kind of angry. We're good now though. Mostly.

I so wish people would stop twisting the message into "Jesus is for everyone. Therefore everyone MUST have Jesus as their Saviour OR ELSE!" It's not that God isn't Great (as the late Christopher Hitchens said) it's that people are pretty damn good at Missing the Fucking Point and/or Warping the Message.

God talk...

2011-12-18T18:19:00.000-08:00

I got an amazing compliment today, and so I am going to share it, because ~~EVERYONE should know how AWESOME I AM~~ I'm really proud of it, and it inspired this post.

[my name] you are my idea of the way people of faith should be. You don't flaunt it or judge others. You are compassionate and kind. If all religious people were like you, I would be more inclined to embrace it.

Wow. Why don't you nominate me for "mother of the year" while you're at it? My ego is going to coast on this for a while.

So now my brain is whirring. Okay, it's usually whirring, but that's white noise. This is going somewhere. I think. We'll see. I'm wondering what a person of faith should be? I mean, we're called to spread the word. But how? And what word? That God is good? That Christ is the Way, the Truth and the Light? That only straight people who pray to the right God are going to heaven, so get with the program? That you can be as much of an asshole as you like as long as you believe in Jesus you're good?

So obviously I'm not on board with most of that. I'm pretty much only okay with the first part. God is Good. (The Way, the Truth, and the Light? I dunno. I have a hard time with that one. How about "a Way, a Truth, a Light"? I'd really like to see the original! Oh well, it doesn't really matter what I believe.) And how do I go about showing that to people? Well, Jesus was pretty clear. Love thy neighbour. Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me. Oh, and he wasn't kidding about that last part, I don't think. I'm pretty sure he meant we're all divine in our own way. We all have a spark of the divine. We are all wonderful if we choose to be. Treat someone poorly, and it's not like you're treating God that way, you are treating God that way, because everyone is of God. Yeah, I'm rambling again. I have a hard time pulling all my thoughts about the topic together coherently. You should see the looks on the Mormon missionaries' faces when I start going on. Hehehe. I love inviting them in and then debating this stuff.

I'm really tired of people using God as a weapon. Do this or you'll go to hell! Be this way or burn for eternity! Puhleeze. First off, only God gets to judge. So quit it. I know some of the rules are laid out clearly, but you don't know what's in that person's heart. And you don't have God's grace. So quit it. You're told to love everyone. That means EVERYONE. No matter what. So fucking quit it with the judgmental b.s. If you want people to see that God is good, show them. Don't go on about how nasty they are and how God hates them or hates what they're doing. Just be a decent human being.

tl;dr: Don't be a douchebag.

p.s. I'll bet the farm that God doesn't give a shit about football. Maybe I'm wrong. But I'll bet it all on that one.

An imperfect analogy - but I like it

2011-12-01T15:25:00.001-08:00

It seems to me that many First Nations treat their lands in a way similar to the way some Christians treat their churches. As holy, sacred, and precious. Try telling a church member that the church is “only a building”. Then tell them to imagine that all of their ancestors for as long as anyone can remember went to that church. Now imagine someone coming in and telling them they can only use one pew. One with an obstructed view, that gets feedback from the speakers. And then, after all that, tell them that if they have a problem with that, it’s their fault. They could have gone to that synagogue down the street years ago.

That's how "Why don't they move?" strikes me.

If you think I'm exaggerating about how some churches treat their buildings and the stuff in them, consider that at one church I attended, there was a HUGE fight about the removal of 4 pews from the sanctuary. When those pews were sold, there were actually people who cried. 4 pews. Out of a few dozen. And hymnals that are 50 years old, no one wants them, and they're falling apart and attracting silverfish? Don't even suggest that they should be recycled! All hell breaks loose.

Attawapiskat and Autism. Seriously. I connected them.

2011-12-01T14:38:00.001-08:00

Bear with me. I'm sick. My kids are sick. And Crackle just had a seizure from hell.

I'm watching the Attawapiskat story closely. I'm trying not to read comments, as they just piss me the fuck off. The best takedown of the whole situation is here.

A few points I feel like stressing:
1) The only way to get Harperco to act like they give a shit about you is to get other people to embarrass them - i.e. They refused to do anything until the Red Cross said they would.
2) Embarrassing Harperco will result in your punishment. They slapped down the Atiwapiskat community hard by putting it under someone else's control.
3) Harperco, and the Liberal shitheads before them, believe that throwing money at a situation fixes everything. And if it doesn't, it's because someone is stealing it. Funny how they'd jump to that conclusion. Says something about what they would do with money thrown at them. Like our tax money. Steal it, mismanage it, spend it on themselves. Pretty much what they're accusing the aboriginal leaders of.

4) This is the big one. In the article at the link above, the writer says,

Shockingly, the federal government does not always have clear program objectives, nor does it necessarily specify specific roles and responsibilities for program delivery, and has not established measures for evaluating performance in order to determine if outcome are actually met.
What!?
That’s right. The federal government is not keeping track of what it does, how it does it, or whether what it is doing works. The Auditor General recommends the federal government fix this, pronto. How can a community rely on these services if the federal government itself isn’t even clear on what it is providing and whether the programs are working?

That's right. And that's the problem with Autism funding at the provincial level too. They throw money at us, dictate how we can spend it, and on whom, and then don't keep track of what they do, how they do it, or whether what it is doing works.

How can a community rely on these services if the [federal] government itself isn’t even clear on what it is providing and whether the programs are working?

Indeed.

edit: Fixed spelling.

You might be an autism parent if...

2011-11-24T15:08:00.001-08:00

There's been an interesting hashtag on Twitter lately. #youmightbeanautismparentif is wonderful. I've laughed so hard at some of them. And at least one literally brought tears to my eyes.

any time you buy a toy or book - you wonder whether it will be used for therapy or for reinforcement.

Oh yes. Oh yes. I have a bazillion toys. Some we use as therapy, to get him playing with toys. Some we use as reinforcement - he gets to play with them if he does something he doesn't want to, like repeat a sound or say a word. Or put on pants. I mean, who can blame him? Pants are bullshit. But sometimes they're necessary, so put on pants, get to play with the annoying toy that you love so much.

the line "One day you'll be begging for them to be quiet!" from other parents makes you wanna cry.

I may kill a bitch if I hear this again. Of course, now that he's almost 6, they've stopped. But honestly, when he was 3 and saying nothing, and I was getting him speech therapy for copious amounts of money, I just wanted to scream when I'd hear that. Crackle still doesn't talk. Pop does.

You celebrate the simple things, like a peaceful car ride or a full night's sleep.

Wait, what? These things exist?

sentences like "___ peed down the heat vent again" is a normal thing to say/hear in your house

ROTFL. How many times a week do I say, "Crackle peed on the floor of his room again" or "Crackle stacked up all his shirts and peed on them again"? I'm guessing 5 to 7 times a week.

your home could pass for a sensory gym or special needs school because of all the stuff you have for your kid.

Actual quote from a therapist, "This place is great! It's like an OT living room!"

Actual quote from a visiting kid, "WOW! Look at all the toys! WOW! Mom, do you see this?! WOW!"

you know your child is the cleanest kid in the building - 3 baths and counting.
It's a good thing I live on the west coast where water shortages aren't an issue. Crackle has between 1 and 6 baths per day. 6 bath days are rare, but they happen. Those are days when he's what I so eloquently refer to as "melty-downy". Bathing seems to help him calm down.

you find yourself celebrating and heartbroken - at the same time and for the exact same reason.

And there are the tears. Just the other day, I was totally celebrating because Crackle said "Mom" for the first time in several years. That's huge. (He also said syrup if that gives you a clue where I stand with him in terms of importance). And then I realized I was celebrating a 5.5 year old saying "Mom" and I started to cry.

ETA:
You avoid Black Friday like it's the Black Plague.
This one had me in stitches. I can just imagine Pop in a Black Friday crowd. He'd say, "HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOMEHOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME" until he was at home for at least 20 minute.

And Crackle? He'd happily sit in the shopping cart and eventually would fall asleep. I have no clue what's going on in his brain. He loves Future Shop, Costco, etc. The usual places that most Autism Parents have to avoid. LOVES them. If they're busy enough, like Costco on Saturday, he dozes off in the cart.

Mean on Crime

2011-11-23T14:59:00.001-08:00

Last week, the Globe and Mail reported that the Conservative crime bill would enable prisons to deny prisoners visits from family as a means of punishment for bad behaviour. The G&M calls this "mean-spirited" and I agree. (aside: Seriously, G&M. Could you at least pretend to be objective? I know it wasn't your term, but the Canadian Bar Association's, but quoting it in the headline is not a sign of objectivity.) It's not only mean-spirited, it's counterproductive, and is counter to the teachings of Jesus.

There've been a lot of posts on how counterproductive this is, so I'll sum it up with this: recidivism rates are higher when prisoners don't have visitors. So... duh. Counterproductive. Unless your agenda is to increase prisoner rates so that you can pay contractors to build prisons...

But what really strikes me is that these so-called Conservative Christians are completely ignoring Jesus. Again.

Jesus said to his disciples: "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, escorted by all the angels, then he will take his seat on his throne of glory. All the nations will be assembled before him and he will separate people one from another as the shepherd separates sheep from goats. He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
Then the King will say to those on his right hand, 'Come, you whom my Father has blessed, take for your heritage the kingdom prepared for you since the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food; I was thirsty and you gave me drink; I was a stranger and you made me welcome; naked and you clothed me, sick and you visited me, in prison and you came to see me.'
Then the virtuous will say to him in reply, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you; or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and make you welcome; naked and clothe you; sick or in prison and go to see you?' And the King will answer, 'I tell you solemnly, in so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me.' Matthew 25: 31-40

We're called to visit prisoners (I don't... I just can't bring myself to do it. Maybe someday.) And these guys actually want to be able to take away the prisoners' right to be visited? It's stunningly mean. It goes so far beyond not visiting a prisoner. It's stopping everyone else from visiting! It's mindblowing.

I truly cannot even imagine what they think they're accomplishing here. That they cannot see how vile their actions are isn't surprising, given their track record. But at least, I can usually at least see their twisted reasoning. This one? Not so much.

I took a Sociology of Crime course back when I was working on an undergrad degree. It was a very interesting and very eye-opening class. For so many years I'd been told how soft our system is on young offenders. Apparently not. At the time, Canada had more youth incarcerated per capita than most countries in the world. Top 10 for sure. Maybe Top 5. I don't remember now. I'd like to see the stats now to see what's changed, if anything. I also learned that the vast majority of people in jail (jail, not prison) were in for non-payment of fines. Basically, debtors prisons where the prisoners owes the government. There is not a single fine that we shouldn't allow someone to work off with community service. And during off-hours too. Suppose I get a speeding ticket and I can't afford to pay the fine. They don't let me save up for it. The longer it takes me to pay, the more it costs me. I should be able to walk into city hall with my ticket and say, "I'd like to sign up for community service to pay this off". They pay me minimum wage against my ticket to work. If I have a day job, I can do my service at night. If I have a night job, I can do it during the day. If I have 12 hour shifts, I can do off hours. No one should lose their job because they got a ticket they can't pay. And that's the other problem with incarcerating people who don't pay. If they did have a job, they don't now because they got fired for being in jail. It's ludicrous. And it costs the government a fortune.

Incarceration is for people who are dangerous. Period. There's no excuse for a society to lock up people who don't pay a fine. And there's no excuse for treating prisoners as anything less than human beings with human rights.

Ben Stein: Asshole

2011-11-16T15:09:00.001-08:00

A few years ago, my neighbour sent me this - most of which wasn't actually written by Ben Stein, but is crappy enough that it could have been. He asked for our feelings on it (it was sent to a lot of people) and I wrote a reply, below. My Sister-In-Law posted it again on FB today, and it got me thinking about it, so here's the post:

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, Christmas trees.. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a crèche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to. In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it’s not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us. Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,
Ben Stein

I hope you really meant it that you wanted to know what we thought, because this got long. :)

My feeling is that the world isn't any worse than it used to be, in fact, statistically, it's better. It only seems worse because we are inundated with news 24 hours a day. We hear all the crappy stories of what is going on. Every time someone is killed or there's a hate crime, we hear it. It's not that this is a bad thing. It's that it puts it in our forethoughts, and makes the world seem scarier than ever before.

Also, things that used to be swept under the table, or ignored as "family problems" are out in the open - as they should be. We don't tolerate child abuse like we used to. We don't tolerate domestic violence like we used to. Women are free to work in the jobs they choose. The crime rate is dropping. People who aren't Christian generally aren't afraid to be open about that. We don't force others to believe the way we do any more. I think that's a good thing. I think we're supposed to "show them we are Christians with our love" not our coercion.

That being said, I do like religious displays. And like Stein, I want them to be inclusive. If there's a Christmas display, no problem. But if someone wants a Solstice display, that's got to be okay too. If someone wants a menorah, same deal. But I don't want religion taught in the public schools. I don't want the day to start with the Lord's Prayer unless tomorrow it starts with the prayer of another child's religion. Stein might not feel left out, but the Jewish girl in Snap's class in Grade 3-5 sure did. I can't imagine how outcast she'd feel if it were directly taught that her religion is "wrong". I'm glad Stein isn't threatened by Christianity. But Christianity does have a long history of enveloping other religions, persecuting people of other religions and just being downright bullying. I can completely understand why people demand the right to say no to proselytizing in the public schools.

Stein says, "Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'"

Whooooboy is this off. Are we really asking ourselves why our children have no conscience? I'm not. I don't buy the assumption behind this that kids really don't have a conscience. Most of them do. The vast majority don't kill strangers or classmates or themselves. And what about the kids who do? What made them that way? I honestly don't think it's because there's no religion taught in school. It's because of poverty, abuse, and/or mental illness. Those things aren't new in the last few years. Oh yeah, and Dr. Spock's son did not commit suicide. He's alive and doing fine.

And those commandments that Stein says we don't teach in school? Most of them we do, just not in those words. We teach social justice, morality and tolerance. Pretty much all of them, except the first 3 (or 4, depending on which tradition one follows). And as I recall, those don't have much to do with hurting other people.

I do very much agree that we reap what we sow, though. We are part of the society that allows people to live on subsistence wages, meaning that kids often grow up without any family around to show them what is right and wrong. We are part of the society that looks the other way when kids abuse other kids and often even when parents abuse kids. We are part of the society that treats mental illness as a personal failure, or ignores it entirely. Look at the homeless and tell me how many of them are mentally ill (for what it's worth, I consider addiction to be a mental illness). We allow this to go on, and have for time immemorial, and we wonder why there are people who kill. And worse, we blame it on the non-believers, because we cannot tolerate the idea that we have any blame in the matter. It's "othering" the problem.

And finally, his last paragraph: "But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in. "

Oh brother. He actually comes out and says that if we don't attribute all the world's problems to people who don't like to hear about God all the time, then we have no right to complain? So it's his way or nothing? Oh, I don't think so. There are always a multitude of reasons for complex problems. These aren't new problems, so why attribute them to a new phenomenon? In the 50s, the glorious mythical decade that so many conservatives hold up as a paragon of virtue, there were bullies. There was abuse. There were murders. There was suicide. There was addiction. Children hurt other children. Adults hurt children. Adults hurt other adults. And God was in the schools. God was in the government. God was at the dinner table. He still is if we acknowledge him. I don't think he "backs out" as Jane Clayson says. He's omnipresent, at least that's what I was taught in school.

If Christians lived as Jesus taught, the world would be a wonderful place, and non-Christians wouldn't resent us. But if we continue to say, "You must believe as we do or you're damned for all eternity", we will never get respect. We took over, and we took over with force. Is it any wonder that our empire eventually fell, when we ourselves didn't live the way we insisted others do? All we can do is live our lives to the best of our ability, love our fellow humans and pray for forgiveness. Because it's "us" who screwed this up. Not "them".

If you're not part of the solution, you're the particulate

2011-11-16T12:05:00.001-08:00

Some teenagers in Chilliwack got themselves dressed up in superhero costumes and outed a child predator. Some very amusing vigilante justice. They went online and found some douchebag who wanted to meet up with a 15 year old girl, then dressed up, and confronted him when he showed up. Hahaha. Hilarious. The bastard was confronted and pictures of his face went viral on the web. Nice.

It's a dangerous game though. If this guy had been unhinged or carrying a weapon, they could have been hurt. But I still basically approve. Maybe not of their methods... they could have found the wrong guy. And they could be hurt or sued. I think the cop who said that the target would now be aroused and would go after someone else is an idiot. That guy was already a predator. They didn't turn him into one. Hell no.

A few years back, I was online in a chat room and I ran into someone who was a pedophile. He wasn't in Canada, so there wasn't much I could do about it, but it got me looking for others. I'd pretend to be 14 and talk with some of the creepiest pricks on the planet. I'd set up meetings with them, and then email the transcripts to the RCMP and let them handle it. They didn't. I watched a few times. And then I gave up, because I just couldn't deal with the evil. The evil predators and the evil police who didn't do anything about it. It was too much for my soul.

So pardon the fuck out of me if I scoff with derision at the idea of the cops doing their jobs, of turning in tips to them and letting them handle it. It's a joke. They simply don't give a shit.

Entirely too many people don't give a shit about kids being abused. This point couldn't be more obvious in the last couple of weeks with the story of Sandusky raping children in the shower room, and having it be covered up. Because football and money are more important than the well-being of children. Obvs. And they're all guilty. McQueary, who caught him in the first place, should have stopped him, and called the cops (again, who probably wouldn't have done anything), Paterno and the other assholes who knew and did nothing, the asshole judge who let him off on unsecured bail (and who had taken money from the charity he set up to find victims!). In my mind, they're all guilty of abuse.

If you know of child abuse and you let it continue, you are part of the problem. If you have the power to lock the bastard up, and instead send him home to his grandchildren, you are part of the problem. If you know that a predator is planning to meet a child at the mall, and you don't bother to show up, you are part of the problem.

p.s. The title of this post. That's me. Geeking out. Also, if you're not part of the solution, you're the gross shit that's floating around in it, fucking up the solution for everyone else.

Cute!

2011-11-15T20:24:00.000-08:00

"I claim this baby in the name of Dog"

My vacation

2011-11-14T15:32:00.001-08:00

Happy 300th. The post about my accident was my 300th post. YAY. Too bad it wasn't a happier post. Anyway, I've got stories to tell of our "vacation" in Vancouver. LOLSOB.

Two nights before we were to leave, MrFCS went downstairs with an insomniac Pop at about 11:30 and started screaming for me to come down. Unusual... okay, so I run down there and the dishwasher has leaked about 10 litres of water onto the floor. So we cleaned that up and in the morning I called Eric The Dishwasher Guy. He came the next day, i.e. the day we were leaving, and took one look at it and said, "You need a new one". Shmeesh. He also stood in my kitchen and chatted with me for about 1.5 hours of my precious getting ready time. Thankfully, I'd called over someone to look after the kids for me in the morning while I got us ready.

I got all of our stuff ready and MrFCS came home a bit early so he could help and I could run out for a few errands - I needed boots, I'd found some, and dammit, I wasn't waiting. So I popped out and bought them. The lady there told me her son has autism too, and when she heard that I had three with autism, she came out from behind the counter and hugged me. :) So now I'm extra glad I bought them from her.

The ferry ride was uneventful, I guess. It was then that I realized I'd forgotten my camera and Snap realized she'd forgotten her meds. Crackle likes to ride the elevators and run the stairs. He's been a bit, um, more out of control than usual - shrieky and giggly and hyper - so that's never fun. Pop was scared and wanted to stay in the van and watch Thomas on the laptop.

We hit Vancouver at 4:40 on Tuesday. What works best for me and the mister is that I drive in traffic and he navigates. I do not read maps well and I find navigation stressful. He doesn't like driving in traffic. So that works nicely. We got us all to the Westin Bayshore, which is a beautiful hotel, and also where Showcase's show Endgame was filmed. (I loved that show, and Showcase can rot for not renewing it). The view was of Coal Harbour Yacht Club if that gives you any indication just how swanky the place is!

After we got some food into us, we took the boys down to the pool for an hour or so and left Snap to her computer. Oh my various gods, the kids love the water. Crackle laughs and squeals and holds on for dear life. It's like it's a roller coaster for him. Exciting and scary but terribly fun. Pop kicks and splashes and laughs. It's adorable. Then Crackle figured out there's a hottub and then the fun really started. Do you know what he loves more than anything? Going back and forth between the hot tub and the cool pool. GAH. He loves the shock of the temperature difference. I, on the other hand, hate it. Hate.

Also hate? Insomnia in children. In a shared room. I think we got about 4 hours of sleep. Then MrFCS went off to ApacheCon and I got the kids for the day. First thing we did was go shopping, because in addition to forgetting her pills, Ms Snap forgot her bathing suit. Apparently it is impossible to buy a cheap bathing suit in November (we could have got one at a specialty store. For $100. Dream the fuck on.) So I got her some cheap yoga gear and she wore that in the pool. While shopping, we took the boys to a toy store, and also we went and picked up a bunch more food for supper - we can't eat at restaurants with all of our allergies. Cannot be done. Anyway, more microwaved supper and then a nice walk down to Canada Place. Pop fell asleep in the stroller, insuring that he'd be up until at least 12:30. Fun. At least Crackle slept - thanks to GABA and melatonin.

Next morning. Shopping again. Because it kills time and wears out the boys. At the end of this was the infamous fender bender. Yay. Spent the afternoon spending $1.49 per call to phone ICBC and BCAA from the hotel room. Spent the evening in the pool. Another night of not much sleep. Gah.

Friday. Going home day. We had to check out by noon, but MrFCS's conference wasn't over until 5. So at exactly noon, we called a porter and loaded up our crap into the van and headed over to the Vancouver Aquarium to meet Katie, a Behaviour Interventionist who'd worked with the boys until about a month and a half ago when she moved to Vancouver. HOLY SHITSNACKS. The aquarium was a zoo. We waited 1/2 an hour to get in, and Crackle snitched a gluteny snack out of some other kid's hand while we were in line. Yay. :( So I ran back to the van for the charcoal pills. I think I managed to get them into him on time, because he doesn't seem to be glutened. Thank GOD. And wow. The boys absolutely loved every second at the aquarium. Crackle squealed with glee at the dolphins, and watched one of the tanks intently as the kelp waved in the water. He ran around in his glory. Pop? Same deal. He adored everything. Of course, crowds exhaust him, so he wore out quickly, had a quick nurse and fell asleep for an hour in the stroller. Even Snap had a good time. She liked the belugas best, I think.

Now, Friday was a crazy weather day. The first winter storm hit us while we were still in the park. Katie had to go, so we went too. I texted MrFCS and told him we'd just go find a place to park, eat snacks and watch the storm. He said screw it, he'd cut out early. And thank god he did. We drove to the ferry and JUST made the last one. We had to wait for hours because of wind delays and cancellations. But we got on the last one. And whooooooweeee! It was a bit of a bumpy ride. We certainly couldn't let Crackle run stairs in that.

So we got home at 10. The lady who looks after the dog brought him home for us. She'd also cleaned my house top to bottom while we were gone. I mean, she scrubbed the baseboards. She washed floors. She cleaned out my closet. HA. She warned me she was going to clean, but OMG. What a nice treat to come home to. I got a load of peed laundry into the wash and then crashed. Or that is, lay in bed with Pop while he watched TV and I slept.

Saturday, I went for a Healing Touch treatment. I am spoiled to have a good practitioner. It was so refreshing, I've basically recovered from my holiday. And she took the pain out of my ankle for a while. NICE indeed.

So, quite the roller coaster!

The immoral law - driving edition

2011-11-14T14:48:00.001-08:00

Did you know that if you see someone backing out of a parking space, you can totally just slam into them, regardless of whether you had time to stop or not? And it will be entirely their fault unless they can prove that you were speeding. In fact, they can veer out of their lane into oncoming traffic and smash into you and it's still your fault. It's true. That's what ICBC told me this morning.

While in Vancouver, I had the misfortune of being hit by a car in a parking lot. Or that is, the car hit my van as I was backing out. Here's the story: I was backing out of a tight parking spot with a large truck to my left and a small car to my right. I'd stopped (or at the very least was almost completely stopped - my foot was on the brake and my hand was on the gear shift) and a woman in a Nissan pulled through a 4 way stop and tried to veer around me, into oncoming traffic, and missed. She hit the driver's side back of my van with the length of the passenger side of her car. We both jumped out of the vehicles, took a look and then got back in and pulled safely into parking spots to exchange insurance info. As I was getting back in, the driver of the half-ton next to me said, "Did that just happen?!" I said "Yes. She tried to veer around me!" And he replied, "Yeah! Jesus..." Then he got into his truck and drove off. We got out and she said to me, "Are you okay?" I said, "Yes." And then stood there stupidly, shaken. She said, offendedly, "Well, so am I!" and I stopped and said, "Oh my goodness, I'm sorry. I'm just shaken. But you are okay?" She replied, "Yeah, I'm fine." We exchanged info and she left. I stayed where I was and ate a whole bag of chips, because apparently, chips are medicinal. Now you know. The kids were with me. They're fine too. In fact, it was so light, they didn't even know anything had happened. Snap did, of course, but she was fine. All she said was, "Holy shit! Where'd she come from?!" Yeah. Indeed. Here's a copy of what I gave ICBC:

So what the adjuster told me is that there's a difference between the legal obligation to stop and the moral obligation to stop. Seriously. I'm not impressed. This is going to cost a lot of money. And to the truck driver who saw it all and drove away, I hope you do the right thing when ICBC calls you. I may have been shaking, but I got your license plate number. If you tell ICBC that the woman drove around me and came through a 4-way stop then it'll "only" be 50% my fault.

And that's another thing. If it's clear when I look, clear when I go and clear when I'm stopping, and then she barrels through and hits me, it's still half my fault?! Seriously? WTF?

And what really gets me angry is when people, like the idiot who hit me, try to scam the insurance company for money. She's claiming she's hurt. She's also saying I slammed into her, hard. My van is the biggest mess on the planet. If I'd hit her hard, shit would have flown everywhere. I don't think the map even was knocked off the dashboard. The impact didn't even break my tail light. The casing, yes. But the bulbs are fine. So clearly I slammed into her hard. *snerk* But now, I'm getting sued. It's not right.

But apparently the law doesn't give a shit about right. It only gives a shit about legal. :(

Paging Doctor Anyone

2011-11-07T10:12:00.000-08:00

It looks like I need a new GP. Mine came back from mat leave, only to work 1/3 time with a full client load. She will not be able to accommodate my wonky hours of availability, and my darlin' husband can't really take any more time off. Also, she's moved to the other end of the universe from here. And can I wait for 6 wks for a doctor's appointment? No, probably not. Usually I don't plan 6 weeks in advance for when I get sick.

This is a HUGE hassle, as many of you may know. There simply are no damn doctors here. Don't believe me?

There are no doctors in Victoria taking new patients. So what the hell am I going to do? I've got my ND, who is awesome, but she's not allowed to refer me to a specialist. Which is what I need. Why in the hell can't an ND refer, anyway? That's insane. It's not like the MDs are so underworked that they need me to come in there for a quick, "Oh. You need a specialist" appt.

I could gamble with a walk-in, but most of those really don't like to give referrals. They want you to come in there with a sore throat they can throw pills at, or a cut they can stitch up. Go there with "issues" and they ask why you're not seeing your family doctor. Riiiiiiiiiiight.

What really makes me mad is that we pay to educate doctors in Canada, and then they fuck off to the US where they can make big bucks. We could fix this so easily. Stay in Canada for 10-15 years or pay the entire cost of your education. Double down for people who work in rural areas.

In the meantime, I guess I'll hit the clinic on the corner, and hope I don't get Dr. Douchebag (the clown who tried to tell me I'd get no painkillers except Tylenol after my epidural wore off after the c-section, told me to eat Cream of Wheat for my anemia - I have Celiac Disease, told me I don't have Celiac Disease and to just eat the damn wheat, etc.) Because if that guy walks in, I'm not only going to need a doctor, I'm going to need a lawyer.

The Hidden Costs of Autism

2011-11-04T15:19:00.000-07:00

I've already written about how much ABA therapy costs and how it's not covered by medicare, and how what the government does give us as parents isn't nearly enough to properly treat our kids. However, there is a lot more to Autism than ABA. There are a lot of hidden costs. Now, I'm not saying the government should fund all of these things too. I'm simply saying that if they'd get off their asses and pay for ABA, the hidden costs wouldn't be such a burden for parents.

First, a reminder of ABA costs, in case you're not a regular reader. And why aren't you?!

BIs: 30hrs/week @ $30/hr x 48 weeks = $43,200
BC (remember, this is a required team member): $120/hr x 3hrs/mo (avg) x 12 months = $4320
SLP: $100/hr x .5/hr per mo. x 12 = $600
OT: $100/hr x .5/hr per mo. x 12 = $600
PT: $30/week x 48 weeks = $1440
Total: $50,160

PER KID. I have two.

(This is ours. Other people spend more on OT or SLP or PT. We spend less than that on BIs because we can't afford it, obviously, but that is what is reasonable. Some people do 40 hrs/week)

What hidden costs, you ask?

1) Safety proofing the house
Remember when your little one was just starting to move and you had to baby proof? Now imagine that kid is 5. Strong and clever. And just as clueless about safety. How easy is it going to be to baby proof that? I've spent hundreds of dollars on door knob covers, that I have then had to duct tape on.

I'm currently considering replacing carpets that he's destroyed with urine, having electricians come and move some outlets to the ceiling. Also, I need shelves hung that I can put the DVD player and printer on. Because those things have moving parts and moving parts are crack to kids with Autism.

I've already put in a security system that announces loudly when doors or windows open. By the way Vivint is AWESOME. We've had their system now for a year and a half and it's been excellent. So that's not cheap, but is totally worth it. Seriously. I think it may have saved Crackle's life a few times already.

2) Gluten free diets
Gluten-free diets aren't cheap. I mean, even the federal government acknowledges this in the form a of a tax deduction for people with Celiac Disease. However, they make it really really difficult to claim. You can only claim the difference in price between gluteny food and gluten free. And you can only claim it for someone with a biopsy-confirmed dx. So if your whole family is eating gluten-free to support your Celiac patient, because it is virtually impossible to keep crumbs out of their food, too bad. You're on the hook for the costs. And if you do claim it, prepare to have it audited.

Now, gf can be done on the cheap. If you're not interested in eating bread, pizza, anything breaded. Because the substitutes for these foods are expensive. Even gluten-free flour for doing your own baking is expensive. But if you stick to fruit, veggies, seeds, nuts, rice, beans, you know, whole foods, you can eat pretty cheaply. I can feed our family of 5 for about $6 quite easily. But the kids do like baking and crackers and whatnot, so usually our grocery bill is pretty high.

3) Babysitting
When I was a teenager, I babysat kids for $2/hr. Nowadays, the average teenager gets $5/hr. However, I can't leave my boys with a teenager. I can barely look after them myself on a bad day. I have to get someone who has First Aid training at minimum. Babysitting costs $15/hr. for someone with enough skill to manage. And even then we've had a number of duds.

4) Doctor's appointments
Doctor's appointments are the bane of my existence. If anyone of us has an appointment, either MrFCS has to take the time off work (and God bless his union for making this possible) or I have to hire the aforementioned babysitter. For example, Crackle needed blood work the other day. I couldn't find a sitter, so MrFCS had to take the morning off so he could look after Pop for me, because it is simply not possible to look after both of them when Crackle has to be physically restrained. If Pop has an appointment, someone has to look after Crackle, because it is impossible to keep them both out of trouble and talk to the doctor. If I have an appointment, I cannot take them with me. So we use MrFCS's vacation days for doctors appointments and days when I'm sick.

5) Alternative medicines & treatments
"Autism. There's nothing I can do for you." -- Pediatrician.
Oh good. Let's not work on those symptoms or figure out if there are any underlying issues contributing to the problem. Moron. Our GP gives us 10 minutes per visit. 10. Minutes. Unless the kids have an acute health issue, like a sore throat, this is useless. So we see an ND for most of our health needs. She's lovely. She's a DAN! doctor and is well versed in alternative therapies that are science-based (herbal medicines are wonderful). However, she's not covered by medicare. Nor are the supplements she prescribes covered by our insurance. So that's a fortune. But she's done more for the kids than the half-assed ABA has. And she fixed my seizures, something none of my allopathic doctors could manage.

6) Therapy equipment
And speaking of the half-assed ABA. You know what else isn't covered? All the equipment needed to do it. Oh sure, some of it can be claimed under that measly $22,000, but then that cuts into the actual therapy. And again, only some of it is covered. OT equipment such as trampolines are not covered. Computers, iPads and apps are expensive. And then there are the little things that all add up. Like therapy balls, flash cards (OMG. $120 for one, albeit large, set of flash cards?!), PECS binders, printer cartridges, etc. get expensive quickly. Getting set up with equipment in the beginning costs about $700. Without a computer, iPad, trampoline or therapy ball. After that it's probably a few hundred a year.

7) Couples Therapy
I'm only sort of kidding with that one. :) MrFCS and I are okay, but many many families aren't. The stress of Autism in a family is a recognised cause of marital breakdown. Couples therapy, psychologists, etc. are even covered by Autism funding (if you're willing to take it out of your kid's ABA).

So... I'm tempted to put up a donate button. Instead, if you're so moved, go to CanadaHelps.org and donate to VSCA (Victoria Society for Children with Autism). They provide families with money to spend on respite care. It's a wonderful group. I'm a member, but I don't attend meetings. I'd have to hire a babysitter.

Cancer strikes again.

2011-11-02T12:14:00.000-07:00

Cancer is such a festering asshole. Last night, cancer, or that is, the treatment for it, killed a woman who has been on the periphery of my life for 33 years. That is, she's never been my best friend, but I've never really lost track of what's going on eith her, either. We were in Brownies together, we went to each others birthday paerties for years. Then I moved, but I still heard about her from a friend who was in the same area. My Mom is friends with someone who knows them well, so the updates came regularly enough.

Laurie was 37, same as me. She's not had it easy, health-wise. When we were little, she was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. CF is a bitch all unto itself. But somehow, she weathered that well enough. I ran into her a few times in University and she was full of life. She got a degree in Education and became a teacher of the wee little ones. She got married. She had kids. She's leaving behind a three year old and 19 month old twins. It breaks my heart that these kids will not remember their Mom.

You remember how I started this post, right? Cancer. CF didn't get Laurie. Cancer did. When her babies were wee, she was diagnosed with Leukemia. She went through chemotherapy with newborn babies at home. And it worked. It killed the cancer. But it destroyed her liver. And she died.

And now I'm sitting at the ocean, watching the waves and the sun peaking through the clouds, listening to the seagulls mournful cries, and I'm crying for the life of a woman I haven't seen in almost 20 years and her babies who will never get to know her. And I curse Cancer. I shout at God that there had better be some fucking answers when all is said and done.

I'm going to leave my rants about the Cancer industry to another post. But look for it, it's coming. This post is just for Laurie. I hope God is treating you well now.

Autism Treatment in BC, again

2011-11-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

Autism treatment isn't covered in Canada. Not even in BC where the government gives us a bit of money to buy treatment. It's a travesty. I've written before, and I'm doing it again, because GODDAMMIT I'm mad.

I wrote these a year and a bit ago:
The Under 6 program: http://feministchristian.blogspot.com/2010/07/autism-funding-in-bc.html
The Over 6 program: http://feministchristian.blogspot.com/2010/07/autism-funding-in-bc-part-2.html

So I should be grateful I get $22,000 at all, right? Really? Would you be happy if the government funded half of what's considered a full treatment for your sick kid? No. You'd be goddamn good and mad. Your kid has Cancer. Here's funding for half his chemo. Go find a provider yourself. Here's a list of doctors we approved, and don't worry that some of them don't actually have their credentials and were grandfathered on to the list. And also, tell him to get better soon, because your funding runs out in a couple of years.

Ganz did a study on the cost to society of taking care of an autistic person over the course of his or her life. It's over 3 million dollars, most of that being adult care. If ABA can take an average of 30% of those people can help them to function at normal levels, and 80-90% of them significantly improve so that they need say half of the care funding, that's a metric shitload of money that we could save in fully funding ABA treatment.

Well, now Crackle is 5 and a half. He's almost to the Over 6 program. Which BLOWS. Because he's not improving and has, in fact, regressed on this half-assed ABA. The school board will get a chunk of money to help him, but they don't do ABA. They don't do treatment at all. And why should they? They're a school, not a hospital. They should be educating him. But they can't. Because they are so underfunded it's ridiculous.

I kept Crackle out of school this year and enrolled him in a Distance Learning school that lets me homeschool him. I have the school and the ABA provider work out an IEP and the ABA people administer the curriculum. This is fine until the end of the school year in June. After that, the money drops from $22,000 to $6000, and the school receives $18,500 (I think), but only provide me with access to $12,000 of it. They take the rest for administration. That is standard across all the distance learning schools. So, in effect, I'll lose $4000 from a program that was already underfunded by about $25,000.

So next year, what the hell do I do? I can't really send him to school, because the school board made it quite clear they would not even keep him safe, never mind actually educate him. They told me they would not be able to give him a full time assistant, asked me questions like, "How long can he be left unattended?" (answer: 4 seconds, max.) and gave me a highly skeptical look at my reply. Then when they observed him with his Behaviour Interventionist (BI) they asked her the same thing. Fortunately, she said the same thing. They didn't believe her either and kept pressing her for ideas for what they could give him to do that would allow him to be left unattended. Um... He'd leave. He'd go play in the woods. Or find a pond to splash in. And that was the school district here. The neighbouring one told me to go to SIDES (i.e. homeschool him with the government funded program) because there was no way they'd be able to accommodate him.

Also, is the issue of gluten. Crackle is so highly sensitive to it that if he so much as touches it, he's sick. Also, he mouths everything and eats non-food (and I don't mean McDonalds! I mean paper, dirt, rocks, fabric). So I tried to tell them he needs to stay in a food free environment. Hell no. "They eat in the classroom". Well, maybe find a lunchroom? Or send them to the gym? Or double up in another room? Nope. They said they could clean it. Ha. No way. No bloody way. Crumbs are everywhere. Yes, they clean for the peanut allergy kids. But they also advise people not to send peanut stuff unless absolutely necessary, and then they segregate those kids. Imagine if every kid in the class was eating peanut butter, shelling peanuts, and had food made with peanut oil. You gonna clean that up well enough for a peanut allergy kid to be safe? Hell no. This is no different.

I've given up everything for my kids. A career, a life outside my home, friends, family, everything. And I'd do it again in a heartbeat. But GODDAMN the bastards in government for making me do it. Goddamn them for telling me my kid isn't worth the money to treat. Goddamn them for doing this to all the other kids with Autism out there. Goddamn James Moore for calling us a special interest group that isn't deserving of medicare.

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T12:38:00.000-07:00

Halloween. I love it and I hate it. I love the little kids dressing up and getting all excited to get candy. I love goofy kids Halloween specials like Twitches and Halloweentown. I adore Ghostbusters. I love silly costumes. I regularly dress up in a cow costume, adorned with wings and a halo. HOLY COW!

But I hate Halloween too. I hate hate hate it from a feminist perspective because a) little girls are being dressed in sexy costumes and sexualizing children is just plain wrong; b) a number of usually feminist writers write about it complaining about "girls looking like sluts" or "being dressed up like whores". I don't even know where to start with that. How about how feminist is it to call any woman a whore? Women who sell sex are sex workers or prostitutes. Denigrating them with the term whore is bad enough, but to use the word as an insult about the way a child is dressed is going way past acceptable.

And while I"m talking about costumes, can we all agree that dressing up as a cultural stereotype is just wrong? I mean, no one with half a brain dresses in blackface, right? So why can I still buy an Indian Princess costume? Or an "Eskimo Cutie" (which is wrong on so many levels). It's racist bullshit, it is.

I hate Halloween from an I'm a wimp perspective too. Horror movies terrify me, and just seeing the freakin' ads on tv scares the crap out of me. I have nightmares from them regularly. And I'm superfast with the mute button.

I cannot stand the destruction that some idiots use Halloween for. We lived in a little town in Saskatchewan where the teenagers used to vandalize the shit out of the place every Halloween. Like bonfires on Main Street. It was crazy. And not limited to that stupid town. People with black cats can't even let them out at this time of year because the assholes out there might hurt the cats!

And finally, I hate that my kids are missing out on all the fun. Between Crackle's utter lack of giving a shit about it to his dislike of costumes to his and Pop's food allergies and Pop's anxiety, there's simply nothing in it for them. And that makes me sad. At least Snap has a party to go to. She's dressing as a hipster. Not a sexy hipster. A hipster.

Tonight, I suspect we'll get 4 kids to the house, which is so disappointing. I loved living in Family Housing at UVic where we'd get about 175 kids. It was awesome. So we're going to be the cool family and hand out full size Caramilk bars. :) I'll bring the dog to the door with me and tell the kids he's my cat, but he's dressed up for Halloween.

It gets better...

2011-10-20T17:52:00.000-07:00

This week, another teenager, Jamie Hubley, committed suicide because he was bullied for being openly gay. In his suicide letter, he said he couldn't wait another three years. I assume he's referring to the time he had left in high school. The time until "it gets better".

I flippin' despise the It Gets Better campaign. I understand the point of it. I really do. But it doesn't address the problems kids are facing now. 3 years seems like forfuckingever when you're 15 and your life is being made nightmarish by a bunch of festering, seething, fetid dungheaps. 3 years is 1/5 of your life at that point. Remember Grade 9? Remember how graduation seemed like an eternity away?

Even the CPC is on the bandwagon. This of course, would be a lot more appropriate if they weren't all a bunch of homophobic bastards who voted against equal marriage rights, or alternatively, gay but too afraid to be open about it. It's an "open secret". *snort* But kids are supposed to believe It Gets Better? Gay cabinet minister that everyone knows is gay, but no one talks about it because why? Because he'd be bullied? Smeared by his base? Come on.

It Gets Better seems pretty much like suck it up, princess. It's not okay, and it's not enough. It's not enough to know that someday it will be better. It's not enough to tell kids that. We need to start actually doing something to stop this bullshit now. GSAs are good, but they aren't enough. We need to teach kids to stand up to bullies when they're young. No tolerance from other kids will be a great deterrent. When one kid out of 40 in a class is being a shithead to another kid, he'd stop damned quick if 38 other kids said, "NO! This is not okay!"

And dammit, bullies need counselling. WTF is going on in their lives that they feel the need to emotionally torture other kids?

I was bullied a lot until about Grade 9. It was hell. I was different. I was weird. And I was a target. They called me fat, mostly. I wasn't, but I didn't believe that for a second, especially not after some stupid doctor told me I was a "chunky little lassie". One particularly mean little weasel would get me against a school wall and play "Dodgeball" with me. That is, he and his friends would hurl balls at my head, as close as they could without hitting me, and the first one to miss (i.e. hit me in the face) lost the game. If I tried to leave, they'd all pelt me with the balls. It was awful. My Mom would go talk to the school and they'd either tell her I was exaggerating, or that they couldn't do anything to stop it. If they talked to him, it was MUCH worse for days.

I did know that I'd escape him the next year, but I tell ya, I dreamed up every excuse I could to avoid school, avoid recess, and avoid the bus. I'd walk to school when it was -30, or make sure I sat with the bus driver. I tried to befriend teachers at recess. I made a point of coming with a new knock-knock joke every day to tell one of them. If I thought I had to put up with that shit for 3 more years?! I don't think I'd have made it either.

That same asshole was last seen at a McDonalds where he threatened to beat up my boyfriend (now my husband). All those years later, and he still saw me as a target. MrFCS got us out of there, and the little prick's friend held him back. Said friend was a co-conspirator when we were younger, but by then, I suspect he knew that his buddy was a sociopathic little shit and that the situation could escalate badly.

That kid needed some serious help when he was 12. And frankly, so did I. Leaving me to fend for myself on the promise that I wouldn't have to deal with him next year wasn't enough. And It Gets Better isn't enough for gay kids. So stop patting yourselves on the back for being so wonderful to the victims of harassment and actually fucking do something.

Joke!

2011-10-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

A public union employee, a Tea Party guy, and a bank CEO are sitting at a table with a plate of a dozen cookies. The CEO takes 11 of the cookies, turns to the Tea Partier and says, “Watch out for that union guy; he wants your cookie.”

-As seen in a number of places.

Contemptible Friends

2011-10-13T16:19:00.000-07:00

So as I said in a previous post, I really don't like Christy Clark. However, now that I know that one of her trusted advisors is Gwyn Morgan, I absolutely loathe her. Morgan was the President and CEO of EnCana. He's "a director of several large corporations in Canada, including EnCana Corporation and SNC-Lavalin. He is also on the board of trustees of the Fraser Institute, a Director for The Manning Centre for Building Democracy and a non-executive Director of HSBC" (from Wikipedia)

Gwyn Morgan is a shale gas baron who happens to engage in business with BC's public sector to the tune of millions of dollars. Conflict of interest much? Morgan has no use for environmentalists, and appears to support the use of carcinogenic pesticides, because hey, what's a little cancer if it makes Monsanto a few more bucks?

"Those who defend such knee-jerk public policy actions often cite the "precautionary principle." But if believing in junk science means people are to be driven out of business and public landscapes are to be left unprotected from blights and invasive species, and if home gardeners are forbidden from using the latest and best products, what is "precautionary" about that?"

What's precautionary?! Oh, perhaps that "the latest and best products" are carcinogenic and neurodisruptors and there's already an epidemic of cancer and autism?!

And you know what else? I've heard smart meter radiation concerns labelled as "junk science" or "pseudo-science" from BC Hydro. Gee, you think that Smart Meters are profitable? Radiation? Who cares. That's just junk science. My ass. Okay, so Health Canada has said that the radiation is carcinogenic, are they junk science now? As safe as a cellphone, they say. But limit your kids time on those. Now, if it were just my house, out in the country, whatever. But what if a person lives in a huge condo development and the Hydro closet is right next to their unit? Then what? My boys' bedroom is next to the hydro closet here. I REALLY don't want 23 of those things right next to the bedroom. But I have no say. None. It's insane.

And if that isn't enough, Morgan is also a "man who admires the "journalism" of former tobacco lobbyist Ezra Levant" (Though I'd like to see their source for that quote. I find it hard to believe that anyone could admire anything Levant writes. I mean, anyone who isn't stark raving mad.)

It's strange timing, this post. I was writing it this morning, and then I found DeBeaux0s at Dammit Janet! was on a similar vein. She called it "Yet another installment in the ongoing saga of which moneyed interests are bankrolling, lobbying and cozying up to Stevie Spiteful's Contempt Party." Yup, and again, it looks like the BC Libs are just an ugly little offshoot of it. Disgusting.

Jealousy and Domestic Enemies

2011-10-11T14:43:00.000-07:00

This morning, one of my favourite blogs ran "Domestic Enemies of the Allergy Mom". When I first saw it on FB, I thought "WOO! They finally posted my post!" It was not my post. I'm really entirely too disappointed. Someone else wrote the same one. And they posted hers instead! WAH! Consider, this was their reaction:

Ok. To say that I love this is to miss the fact that I FUCKING LOVE IT SO MUCH THAT I WANT TO LICK IT'S FACE. I adore it. You are a genius and hilarious and an amazing writer.
We'll run it in mid-September and push your blog because you have a gift.

So now clearly they love Portia more (and I will admit, her post ROCKED), so I'm going to post mine here, just as it was going to run there:

I'm Luna, I blog over at Feminist Christian Socialist. It's more of a Mommy blog than I ever intended, but whatever. If readers don't like it, they know where the back button is. I'm a SAHM Mom to 3 very allergic minions: Snap, my 16 year old daughter; Crackle, my 5 year old son; Pop, my two year old son. Between them, they can't eat gluten, dairy, corn, soy, nuts, eggs, high fructose fruits, berries, food colourings, and celery. That's just what they can't eat. Never mind the list of things they won't eat (for fun, Snap won't eat fruit. At all. Ever. Regardless of bribes, threats, or guilt trips). So I cook and bake. Everything. We haven't seen restaurant food in over 5 years. Yes, you are allowed to feel pity. However, this also means we haven't had to eat at McDonalds or Burger King in that time. Bring on the jealousy, baby! Anyway, Allergic Moms have our own set of Domestic Enemies. Enjoy.

The Birthday Party: Now, these are Domestic Enemies of all Moms, near as I can tell. Between the sugar and the "Bobby gots a new transformer and you said that there are no new transformers!" and the goodie bags that were clearly designed by mothers who hate you, these are pitfalls at the best of times. However, to the Mom of the Allergic Kid, birthday parties have their own set of deviously designed traps. Birthday cake? Full of gluten. Out of the question. So my kids take their own, clearly made of sawdust, cupcakes. This leads to two problems: 1) "MOM! It's not fair! I want the disgusting Barbie cake of poison too! Everyone else gets it!" Yeah, but everybody else doesn't get projectile poop and demonic rages. Imagine your kid licking the McDonald's PlayPlace slide and eating pixie sticks. This is gluten to my kids. Only the effects last 5 to 12 days. Seriously. 2) The other kid's mother. The look on her face is clear. You are a TERRIBLE mother. You are going to hell if you don't allow your kid the cake. You are clearly also saying she is the worst mother ever because she allows her kids stuff you don't. Never mind the whole allergy thing. That is entirely in your head.

The In-Laws: Did you know that if no one in their family has allergies, that your kids don't either? It's a scientific fact. At least according to my sister-in-law. Furthermore, it is also proven fact that "a little bit won't hurt". It's true. Just ask my mother-in-law. These people are out to prove that there are no genetic flaws in their family. Their genetics would clearly trump any of yours, because superior genes always win. I think it's something in the sperm that finds the weak mother's genetics and goes all Chuck Norris on it. That the children's father also has allergies is something they simply don't acknowledge or at best say, "Well, he didn't have allergies when he lived with us!" Yes. It's true. You have allergy cooties. Be extra careful of this class of enemies. They will sabotage you in an attempt to prove that you're crazy, stupid, or lying. TIP: Never send the kids to stay with them unless you love cleaning up poop and puke (from the ceilings). TIP: If you must send the kids to stay with them, invite them to stay with you for a few days upon the kids' return.

The Grocery Store: The grocery store, besides being loaded with stuff the kids can't eat, is also full of other pitfalls. I'm utterly convinced that the bakery department is run by Satan's Minions. The little old ladies who act like you've copped a feel or asked them what they did before the Great War if you say no to the lovely little cookie they're offering your child. And of course, this means that there are countless children running around with cookie crumbs on them, making the entire store a minefield. If you happen to have a child who mouths everything, you're hosed. Go home and cook with the dandelions in the yard or something.

The Expert

The Expert is the person you are chatting with who tries to feed your kid a cracker and then gives you a lecture when you explain that they can't eat it. Sometimes, this overlaps with The In-Law. Go find a t-box and some chocolate if this happens.

The Expert loves to tell you why no one can be allergic to whatever they're offering up and that it's good for everyone. It usually starts out fine. "Really? Celery? I've never heard of a celery allergy. Your child is just lying to you. She just doesn't like it." I like to respond with, "Yeah, and the hives she gets on her face and lips are just truly awesome acting. I'm thinking of taking her to Hollywood." That never seems to go well, and deteriorates into, "It must have been something else. Have you tried it since? Sneak it into her food and see if she notices." How about I sneak my size 7.5 Birkenstock up your taco instead?

Schools and the Very Bad Teacher: A subset of The Expert. A good teacher is a gift from God. A bad teacher? Welcome to hell until next summer. The bad teacher is the worst of all Domestic Enemies. She's a know nothing know-it-all. She will sabotage you to prove you wrong. She will doubt your every move. She will make you the bad guy. If you think you've run into this Domestic Enemy, RUN. Get a transfer, homeschool your kid, move to Vancouver, anything. If you're already in Vancouver, I'm sorry. You're screwed.

The Very Bad Teacher will let your kid play with gluten-filled play-doh and then smugly inform you that they can't ingest gluten through their skin. It says so on the internet. I suggest sending her links to feces fetish sites. You're going to have to deal with poop, after all, why not her? Also, this will do wonders for your reputation with the PTA, and no one will ever again ask you to be the room mother or chip in on the gift for the teacher.

The Very Bad Teacher will hand out Oreos to all the kids except yours, because of course, yours are allergic. She will then say, loudly, "You can't have any! Your Mom said so! No, I don't know why. I think she's just mean or something. Possibly crazy." I recommend signing her up for spam. Reply to the Nigerian scams with, "While I am not in the position to help you at this time, please email Mrs. Ditchpig at the following email address. Do not take no for an answer. She always says no the first 20 or 30 times."

Did I miss any?

It's the Patriarchy, Stupid!

2011-10-07T16:50:00.000-07:00

I really don't like Christy Clark. Like, I REALLY don't like her. She was the Minister of Education who took the ability to bargain on class sizes away from BC teachers, and as a result, my special needs kid ended up in a class of 38 kids, 9 others of whom were special needs. They had one part time aid. It was a clusterfuck of epic proportions.

She's better than the last guy, no question, I mean, a steaming pile of dung would be better than the last guy, and I suppose she is rather close to that, but she's still a BC Liberal. They're conservative. I don't know why they're holding on to the term Liberal except maybe to trick the uninformed, which is to say, the vast majority. I dunno.

So, of course, I'm a supporter of the NDP party here in BC. I'm even a member. I joined to vote in the leadership election. My guy lost. I still can't believe we elected someone who forged documents to cover up the illegal behaviour of a premier! Seriously people. Can you not envision the attack ads in the next election? The worst part is that it'll all be true. Anyway, never mind the leader, I'm bitching about one David Schreck, former MLA and current political blogger. The guy commented on Clark's cleavage, saying it was inappropriate for her to show that much. That much?! Have you seen the picture? Give me a break. It's not like she was in danger of a nip slip! When the premier comes to the legislature dressed like a stripper, you can comment. Until then, STFU.

As soon as this story got national coverage, The Menz started complaining. But that, I mean, the tiny subset of men who seem to think that they are terribly hard done by as a result of feminism and that women are TOTALLY the ruling gender. They're the ones who start whining, "Men get raped too!" at the first sign of a story about the rape crisis of young women at universities. They're the ones who moan and groan about how the courts fuck them over on custody cases. Anyway, The Menz, they were immediately saying there was no sexism here because Barack Obama was totally called on whether it was appropriate to be photographed topless (at the beach! OMG! His nipples were showing! At the beach!) And Chris Christie is mocked over his weight. And Rob Ford.

First of all, not the same. Schreck said that *any* cleavage, i.e. any failure to completely every square inch of her breasts, is inappropriate. Why? Because it reminds him that a woman is in power? Because her breasts are just so sexy that he can't keep his eyes off them and it's too distracting? (Ugh) Then he points out that men must wear ties in the legislature, so clearly that's completely the same as being required to hide any indication of breasts. Really? Ties? You mean, the great big arrow pointing at their penises? Come. On. Anyway, sure, I'm all for getting rid of the dress code. I wouldn't mind seeing how they dress if they're not told how. I'd totally vote for the guy who showed up in Birkenstocks and a hemp shirt. Or better yet, an "I'm with Stupid -->" t-shirt. That would be AWESOMESAUCE.

The true irony? The men complaining about how they're treated in the courts totally have a point. But it's not feminism that's the problem. It's the patriarchy. The patriarchy hurts everyone. Why? Why would a system designed to protect the power of men take it from them? Simple. Because it also defines gender roles. Women are the caretakers of the children. Men, proper men, don't give a shit about their kids (see: dramas) and are either too irresponsible to look after them (see: sitcoms) or are too cold and unloving to properly raise children (see: movies and books everywhere). Of course, this is bullshit. Epic bullshit. There are some really great Dads out there. Mine was. My husband is. And there are some really shitty Moms out there. But the patriarchy defines the roles, and anyone who steps outside of them is suspect. Men who dare to be feminine are in danger of assault. Men who want to be recognised as equal parents have a major uphill battle.

And do women use it? OF COURSE. We're not stupid. When the system works in our favour, which is remarkably seldomly, we take it. What? Are we supposed to be better than men? Hell no. That's the point. Just like there are men who buck the system, there are women who uphold it.

UPDATED: Media Bias, Part I lost count

2011-10-03T16:10:00.000-07:00

Can we all stop calling the New York Times "liberal" now?

Note also the byline change. UPDATE: The illustrious Betty Fokker also noticed the mysterious byline change and was more ambitious than I was. She says: "Turns out he is the Bureau Chief, Police Bureau at the New York Times. So he needs to be “on good terms” with the NYPD to get information for his stories. So he has gone out of his way to hide the fact they pulled a dick move on the protesters. Go figure."

I remember in Sociology 100 having an assignment in which we were to take an article from any news source that was considered mainstream and dissect it for loaded language, bias, slant, logical fallacies, etc. It was a very eye-opening assignment. I chose Macleans, thinking it was pretty balanced. Hey, I was 18! I was clueless. I was stunned to see the bias, the loaded language, the choice of pictures... the list goes on. I think it was the most useful thing I did in University! I learned to read for intent as well as content. (My stupid degrees certainly haven't been useful. Honestly, wtf was I thinking? I'll go live on reserves and save languages, write dictionaries and curricula! And I'll make a living wage, because reserves have so much money to pay pretty white linguists with more ideals than sense!)

It's become quite clear to me in recent years that there is no left-wing mainstream media. The CBC certainly isn't. The right loves to crow about it, but that's only because the right is so used to having the news handed to them, already twisted into right-wing ideology that they're jarred by anything resembling unbiased fact. And the CBC really only does resemble lack of bias, because objectivity is more or less impossible. Someday when I have some ambition, I'll take apart a cbc.ca article.

The Times, as referenced above, is what we call Limosine Liberal. It's got a socially liberal agenda, but a fairly conservative economic agenda. Now, I don't mean it's a rag of the NYPost's calibre, or that it has a raging right-wing agenda. Just that it is healthily right of centre. Of course, those that live on the right fringe see that as raving left-wing, but those people are hardly in any position to be correct about anything. :) And the further you slide to one side of the spectrum, the further away the centre looks.

I kind of like Political Compass for sanity checks. Like when I'm screaming that Obama is a right-wing bastard who caters to Big Business, and someone else hollers back at me that he's a socialist prick, we go look at politicalcompass.org. They use their own questions, and the answers that pols have provided on public record. It's not perfect, but it's good.

Here's Canada, as of the 2011 election:

http://www.politicalcompass.org/canada2011

And here's the US, 2008 election. I'm hoping for an updated one soon.

http://www.politicalcompass.org/uselection2008

Not surprising, I'm on the left edge, well, one line in. And slightly lower than halfway between libertarian and centre.

Obama? Right of centre. Truly. It's just that mainstream in N.America has become so far left, that he seems pretty moderate. And if you think I'm wrong, remember this: Ronald Reagan, the demi-god of the conservative movement, wanted to close crazy tax loopholes that let millionaires out of paying taxes, and gave amnesty to about 4 million illegal immigrants. He'd be eviscerated by the tea party assholes and most of the rest of the Rethuglicans too.

When you're screaming SOCIALIST! at someone who is proposing Ronald Fucking Reagan's proposals, you need a reality check. And perhaps a high five. To the throat.

40 days of Harassment

2011-10-02T12:54:00.000-07:00

A bunch of old white jerks are using God's name to harrass women outside health clinics. Even here in my own city. It sickens me.

Dear Christians who Don't Get It,

If the lot of you actually believed abortion was murder, I'd have a hell of a lot more respect for you. But you don't. You believe in punishing the sluts, and/or controlling women. How do I know this? Because you don't respect life at all. Once the kid is born, you don't support them at all. You refuse to back anti-poverty bills, you try to shut down welfare programs, you accuse women of "spewing out kids to get more welfare", you don't support birth control programs that would actually reduce the number of abortions. That's not life-affirming. Furthermore, you refuse to admit the truth, that women will get abortions regardless of the laws. They'll just do them unsafely. And as a result, they'll die. That's more death. That's not pro-life at all.

Now, I do understand that there are a few of you out there who are just following the leader and truly believe that fetuses are fully human, and deserve the same rights as any other human. Okay, I get ya. I really do. I'd like the abortion rate to go down to zero too. I like babies. I like humans (usually). I like life. I really am pro-life. I don't want anyone to die as a result of abortions. No babies, no women. That'd be awesome. I'd also like no poverty, no war, no disease, and a National Bring Me Chocolate Day. It's not going to happen. So instead, shall we work really hard to prevent abortions by a) preventing unwanted pregnancies, b) supporting pregnant women financially, c) supporting new parents financially, d) making adoption easier and more socially acceptable.

And if you really believe that fetuses should be accorded the same rights as everyone else, why do you actually fight for them to have more rights than their parents? No other group of humans has the right to use the body of their mother (or anyone else) to stay alive. I can't say, "Oh, I need a kidney, Mom. Hand it over! If you don't, I'll die, and that's murder!" 'Fraid not. Mom has the right to tell me to sod off.

And I understand the need to pray when you see grave injustices. But you know what? There are these lovely places called churches where you can sit in private and pray without it hurting anyone. And if you don't think that your little vigils aren't hurting anyone, you're clearly ignorant assholes. You're not praying for these women. You're praying at them. And that's NOT cool. Also, from the Bible you claim to follow:

(5)”And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. (6)But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. (7)And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. (8)Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. – Matthew 6.5-8 NASB

So please, be good Christians and go home. Or go sit in a church and quietly pray. What you're doing is harmful and sinful. You are being the people that Jesus warned of:

¹⁵ “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.

That's you. You're mean, you're vindictive, and you're spreading hate in God's name. That's a ferocious wolf in sheep's clothing if I ever saw it.

Domesticity

2011-10-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

It's been a big few weeks around here and there's so much going on in the outside world too, I hardly know where to start.

The big news is in the world of Crackle and Pop. Okay, actually, it's in the world of their Mom, me. Pop told me he loves me for the very first time. Without my prompting. We were playing games on the bed and I was kissing his cheeks and he said, "Love Mom!" Hello Hope. I've missed you. So when I was playing with Crackle, I said, while tickling him, "I love you! Do you love Mom?" He made eye contact, grinned at me and threw an arm around my neck and pulled me close. Dude. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. He's 5 and a half.

The teenager still hates me. :D Of course, that's because I'm a total bitch, I'm ruining her life, and I'm too stupid to live. Did you know, that despite having a Master's degree, I have no idea how to do Gr11 homework? It's true, if you listen to Snap.

OMG. I just looked over at Pop. He's attempting to change his own diaper. You think he's ready for the potty? LOL

Last weekend I went to a Healing Pathway workshop sponsored by my church. Basically, it's energy healing via faith. I jokingly called it Reiki for Christians and was excoriated by the Christian Reiki Master who was taking the course. Hah. Everyone understood what I meant. I've always been a bit of a skeptic (my definitition of skeptic: nothing is impossible, but I'd like to see some evidence), but damn. And let me tell you, it's amazing how much better Crackle sleeps when I do some work on him after he falls asleep. And that's not practitioner bias. He sleeps through the night on nights I do it, and doesn't on nights when I fall asleep before I get a chance. Every night for the last 8 nights.

Our favourite Behaviour Interventionist moved to Vancouver. That sucks. We're going to miss her a lot. There's one other whom I also consider a favourite, but the rest, meh. For various reasons.

My back has been out since Wednesday, and just today I'm starting to feel human again. Unfortunately, it seems that when I get glutened, I'm physically fucked up, but when MrFCS is glutened, he's psychologically fucked up. It BLOWS. I'm in agony, and he's so grumpy, it scares me. (Not that he's ever hurt me or the kids, but someone has hurt me and now I get scared at explosive anger. I can't help it.)

And then there's the outside world... gah. Must avoid. Hurts my soul too much. Will use next post.

Name That Tune

2011-09-22T18:02:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: FOUND! It's called That's What Love is For and it was done by Scott Dibble and Watertown in 1992. WOOHOO! $20 to the SPCA.

A good friend of mine has been searching for something for a long time and I told her I would TOTALLY hijack Dawg's blog and all its readers to help her find it, and that I'd use mine too, though it was way less likely to actually work. Also, I was rather cocky and told her that I was sure I could find it. And now its a matter of pride, honour, and stubbornness. Never mind how long I've been searching.

First, the story: 16 years ago, my husband and I were a young, goofy, totally in love couple. We would drive around for hours, listening to country music and "just talking". We had a favourite, and we joked that it was our song. We're not the "our song" kind of couple, and you'll see why in a minute. Anyway, our 14 year old daughter was asking us one day if we had a song, and to her amusement and teenage disgust, we started singing it. She asked what it was called. Um... no clue. Well, she said, who sang it? Um... Yeah, don't know that either. She informs me that we are the only people on the planet who have a song, but don't know who sings it or what it's called. So I went hunting. I searched the internet high and low, offered rewards for it and got nothing. Here's what I can tell you:

1) It was played often during 1993 - 1994. Maybe as early as November 1992. Possibly a bit later.
2) It was a male singer. Not a band, I don't think.
3) At one point, I thought it was Joe Diffy or Rick Tippe. I've looked through their discography. I don't think so. But I suspect the name is similar to that. Maybe not.
4) I know a big chunk of lyrics. YAY.

We go together like tar and feathers, oh yeah
In that hot summer weather, we stick together the whole day long
... (something I don't remember)
Chorus:
But they don't see what we have always known
I'm like gum on your shoe, I could not let go of you even if I tried.

Your Mama she don't like me much
She don't think that I have much finesse.
And your brother he just stares at me
Like a broken branch on the family tree, oh boy
[Chorus]

That's it. Not bad for 18 years ago, eh?

So here's the deal - find me an MP3 for $20 to you or your favourite charity. Find me an original CD for $50 to you or your charity.

What do you think, comrades? Can you help?

Some vacation

2011-09-21T10:44:00.000-07:00

The boys had an appointment at BC Children's Hospital on Monday to see someone in Biochemical Diseases - the specialist's specialist, they called her. It was basically uneventful. We decided to make a weekend of it and caught the ferry over on Saturday morning. The ferry fees were waived because of the doctor's appointment and so that was just lovely. Some highlights:

Pop started crying "home" in a pitiful little whine before we even got to the ferry terminal. He said it pretty much constantly after that. The pool was the only respite from it. And trains.
Our room had a view that included the skytrain. Every 5 minutes, Pop went wild, "TRAIN!|
Metrotown is my idea of hell. It is loud, crowded, and easy to get lost in. The rails are low enough for Crackle to scale them.
Our hotel was Hilton Metrotown. Guess where we spent the weekend. Snap was very happy about that.
Snap was only happy about that.
Pop is afraid of a lot of things. Bugs, the dark, riding in the car at night, riding on trains and ferries, hot food, hot water, doctors...
The hotel room was lovely. Except for the coffee pot which used pods and made coffee that tasted like it had been prefiltered through someone's kidneys. Someone sick.
When a hotel advertises that it has wireless internet, apparently this can mean, 'but only in the lobby' and you're not allowed to get mad at them.
Because of allergies and basic logistics, I prepared all of our food in advance except for stuff we could buy at the grocery store.
The grocery store was as busy at 9pm on a Sunday as my regular store is on Dec 23 at closing time.
I am always, always shocked by my own racism when I go to Vancouver. Yes, it is something I continue to work on.
Crackle is addicted to elevators. He will ride them from sun up to sun down.
He loudly protests being made to stay away from elevators. Even if he has gone up and down 18 floors over 50 consecutive times.
It is not something in his room that causes him to have insomnia.
When one person in a hotel room has insomnia, no one sleeps. Except teenagers. Who can sleep through the apocalypse.
Regardless, teenagers will then whine that they are too tired to help with anything the next day.
The dogsitter fed the dog food I specifically told her not to. The dog got the shits at 4am, after he came home. On the carpet. In front of my bedroom door. Guess who stepped in it on the way to the toilet. If you guessed Luna, you'd be wrong. It was Luna's grumpy husband.
My garden was wildly overgrown from a whole 5 days of neglect. Quick aside: grand total on the potatoes? 35 lbs. Tomatoes are still coming, but I've already picked 12 lbs of them. Zucchini is basically done, but I picked about 40 of them. Have planted cauliflower and cabbage for overwintering.
The only thing to come out of the doctor's appointment was more testing. Metabolic disorder? Chromosomal abnormality? No one knows yet.

Throat Punch Thursday: Shared Services Canada

2011-09-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

Holy crows. I missed Throat Punch Thursday. Already. It's only been three weeks and I missed two. You'll forgive me if you hear about my week. Which you won't, because I'm repressing it.

Today's Throat-Punch goes to the Harper Government for Shared Services Canada. SSC is a new department, that is supposed to streamline all of the tech services from various "data centres" into one department. It's supposed to close down multiple centres and save money. Ha. Ha ha. Hahahaha. (That's supposed to sound like the laugh that the carnies on the Simpsons made when they stole the Simpsons' house from them. If you don't know that episode, what is wrong with you?)

From their press release:
The Government has over 100 different email systems, over 300 data centres, and over 3,000 network services within the Federal Public Service. This is inefficient and wasteful. The Government will move to one email system, reduce the overall number of data centres from 300 to less than 20, and streamline electronic networks within and between government departments. This will improve services to Canadians, make IT more secure and reliable, and save taxpayers’ dollars in line with the Government of Canada’s plan to return to balanced budgets.

One email system?! Are you shitting me? So when one of them goes down, ... OH WAIT, then the whole civil service email system is down. GREAT PLAN! And if one gets hacked into or compromised, you guessed it, the entire thing is. Fantastic plan. Remember last year when the email system of the finance department and the treasury board got hacked, and none of them were allowed to use the internet at work any more? Remember how they had to use internet cafes? No? I do. Shall we do that to the entire government?

Streamline electronic networks? What exactly does that mean? Moving servers to those <20 data centres. So when the server for, oh, say the Department of Fisheries and Oceans goes down at 2pm, but the server is in Ottawa, 3 hours ahead at 5pm, well, too bad. You can wait until tomorrow. Maybe. If the email is working.

And what exactly is a data centre? Pretty much any federal building has servers with data stored on it. And pretty much none of them are exclusively that. So define it?

You know how they could save money? They could stop spending millions and millions of dollars on software and look into open source software. The MS Office licenses alone... geez. Here's another idea: Skype meetings. Way too much money goes into travel for meetings. WAY too much.

And seriously, are you going to tell me that it's not going to cost a metric buttload of money to set this shit up? Of course it is. Migrating it, hiring new staff (another kick in the teeth. they're laying people off here and there, but they're posting public job announcements? The unions are unimpressed to say the least.) So how long until this allegedly will save them money? Right. In about thirteen years. If we're lucky. Shared Services Ontario supposedly worked and saved taxpayers money, but the Shared Services model that the Western Australian government tried backfired magnificently and cost the government way more than the original set up, and also managed to cut jobs. So they totally hosed up the lives of some civil servants, and then charged them for the pleasure of doing it to them. Nice. Or not.

Brilliant idea, guys. Brilliant. Throat punches for all.

Little Bitches*

2011-09-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

The other day on Twitter, I read, "Six year old daughter has finally learned that little girls are mean, spiteful, bitchy, hateful creatures. Nothing new under the sun." And I bristled. Because I'm a feminist. But I also nodded. Because I'm a mom to a girl and we experienced this too. And because I was a little girl, and experienced it there too. My own kid was no exception, and I expect that I wasn't either.

When my daughter was six, she told the Muslim girl down the road that she couldn't play with her because she doesn't like people with brown skin. Oh. My. God. And of course, the parents assumed it was coming from me and her Dad. HELL NO it wasn't. As it turned out, Snap didn't like the kid and had to figure out something to say to tell her to go away. She could have just as easily said she didn't like girls who wore red dresses. I FLIPPED MY SHIT. I talked to the darlin' girl. I talked to her Dad. I cried. He looked at me like I had lost my fucking mind. Of course, he hadn't seen the news that day and I had. It was September 11, 2001. Seriously. I shit you not. My six year old daughter told a Muslim that they couldn't play because of the girl's skin colour on September Fucking 11th. Yeah. Nice timing, kid. So yeah, once we had it all out, it was okay again. I had the girl decide what Snap's punishment should be (which she TOTALLY loved and was very reasonable and fair - don't worry, I wouldn't have meted out an unfair one, regardless of what the girl wanted) and all was well.

Snap's a very accepting kid now. Thanks be! She's got to have one of the strongest senses of justice I've ever seen. I love that about her.

So what are we doing to our daughters? Why are they becoming "mean, spiteful, bitchy, hateful creatures"? I see it all the time. I cannot deny it. And it's not a case of girls with strong personalities are being called this because we can't handle the idea of strong girls. Little girls are MEAN. (I'm not saying boys aren't. I'm not saying anything about boys. I want to keep this to the girls for the moment). I've heard them tell other girls they are fat, ugly, and stupid, that their parents don't like them, that they're adopted because they were too ugly to keep, that they're so stupid no one will ever love them... it goes on and on. Where the hell is it coming from? Is it a healthy stage? (Doubtful). Is it something new? Is it a case of trying to find dominance in a male-dominated world? Honestly, I don't know and I want input.

*Yes, I'm using the word "bitch" rather ironically. It's intended.

And yes, eventually, I will come back in time to Thursday and write another post in the Throat-Punch Thursday series. Thanks for reminding me I'm a failure, Dr. Dawg. :D

Gluten Strikes Again

2011-09-06T20:11:00.000-07:00

Glutened. Again. This is why I haven't been online much. In my house, "glutened" means one or more of us accidentally ingested gluten - usually in a tiny amount, because we are crazy careful. This time, I suspect it was the "gluten-free" Chex cereal, because it's the only thing we all ate and because it's the only new thing any of us ate. Also, when I phoned the company, the service rep told me a flat out lie about labelling laws and then hung up on me when I asked her to check. So yeah. No more Chex.

Oh how the labelling laws infuriate me. Come mid 2012, the new rules come into effect. On the surface, they look great: "Gluten sources will need to be declared when a food contains gluten protein, modified gluten protein, or gluten protein fractions from barley, oats, rye, triticale or wheat"

Fabulous, right? Well yeah. Except that they mean the food ingredients contain it. They don't include contamination from processing. So, if I get a Halloween Caramilk bar (HA! I wish) and it says gluten free, it means that none of the ingredients contains gluten. However, the chocolate may be "run off" chocolate. That is, the chocolate that was poured over other chocolate bars, like say KitKat, and the stuff that ran off underneath the line is used for the Halloween smaller sized ones. So my little Caramilk may have crumbs from the KitKat, but they can still call it gluten-free because the chocolate doesn't contain gluten. Furthermore "with this updated terminology, companies that manufacture products made with barley, oats, rye, triticale or wheat but do not contain gluten protein will have the option of labelling them as gluten-free in Canada (eg: products containing pure maltodextrin derived from wheat will now be able to label themselves as gluten free). It is felt that this change will be of benefit to celiac patients, since it could further expand the availability of healthy food choices for this group".

WTF?! This is akin to saying the rate of poverty is going down because you lowered the poverty line! Food I couldn't eat before because IT IS DERIVED FROM WHEAT I can now eat because you're calling it gluten-free?! Because maltodextrin from wheat has every single molecule of protein removed? Really? Every single one? And you guarantee that? No, of course you don't.

Furthermore, the new regulations blow chunks like some of us will:

Do the new regulations cover the precautionary labelling?

The new regulations cover food allergens, gluten sources and sulphites that have been deliberately added to food products. They do not cover the inadvertent presence of these substances as a result of cross contamination.

This means that anything can say, "Gluten-Free" as long as they don't deliberately add it. So now we have to call every single company unless it says, "Processed in a gluten-free facility" and there are only a few specialized brands that do this. Is it any wonder I shy away from processed foods?!

Crackle and Pop got it the worst, and "coincidentally" they also ate the most Chex. I thought it tasted like roasted ass, so I only had two. And well, let's just say it ain't pretty. Pop can't sleep when he's glutened. His sleep becomes fractured by screams and writhing pain. The smells that emanate from him should be weaponized. DAMN. Snap is okay-ish. She's uncomfortable and grumpy, but other than that okay. And poor Crackle... this is why Crackle can't go to school. Because he's too allergic[1] to gluten. He's been a nightmare for days. He's been cycling between screaming and laughing hysterically rather rapidly. He's incontinent again. He's completely unable to sit still, even to eat, which he's not interested in doing anyway. Except that he's hungry, and so then the crying... Oh the crying. It's painful.

The school board would not work with us the way we needed. Now, I'm not about to ask that no kid be allowed gluten. There's be riots. No crackers? No sandwiches? No cookies?! OMG! Anyway, that's not reasonable, and I'm a pretty reasonable person. So I asked

Could the kids (other than mine) could eat in a lunchroom. The way I used to when I was a kid.

HELL NO. They eat in their classrooms, thank you!

Um, but my kid is allergic to their lunches.

We'll clean up.

Yeah, I don't mean to be rude, but I highly doubt you have the time or resources to clean it up the way you'd need to in order to make him safe.

We manage kids with peanut allergies just fine!

*sigh*

See, there's a difference. A few differences. 1) My kid won't show any symptoms right away. It'll take a few hours at least. 2) There are no treatments for the symptoms. I can't give him an epipen shot and bang, he's cured. 3) You don't have a kid with a peanut allergy sitting in a classroom in which Every Single Kid is eating some form of peanuts. It's insanity. You don't say, "Oh, you just leave while we all eat peanuts and peanut butter and peanut brittle and pasta with peanut sauce and make peanut crafts. I'm sure we can clean it all up well enough that you don't react". But that's what they're saying to me.

So, no school for Crackle. There are other issues too, but that was the deal-breaker. So now ~~I don't get to pawn him off on someone else for 6 hours~~ he doesn't get the experience of going to school and I get to be a homeschooling Mom to a non-verbal kid with Autism. YAY. Can you smell my enthusiasm yet? No? That's just Pop's diaper.

[1] It's not an allergy. It's an intolerance. But if one says intolerance, people think lactose and "just pop a pill" or "so his tummy hurts a bit. It'll go away." No. This causes physical damage to the intestine that takes weeks to heal. Every exposure increases the risk of intestinal cancer, lymphoma, and secondary autoimmune diseases. Better to say allergy and be a bit imprecise.

I need a cape

2011-08-30T12:02:00.000-07:00

Rookie mistake. I took the kids to the playground. By myself.

I was feeling like SuperMom. I'd gotten the kitchen cleaned up, done several loads of laundry, got the kids through their ABA therapy, had a friend over, made lunch, cleaned up lunch and I thought, "The kids are squirrely. I'll take them to the playground. That'll be fun." Seriously? What the hell? Did someone spike my espresso with stupid pills? I know better than this. And I certainly know better than to take the dog with us too! But no...

So, I loaded the kids and the dog into the van. A task in and of itself. Pop likes to go look for cats. Buddy the Yaptastic Bastard Dog likes to take a dump the second he exits the house. Of course, we have shared front yard with the rest of the strata, so I can't just leave it for later. Someone will see and it'll be a scandal of Lewinskyan proportions. I swear, he holds it as long as possible on the off chance that he'll get to shit somewhere other than the backyard.

Pop started to cry. "GROUNNNNN". This means "playground". He wanted to go the playground and was mad because he thought getting into the van meant we weren't going to. But I picked him up and put him in the van, letting him cry. Crackle climbed in without much fight. We drove past about 5 schools to get to a school that has a protected yard. That is, I need a good 50m of run time in case one of them bolts. If Crackle bolts, it's major because he's FAST and doesn't respond to "STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! STOP FUCKING RUNNING!". And I am not fast. Every ribbon I ever got said "Participation". So we need a school with lots of room between the play area and the street.

We got there and someone was doing maintenance on the school. He gave me the evil eye as Crackle screamed for no apparent reason, but we ignored it, and went around to the back. They played for about 10 minutes. During this time, Pop cried for me to help him climb, while Crackle tried to eat paint chips, run into the open classroom and otherwise get in trouble. The dog took another dump, which I had to pick up with a granola bar wrapper and then toss into a bush because I had nothing with me because he had just shit 10 minutes before. Then another Mom showed up. With three kids and a big bag of McDonalds food. Well, crap. Crackle is not to be trusted around food. He will take it right out of strangers' hands and eat it. And McDonalds... damn. He'd be sick for two solid weeks.

So we left. Of course, this made both of them cry. I promised and promised that we'd find another playground. We got back in the van and Crackle would not stop. I kept telling him, "We're finding another playground. Don't worry. Don't cry. We're going to play more." Unfortunately, he wasn't crying for that. He was trying to tell me that he needed to pee. So in the 6 minutes between the two schools, he peed the car seat. I keep extra pants in Halen (my van. Get it? It rocks) so that wasn't a huge deal. Except that while I was changing him, Pop ran off. No harm, no foul, he'd gone to the play equipment. We caught up with him and I let them play. This lasted about ... mmm, 5 minutes? Crackle started eating the blackberries. Which wouldn't be a terrible thing if a) they didn't affect him like crack or meth to the average person; b) I could be sure they hadn't been sprayed with pesticides. He wouldn't stop - remember what I said about him and food?

Final nail in the playground coffin? Two kids showed up and I suspect they were raised by wolves. Or Republicans or something. Because they pushed past Crackle on the slide to get down it ahead of him, and then made some snarky comment I didn't quite hear, but being the mother of Snap, recognised immediately as snarktastic. I didn't trust the words in my mouth not to come out as anything but a steady stream of profanity, so I said nothing. I turned to look at their bitch (What? I said they were raised by wolves!) and she gave me a look of "WHAT?!" so I shook my head and turned back to Crackle who was eating blackberries again.

That's when I lost it. "THAT IS IT! WE ARE GOING. NOW! MOVE! BACK TO THE VAN THIS SECOND!"

Oh right. And three seconds before all of this, I dialed MrFCS so I could vent for a few seconds. So just as he answered the phone...
"THAT IS IT! WE ARE GOING. NOW! MOVE! BACK TO THE VAN THIS SECOND!"

"Um, is everything okay?
"NO! GODDAMN IT! *insert steady stream of profanity here*

So we got home. I threw the pants in the wash and said to Snap, "Look after the kids for 10 minutes so I don't kill them." (No, there was no worry of me actually killing or even hurting them. Don't fret.) She lasted about 2 and a half minutes.

When MrFCS got home, I didn't even wait until I had supper ready. I poured a large glass of wine.

They went to sleep at about 10:30. I'm going to start crocheting a SuperMom cape, I think. It'll be ironic.

Growing food!

2011-08-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

My garden is doing well. I'm finding I love the gardening. Watering, weeding, all of it. Maybe I just love having a few minutes to myself every day. :)

Tonight's haul, minus what I ate on the way home was two zucchinis, two yellow squashes and this large tomato. For size reference, the tomato is larger than my fist. I ate about 5 cherry tomatoes before I took the picture. Can't wait for the cherry tomatoes. They are *so* good.

Scripture widget down

2011-08-25T16:19:00.001-07:00

I had to remove my bible quotes widget. It was causing my browsers to crash. Anyone know of another?

Vaccines and Autism, again

2011-08-25T16:15:00.000-07:00

I've long been interested in the link between vaccines and autism and if there is any at all. I've never for the first second believed that the MMR vaccine causes autism, but I have wondered loudly if the vaccine didn't make things worse for an already immuno-compromised kid. And this is what I read today in the NYTimes:

Many children injured by vaccination have an underlying immune or metabolic problem that is simply made apparent by vaccines.“In some metabolically vulnerable children, receiving vaccines may be the largely nonspecific ‘last straw’ that leads these children to reveal their underlying” problems, the report stated.

Hah! Vindication! The vaccine triggers the immune system, as it is supposed to, but that backfires in the case of immuno-compromised or metabolically vulnerable children, and the parent who didn't know there was a problem, all of a sudden sees it. The vaccine didn't cause the autism. It worsened the symptoms into visible range.

So what does this say to me? It's probably not a good idea to vaccinate a kid who you already know has autism. At least not until his or her immune system settles down and metabolic status has been determined. Does the kid have a metabolic disorder such as carnitine deficiency? How about Darvet's syndrome? Celiac Disease? Also, if autism runs in the family, it might be a good idea to wait and see if the new baby is neurotypical before doing vaccinations. Each family has to decide for themselves if the benefits outweigh the risks.

Throat-Punch Thursday: Publicly Celebrating Death

2011-08-25T11:09:00.000-07:00

It's Throat-Punch Thursday again!

Second in the ongoing series (*preen* I remembered the word. Take that, sleep deprivation!) in which I throw a metaphorical punch at the throat of jerkwads and douchecanoes alike.

In today's edition, I give my pony some BC Bud and he gets really really high. I don't even attempt to get off of him. So here goes: Oh for the love of God people, would you stop publicly celebrating when someone you don't like dies?! Would a throat-punch convince you? Just nod your head, because I don't understand those choking noises.

When I first started this post, last Friday, I was thinking about Jonathan Bacon. By all accounts, a criminal, a gangster, a genuinely nasty piece of work. If you're happy he's dead, by all means, throw a little party, drink a bottle of champagne, whatever, but STFU about it in public, wouldja? Did you know he has a sister? A lovely woman who had nothing to do with his and his brothers' crimes. A woman who remembers her brother when he was a child, playing games. How do you think she feels to hear people literally celebrate his death? Do the feelings of anyone matter? I'll make an exception for his victims and their families. If you're Ed Schellenberg's family, for example, you get a pass. Though, honestly, it doesn't seem to be the victims and families. It appears to be random joes. People who are just happy that the world is rid of another gangster. And like I said, GO TO IT. Just shut your hole in public.

But since that time, Jack Layton, an even more public figure, has died. Jack was a good man, but many people really hated him because they're partisan hacks with a deep-seated fear of the kind of compassion that Jack espoused. They fear the idea of having to get by with a little less so that some people might have a little more. Or, maybe they just didn't like the guy. All of us have people who don't like us, even if we're good people. And so, out came the horrible commentary from the likes of Christie Blatchford and the snarky, crass tweets from Dave Naylor, a city editor for The Calgary Sun. Nasty, rude, mean words about a man who just tried to do his best for the country and all the people in it. Not just the rich ones. Not just the ones who run oil companies. Not just the ones who could help him get re-elected. Not just the ones who go to church. Not just the white ones. All of us. And what does his family get? Public, national exposure, of this vitriol. Even on the day of his death, they could read in a syndicated column, what an asshole their loved one was in the eyes of that writer and her ilk.

I admit, I didn't always agree with him. I didn't always like him. So bloody what? I also don't always agree with my Mom, and I love her. My blog gets an average of 20 hits per day. It's pretty unlikely that any of Jack's closest personal friends were reading. And I still took out the negativity when I realized how assholish it was. She's revelling in it. And Jonathan Kay is calling it courageous? Courageous? No. That's not courage. Courage would be admitting to a following of right-wingers that no, actually, he wasn't such a bad guy. Even if one didn't agree with him.

I'm not saying put on a fake spectacle of grief, like when the assclown of a jock at your highschool died because he was car surfing while drunk - the same guy who threw smaller kids into lockers and made a hobby out of sexual harassment - and you told the press how he was such a great guy and everyone loved him. No no. Just be quiet. Or I'll make ya. With my throat-punching fist.

And you know, I understand the emotion. I do. I remember when a certain right-wing politician died how pleased I was to have humanity rid of him. I was truly pleased. But I was alone in my house. I didn't do it publicly. I didn't have a nationally syndicated newspaper column in which I called him "gimlet-eyed". And I didn't personally tell thousands of his mourners that their public grieving of his death was a ridiculous spectacle. I shut up and smiled a little wider that day. And it hurt no one.

I make milk. What's your superpower?

2011-08-24T10:39:00.000-07:00

God, how I love breasts. Got your attention now, don't I? Bwahaha. SO not going where you were hoping. No, I mean, yeah, they're aesthetically pleasing if you're into that sort of thing, but the whole "can feed a kid for 6 months, all by itself" thing is seriously cool. Mine are made of awesomesauce. I could totally save a dozen kids in Somalia if I could manage to get there. Crackle weighed 25 lbs at 6 months, all from me. In the same time, I somehow didn't lose a freakin' ounce of weight and I'm pretty sure that defies some law of physics or gravity or something. I've been nursing one or two babies for 5 and a half years. First Crackle, then for about two days Crackle and Pop, and then just Pop. (Milk came back in and Crackle said, "BLECH!" and never nursed again - the little bugger dry nursed the entire way through my pregnancy - OW - and then when he got milk again didn't like it. Colour me bitter.)

I'm a big believer in breastfeeding. It's easier than formula, once you get the hang of it. No bottles to heat up and it's free. The food is perfect for the baby, and it's not got things like corn syrup solids in it. At least, I hope not. If yours does, lay off the corn syrup solids. Best of all, Nestlé doesn't make a red cent off it. I cannot stand that company. I personally boycott it. I know, they're crying in their Nescafé that they won't make that extra $75 this year. I think they'll manage.

I'm also a big believer that women don't get the support we need to breastfeed successfully a lot of the time. Mat leave is a joke if you don't have top-up benefits. Or a full-time job. I took sick days and then went back to work after 6 weeks. No mat leave at all, because I didn't have enough hours for EI. Many women go back to work well before we're ready, and well before the baby is even close to weaning.

The oft-touted 6 months? That's 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding, i.e. the baby gets no other food whatsoever. The WHO actually recommends breastfeeding after those 6 months until at least two years. Who can do that? SAHMs like me. Women with their own offices with places to pump. Women with really really awesome employers who give them pumping breaks.

And even if you are lucky enough to have a good mat leave, a good job with breaks, and an employer who isn't making moo jokes at you, what if you're just having a damned hard time of it? Cracked nipples, thrush, mastitis, bad latches, and lazy nursers will really put a damper on the nursing relationship. Most women don't know what to do in these situations, and turn to formula. Who can blame them? I sure as hell don't. The Mommy Brigade might, but they're just trying to make their own decisions seem like the One True Path.

I'm a True Believer in doing what's right for you and your family. I think breastfeeding is a really good idea, and a really good thing to do if you can make it work for you. Formula is second-class food. It is. You can't argue that. It really is. Here's an analogy:

You have a yard. In your yard, there's an organic garden. You can feed your child from your organic garden. Or, you can go to the store and buy them synthetic food made from other food-like substances. Seems like the garden is the obvious choice. However, if you can't water it (i.e. nurse enough or pump enough), it's going to dry up slowly but surely. And if every time you go out there, you come back in crying because it is just not working for you, then either you find yourself a gardening expert or you give up and head to the store. And that's okay. We all have to do what's best for us. We can't all give our kids the very best of everything all of the time. We make do and we battle on.

Oh yeah, that's another thing, the nursing in public bit. I swear to your god, that I will blow a gasket if I see one more idiot comparing breastfeeding in public to a man pissing in public. Not. The. Same. For one thing, if when you pop a boob out you start spraying everywhere, you're doing it wrong. Or you really need to lay off the galactogogues. Two, breastmilk = edible. Urine? Not so much. I mean, go to town if that floats your boat, but it's not meant to be a beverage. It's a waste product. Milk is food.

And do tell, where's the ick factor coming from? I see, "EW! I don't want to see that!" so often on articles about breastfeeding in public. Why? Because people see breasts as sexual, and the idea of a baby suckling at them gives them the heebie-jeebies. Because women need to do with their breasts what men approve of, obvs! Their biological function? That sounds rather science-y. Might wanna check with God. Uh ohz. The Bible approves of breastfeeding. But it also tells women to obey their husbands. ACK. Okay. Now I'm just being sarcastic. But it's true that there's breastfeeding in the bible. And it happened, as He spoke these things, that a certain woman from the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, "Blessed is the womb that bore You, and the breasts which nursed You!" [Luke 11:27, NKJV] So even Jesus was breastfed. Which is why I figure I can breastfeed my kid in church. Besides, it shuts him up. And that makes everyone happy.

x-posted at Dawg's Blawg

Go read something else, dammit

2011-08-23T13:24:00.000-07:00

Dr. Dawg is giving me an audience over at his blog, since all of you, my darling comrades, are figments of my imagination. Go read. Comment (for a change *grin*). Read all his stuff. DO IT. Don't make me smite you.

He didn't go gently. He fought, fought.

2011-08-22T10:16:00.000-07:00

My heart is a little bit broken today. Jack Layton's death is such a tragedy for Canada, and such a personal tragedy for his family.

*edited* I always respected him for his ethics and code of honour. He was tireless in his fight for social justice - He's a man who fought for the rights of everyone. Right until the end. Even in his last days, when he knew there would be no time left for him in this world, he looked forward to the future for Canada. That's pretty impressive.

In his farewell letter to Canada, Jack said, "My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair."

Wow.

**I took the negativity out. I read a post that made me shake my head at my classlessness and so I've taken out the honest, but unnecessarily negative commentary. Admitting when one is wrong is a start at not doing it again, no?

Throat-Punch Thursday: Leashes

2011-08-18T11:00:00.000-07:00

If you don't read Rants from Mommyland, what the hell are you waiting for? CLICK THE LINK, DAMMIT. Lydia and Kate are geniuses and their blog is truly entertaining. And I'm not just saying that because they're going to let me write a post for them. I did a Domestic Enemies piece and it's going to run sometime. I expect you to read them EVERY DAY to see if my post is there. bwahahahaha!

Anyway, comrades, I've decided to give myself ideas, I'm going to attempt one of those weekly style dealies (bask, bask, I say, in my graceful language use). So today? Throat-punch Thursday. I'm thinking throat-punches are completely appropriate for people who say REALLY stupid shit. Maybe I'll do a Finger-Snappin' Friday for stupid shit I read on the internet. I dunno though. There's only so much stupid I can take. If I go looking for it, we might end up with Suicide Saturday, and then that series would be remarkably short-lived.

In today's Throat-Punch Thursday, I offer you "Your child is not a dog! He should not be on a leash! Try some discipline." Fist of pent-up frustration, meet throat of stupid. Leashes are awesome for kids who bolt. They're fabulous for kids who hate to hold hands. And as for discipline, what exactly do you think leashes are for? They're for teaching kids the discipline of not running off. Hello? Were you saying something? Oh, sorry, I couldn't hear you over the gurgling in your throat.

Have you seen the video of the woman dragging her kid through the store on a leash? Every time I look at it, I think that a) she must have been having a hell of a day; b) why didn't anyone ask to help? c) If the kid isn't hurt, what's the difference between dragging him along a shiny, smooth floor, and picking him up kicking and screaming? I mean, it's not like he was getting rug burn or road rash. d) Crackle would love it if I did that to him. Pop too, I suspect. Crackle would have been giggling the whole way. Or at the very least grinning his face off and squealing with glee. Without sound, there's no context for the video.

Next time you see a kid on a leash, smile at the parent. Because I guarantee that parent has gotten at least 5 dirty looks in the last 10 minutes.

Speaking of dirty looks... EYE-GOUGE! Ferfucksake. If you are so passive-aggressive that you have to show your displeasure to someone but are too cowardly to say something to their face, at least write an amusing note. Because the dirty looks are really pushing the douchecanoe into the swamp. Next one I get, I'm turning to them and saying, "Yes? You were thinking of saying...?"

More medical stuff, this time I'm mad

2011-08-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was saying that I was happy for our medical system, and I am, but it's not all peaches and cream, as all of you know. The same hospital that I went to yesterday, is the one in this tragic story. Now, the CBC is getting more and more sensationalist (calling the baby a newborn for example is wrong, because officially, it's a stillbirth. The baby died before delivery), but the story has a big ring of truth to me. I delivered both Crackle and Pop at that hospital. Pop's delivery was, as the nurse put it, "nice and civilized". It was a planned c-section. Crackle's was a nightmare (the little shit had a 16.5'' head, was turned upside down and had his chin up. And I had the worst midwife on the planet). And it was a nightmare made worse by the fact that the two anaesthetists were busy with other surgeries, and they had to call in one from the lake he was fishing on. On April 1. Guess who thought it was an April Fools' joke and had to be called twice. Yeah. Thanks Pal. But also, no thanks to the hospital for not employing an anaesthetist in obstetrics full time.

Now, I know VGH says they can't get anyone, and that the pay they're asking for is entirely unreasonable. Yes, I understand. There is a doctor shortage, and it's partially because of that big suckhole to the south of us. But that tide could be stemmed. Easily.

1. Stop subsidizing medical training. Make it cost full price. Provide student loans to all students requesting them. If someone is wealthy enough to pay, great. Let 'em.
2. When students come out with MASSIVE debt, agree to pay it off in full if they stay in Canada for 15 years. 10 if they'll do it in a rural area.
3. If they leave, the debt is entirely theirs. Sic the student loan enforcers on them. Seriously, I think the US should have told Canada Student Loans that Osama bin Laden had outstanding debt. They'd have found him in 3 weeks.

We also have a waitlist problem for dx tests. Part of that is due to not using equipment full time, because it costs too much to pay for the labour. This can also be fixed. AND it'll appease the right a little.

1. If someone wants to jump the queue, let them. However, they have to pay for the tech to run the machine, at union wages, at off hours.
2. They also have to pay for the first person on the waitlist to have an off hours test.

And I am reminded that not having proper staff in an L&D ward is clearly a feminist issue. It is simply unacceptable for any reason not to have a full staff in the region's only L&D ward. Women suffer needlessly for hours as we wait for the anesthetist to come from another surgery. They come in tired and worn out from being on call for too many hours, from being in with long complicated surgeries, and labouring women get to wait for that. Now, I'm not saying I had bad care from mine, I didn't. He was cranky and pissed off to be called in from the lake on a beautiful Saturday, but I might have been too. Especially given how overworked he is. Hell, I apologised to him! I'd been labouring for over a day, I'd been waiting for him or someone else for my emergency c-section for 3 hours, sucking on nitrous oxide like I was trying to influence a politician because my epidural had worn off many hours earlier and the 1st anesthetist was called into someone else's surgery and away from my care. And I took one look at the new guy and apologised. Yeah.

But see, other surgeries are more important. Women get the dregs. Again.

medical system stuff*

2011-08-16T22:39:00.000-07:00

Every time I go to the hospital, I`m reminded how much I like living in a place with good universal healthcare. I mean, sure, the facilities are a bit lacking in places, and OMG those poor nurses, but if I lived in the US, we couldn`t have afforded that. Today`s trip cost me nothing extra and involved no insurance paperwork. I hate the insurance companies. We`re fighting with them all the time to cover the compounded meds that the kids get. The runaround they give us is impressive and disgusting. They lie, they obfuscate, they delay. It`s a nightmare. If we had to deal with that shit for every test, every appointment, every specialist, I`d go postal.

Crackle`s test went really well. He was such a good little boy for me. Such a proud Mama I was. Thank you all for the kind thoughts. We`ve got a followup appointment with the neurologist next Friday. Of course they can`t tell you anything at the test itself, but I`ve found that if you butter up the nurses a bit, they give you some clues. While Crackle slept, I crocheted a potholder and gave it to the nurse (who was awesome and totally deserved a better treat than that). What that lead to was her saying, "I think it was a very good thing that you got this test done. Very good." And then a meaningful look. A few minutes later, "Call the doc and get a followup. Immediately." Uhm... Okay... So I told her that they said they`d call and book a follow up once they got the test interpreted. She said, "Yeah, that`s okay, but ... you just give them a call. You`ll get in sooner that way." So that fills me with dread and hope all at the same time. Weird, eh? Mostly, I`m just hoping it`s something that can be medicated and that he`ll make some progress.

Speaking of specialists, after this neuro, the next big one is a geneticist specializing in mitochondrial disorders. She`s at BC Children`s Hospital, so we get to take a trip over to the mainland. I was a little choked about that cost (the ferry for all of us will be about $65, I think, each way) but I found out that that`s covered too. I just had to fill out a form, call an automated system and get a number from it. We give that to BC Ferries, and they waive the fee. That`s kinda awesome.

So yeah. As much as I cannot deal with a lot of what`s going on in politics, I`m awfully glad to have our medical system. And it`s why I am so anti-conservative. They`d take all that away if they could. They`d have me dealing with the insurance company. If MrFCS could keep his government job. If not, too fucking bad, I guess. They`re truly heartless bastards.

Also? I think the father of Snap, Crackle, and Pop needs a better name. I`m kind of thinking Tony the Tiger. Hahahaha. Or maybe Lucky, the leprechaun from the Lucky Charms box. I'll think about it.

*It took me 15 mins to think of that post title. yes, I am that bad at thinking up titles.

Scary shit

2011-08-15T22:08:00.000-07:00

Crackle is going for a sleep EEG tomorrow. He has had a few seizures, and now they're going to see if they can record them with this fancy ass test. He has to be sedated, because there's no way in hell he'll lie still for it. I mean, there's a better chance that Rick Perry will convert to Islam. So yeah, sedation.

So I'm really nervous for him. He'll be so scared. And he's been off his taurine for a week (because that raises the seizure threshold) and he's already a mess. He's not sleeping well. Tonight he NEEDED to stack his shirts. And then he needed to get out of the house for a stroller ride. His Daddy has him out now.

And what's worse? He can't eat after 8am. He eats pretty much constantly. He's NOT going to understand why he can't eat. He's going to be a fucking disaster. Gah.

MrFCS is taking the day off work to help me with all of it. I do wish that weren't necessary. So yeah. I could use another drink.

A picture of him from the other day during our adventure at Royal Roads.

Some days you're the windshield, some days, you're the wiper that has to scrape that shit off

2011-08-13T21:19:00.000-07:00

We've had a bit of a rough week. It was the end of Crackle's run of antibiotics, which gave him the runs something fierce, despite probiotics. And next week he has an EEG, so we have him off his taurine, so that we can get a clear test, without that raising his seizure threshold. He's gone somewhat crazy. -er, that is. Crazier. Dude. He's off his nut. Sleep is clearly bullshit, and how could I be so stupid as to not know this? Toilets are for suckers. Floors are perfect for peeing on. Especially carpet, because hey, it makes it all dark and cool and then Mama has to get out the loud vacuum cleaner. AWESOME. And Pop? Oh poor little guy. I had him out of his diaper, and he peed on the floor. He was so sure I'd be mad at him. Poor baby. "Mom MAD." I'd been so careful about not showing Crackle I was mad at him, I missed being careful that |Pop didn't see. So I said, "No baby, Mama's not mad. You're a good boy. It was an accident. Don't worry. Let's clean it up!" He looked at me and said, "MOM MAD!" *sigh* Must be more careful, I guess.

So, because of Crackle's aforementioned insanity and insomnia, I decided to play him out by taking him hiking in the woods today. So stupid, Luna. So stupid. Guess which one of us is played out and has a throbbing ankle. I'm a mess. Probably because I'm old. It was my birthday last weekend (Sunday the 7th) and I'm taking this one hard for some reason. Maybe because it hit me that the friends we had over are actually closer in age to Snap than they are to us. That was a kick in the teeth. Anyway, I'm stalling. The hike... Good lord.

We went to the trails at Royal Roads University in Colwood. My darling son bolted on me and I chased him, laughing and joking with him. I was thinking that the run would be good for both of us. Ha. I would be the single worst person to have with you if you were lost in the woods. My sense of direction is inversely proportionate to my sense of smell. I can smell it if MrFCS is getting a canker sore. I can smell if the kids are getting a flu. So, you can imagine how bad my sense of direction is. Yes, I got all turned around and ended up a good hour's walk from my van, with an autistic 5 year old who was, by then, tired. And when he's tired, walking is, well, bullshit. No way. Not going any further. So... I bummed a ride from a very nice lady who happened to have an extra car seat. Seriously. What the chances of that were, I couldn't fathom. The very end of a very small campus, and a woman drives up in a van and has an extra child seat and she's willing to drive us back to the van. Thank you, God.

Mr Crackle was quite enamoured with this new experience. A new vehicle? Awesome. New people? Very cool. So, when she dropped us off, he said, "Bye!" ... to me. He wanted me to leave him with the stranger in the van. When it became clear that wasn't happening, he had a meltdown of EPIC proportions. He cried hysterically all the way home. He was hyperventilating when I got him into the bathtub.

Do you have any idea how heartbreaking that is? My son wanted me to leave him with a stranger. He wanted it so much he cried until he couldn't breathe. I've been in tears ever since.

So, tonight I'm sitting in my room quietly, and my darling husband has the boys out for a walk in the double stroller. I'm going to read a good book (Patrick Rothfuss's The Name of the Wind) and escape for a while. They'll be back soon.

New and inventive ways Jesus worked for me.

2011-08-04T15:05:00.000-07:00

How I got rid of my stalker. Feel free to use this.

The guy’s name was Keith and he stalked a number of girls/women. Several exes and me, his friend’s ex. Anyway, it was my turn (again), and he was following me freakin’ everywhere. One Sunday, I got mad and went to church. Afterward, he was standing there, trying not to be seen, watching, so I went up to him and said, “I am *so* glad to see you here! It is so wonderful that you’ve found Jesus! Here, take my hands!” Then I grabbed his hands and went off on the longest, sappiest, most cloying Jesus prayer I could think of. I prayed for his soul. I prayed for his health. I prayed for his family. I prayed for the baby of the people he was standing with pretending to know. I prayed for any and everything I could think of in that moment.

NO ONE likes an evangelist (of that sort, anyway). I never saw him again.

My escape artist

2011-08-04T11:44:00.000-07:00

Crackle escaped today. Gave me the scare of a lifetime. Here's the story: The garbage truck pulled up, prompting Pop to go wild screaming "OH NO! TRUCK! OH NO!" which just means, "TAKE ME OUT TO SEE THE TRUCK BEFORE IT GOES AWAY!" So, I took a glance at Crackle, who was jumping on the trampoline in the backyard, and stepped out the front door, leaving it open a crack so I could hear him if he fell or decided to eat coffee grounds or climb the stove, etc. Pop and I stood less than 5 feet from the front door and watched the truck pull up, empty the garbage cans, set them down and leave. So, literally, less than 4 minutes. During that time, I turned to the door twice to make sure the dog hadn't gotten out. He hadn't, the door was still just a crack open. So once the truck left, I turned around again and saw the door was open more. Figured it was the wind, or the dog nosing it open to see what we were doing. I went around to the back to check on Crackle. No Crackle. I checked his hiding spots. Nope. I ran up the stairs to his room. Nope. OMG. THE DOOR WAS OPEN. So I ran out the front and started hollering his name. Which frankly, was stupid, since he doesn't respond to his name, and just blocked out the sound of his vocal stim. I looked down the lane and didn't see him. I went quiet to listen and I could just barely hear him saying "Oh neee ah. Oh neee nyo." He's loud though, so I knew he was a ways a way. I was FREAKING. I ran back to the house to call the RCMP and my husband and there he was, walking up the sidewalk GRINNING his face off. He was so proud of himself. *sigh* What really gets me, is the little bugger must have watched to see that I wasn't looking and sneaked past me in the other direction. There's a building right behind where I was standing, so he'd have to have only gone one direction, the only one I couldn't see peripherally. Bugger.

I'm calling that my aerobic exercise for the day. What? It got my heart racing, didn't it?

This, after having only 3 hours sleep last nigh because wtf, he's 5 and has insomnia. I'm already past my 3rd shot of espresso this morning, and he's functioning on what? He's playing with a transformer toy right now. Optimus Prime. I make it into a semi truck and then he tries to make a robot out of it. About halfway through he gives up, or decides it's good enough and I have to transform it back into a truck.

On another note, Betty Fokker over at The Stay-at-Home Feminist has asked me to post 7 fun facts about me. So here goes:
1. I've got a weird memory for numbers. I can remember the phone numbers of the kids I was friends with in elementary school. Denise was 543-9358. I haven't used that number in 32 years.
2. I also have a weird memory for words. It's why I am good at learning languages. However, it's not like numbers. If I don't use them, they're temporarily gone. So, I got an A+ in German, but remember none of it. However, I could be basically fluent if I went there for a month or so. A month later, it'd be gone.
3. I really like symmetry. It can get a little stupid at times. I will rearrange the eggs left in the carton so they're in a symmetrical pattern. And the values that the tv settings are at are all perfect squares.
4. When I was pregnant, I craved mustard. MUSTARD! On everything. I put it on risotto.
5. I've had a bad back since I was 11 and some kids on a tobaggan used me as a jump. I don't think they meant to, but I was badly hurt. Silver lining? I got out of PE for the rest of the year. *SO* worth it.
6. I once punched a guy for trying to throw a girl into the snow. She was screaming at him and begging him not to, saying he was hurting her and would ruin her silk skirt. She called me a crazy bitch.
7. I have never once managed to lose a single pound by dieting. I don't even mean, I dropped a few and put back on more. I mean, it simply does not matter how much or little I eat, I do not drop weight by dieting or ramping up exercise. I just don't drop weight. Except sometimes completely randomly. Like when my foot was broken and I couldn't do anything but sit on my ass and eat. Then I dropped 12 lbs. About 6 of those are back.

So there. That was fun. And now I'm hungry. It occurs to me that 3 espressos with steamed almond milk is probably not enough to eat.

Who needs sleep? ME!

2011-08-04T11:05:00.000-07:00

Who knew 5 year olds could have insomnia? Well, I do now. Crackle is averaging about 6 hrs a night, and last night, it was 3. 2.5 maybe. I dunno, I was too tired to see the clock. So suffice it to say, the blogging is taking a hit.

I've been thinking more about Breivik and Christianity, and I'm coming to the conclusion that we need to own it and look at what we've done or not done that has allowed that kind of a twisted system of beliefs to grow and still call itself Christian. I mean, there are a LOT of really nasty people who call themselves Christian. I don't think it's helpful to get all self-righteous and say, "Yeah, well, that's not Christianity! Jesus said love one another." Because, frankly, that's what they're saying too, except it's, "Yeah, well, that's not Christianity. The Bible says homosexuality is a sin." Yeah, the same guy also says women with short hair are sinning, but you don't see all that many who won't cut their hair (there are a few).

I think that's what infuriates me the most in the entire world. Hypocrisy. Besides the fact that I can never ever spell it right on the first try, the whole notion of it just bugs me. It's why I hated church when I was a teenager. I saw so many people there who were just plain mean SOBs during the week. And no nicer 2 minutes after the mass was over. I couldn't deal. I thought all churches were like that. Glad to say that's not the case.

The news media makes me feel that rage too. Claiming non-bias and then being insanely conservative, all the while screaming about the liberal media. I saw this example this morning, linked by @queerthoughts on Twitter.

I'm entirely too sleep deprived to do a proper post, so I'm going to leave it there, all cut off. But I do have another coming later today if I get the chance to sit down again for 10 minutes. The Lady Fokker has asked me to post 7 "fun facts", and I'm pretty sure I can be entertaining for that. :)

Render unto Caesar... But it's MINE! MINE!

2011-07-26T15:02:00.000-07:00

"Better is a little with righteousness than great revenues with injustice." Proverbs 16:8

But you keep right on fighting against higher taxes for the rich, right-wing Christians.

Gotcha? I'll give ya gotcha...

2011-07-26T14:44:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite political bloggers, the completelytotallysuperawesome Fern Hill at Dammit Janet was insulted in The Star this morning by a whiny little sucky baby who fails to grasp the difference between one's political record and a meaningless offhanded comment. The Star won't let her rebut without giving up her anonymity, which she's not willing to do (with good reason). So, go read it.

My thought? Gotcha politics is when a politician says one thing, and someone dredges up a quote (usually out of context) showing otherwise and uses it to say "GOTCHA!" This isn't that. This is, "Hmm, you said this. Could you please clarify your position?" The difference is rather important, but clearly too much for Mr. Stupid OpEd. Typical of the right.

It's beginning to get to me

2011-07-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

You know, there are days when the news really really gets to me. Today is one of those days. I may have to take a political break and just focus on my family, because I'm getting too overwhelmed by the world.

I can deal with tragedy. I can handle that. It's the sustained hatred that I see in various places that makes me tic like an addict in need of a fix. And the abject stupidity.

The tragedy in Somalia (people say "deal with it" and "we can't afford to help", sentencing them death). Jack Layton announces he's got cancer again (people cheer!) A terrorist kills more than 80 people in Norway, most of them youth (Glenn Beck says they're like Hitler Youth. Other people argue about whether he's a Christian.)

Bleh. I'll have to write something about autism or something. It's far less painful than the political shit lately. :(

God hates your politics... Wait, what?

2011-07-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

The mass murdering terrorist son of a bastard in Norway called himself Christian. Lovely. Notice that unlike the media, now that I know he's Christian, I still refer to him as a terrorist. Because he is. My husband points out that 'madman' also fits, because he's not a member of a terrorist organization, and so he can understand why the label changed. However, he also agrees that the guy was most definitely a terrorist, as the action was clearly politically motivated. The asshole shot a bunch of kids at a socialist party camp. Those poor kids. Their poor parents. :(

Now, I'm a socialist, so this sickens me on more than a human level. This infuriates me on a political level. You can bet that if this were a leftist, the rhetoric would be far different. The guy is a "madman" now. Or a "crazed hunting fan" (if you read The Sun. Don't read The Sun.) What if he were a lefty? Then what? Socialist! OMG!

And OMG. If this had been a Muslim... Hell, the racist shit started immediately. I even assumed it was Islamic terrorism, simply because of the timing. (Norway arrested a Muslim man last week for terrorist threats). That being said, I'm an individual. I don't have a responsibility to the public not to shoot my mouth off about these things. And I didn't change my label of him after I found out I was wrong.

So, he's Christian, is he? Great. So if I say he's not a real Christian because Jesus preached love, not hate, the atheists will get on their high horse (that horse must have some awesome hallucinations, because it is really fucking high) about Christian extremism being the root of all evil and how when Christians disavow themselves of this, we're being hypocritical asshats, blah blah blah (see Pharyngula's site, for examples). Okay... so I have to own it. I can deal with that. The guy called himself Christian. I cannot for the first second fathom how one can follow Jesus and then go on a killing spree, but it's happened before and it'll happen again. I abhor this behaviour, and so does every mainstream Christian church. It's not the No True Scotsman fallacy to say this man wasn't a true Christian, btw. Because being a Christian isn't someone one is born to like being a Scotsman is. It's how one lives one's life. I can call myself vegan all I like, but if I eat meat and wear leather, I'm not a true vegan.

Seems to me that the problem isn't his religion (and yeah, I'd say that for a Muslim. In fact, I have said that.) Seems to me that the problem is the politics and that religion is somehow, mindblowingly, used to justify it. Extreme ideas of right-wing politics backed up by religion (any religion) is a recipe for disaster. The same could be said for left-wing politics, but I've not seen any religion-backed left-wing extremist violence. Left-wing violence seems to be atheistic. Please, if you know of examples where the left uses God to justify their violence, I'd like to hear about it. I don't claim it never happened, just that I don't know about it. When one starts thinking that God is on their side of the political fence, it seems a bit weird to me. Of course, I joke that Jesus was a socialist, what with the sharing and healing and feeding people who couldn't remember to bring their own fish and bread to the picnic. But to actually say that God wants me to commit acts of violence to weaken the strength of a competing ideology is just absurd.

Someone on Twitter, I think it was DeBeauxOs of Dammit Janet! wanted to know why people who commit violent acts like this are called "cowards". That one got me too, so I asked MrFCS who asked, "How brave is it to gun down a bunch of kids? He was too cowardly to go after those who are actually the problem. Or, the problem as he sees it, that is." Makes sense I guess. My thought was that his rationale was that he'd stop dozens of young people from growing up to be socialists. Never mind the bit about dead martyrs... Stupid more than cowardly. But I guess I understand the label better now. I still don't think it fits quite right though.

Anyway, I'll be praying for the victims, their families and friends. And I'll be praying for the shooter. Because he is one twisted son of a bastard. But I'll be praying for the victims and their loved ones first.

Comments Please

2011-07-20T14:54:00.001-07:00

I'm trying something new with the comments. Please say something stupid (other than "something stupid") in the comments. Also, if some of you could reply to comments already there, I'd appreciate it.

Let's call this an Open Thread of Stupidity.

Feast or famine

2011-07-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: The United Church has launched an appeal for help for Africa. Please donate. Either there, or with another reputable charity.

I don't know why I'm such an idiot. I keep reading comments on news stories. I think I must subconsciously want to get mad. I am so infuriated about the lack of response to the famine in Africa. I see so many asshole comments like, "We have our own problems. We can't help them." WHAT?! Seriously? They're literally starving to death and your problem is what? That you can't afford a latte every single day, but only every other day? Yes, we have homelessness and poverty, but we have food banks and shelters. They're not a solution, but they're something. These people have no back up plan. No safety net. It's not a matter of there's no money to go to the grocery store. It's a matter of there's no grocery store. There's no garden because there's no rain. There's NO FOOD. We are obliged to help them.

It's a colossal lack of understanding, I'm sure. Oh sure, there are some apathetic asshats, but I think mostly people simply do not grok the situation. I mean, money flows when there is a disaster like an earthquake or tsunami. We get natural disasters of that sort. But famine? That's so far out of our realm of comprehension that there seems to be a collective head-in-the-sand approach to it. I actually heard someone say, "This is just par for the course for Africa." Um. Okay. I think people here think they can just adapt, or that because this is nothing new (it is though, because of its severity) that people will somehow get through it. I know, it wasn't sudden or unexpected, which can truly make things worse, because there's no time to do anything (like get to refugee camps where they could still starve) or fly in some food and water, but at this point, there's nothing more they can do. They're at the end of their options. It is on the rest of us as human beings to help. There's not a religion in the world that doesn't have some version of the golden rule. We must help.

So... further to yesterday's saga of me losing my mind trying to look after the kids without help, now I'm sure He's screwing with me. :) After I wrote my epic whingefest, I went to pick the kids up. Pop started crying for a bar (sunbutter bars are his favourite thing ever). We were out. I looked up at the sky and said, "SERIOUSLY?!" Told Pop sorry, and then put him in his car seat. And promptly found a bar, still in the wrapper, between the two seats. HA! Then, Pop refused a nap, but went to sleep at 7 last night and slept through until 6, at which point he nursed and went back to sleep until 7:30. Crackle went to sleep at 9 and slept through until 8. I got to go to bed super early. Then, this morning, I got to go sit in that quiet cathedral and just do nothing. It was glorious.

So, having been raised with a healthy dose of Catholic guilt, I've been feeling terrible about how I have so much and people are literally starving to death. I've also been feeling terrible about how overwhelmed I am, given how much worse things could be. Well, I got a little answer on that one. Have you ever been burned? Like a small, first degree burn? It hurts like hell, right? Does it hurt less when you think "Well, I could be scalded all over. I should be grateful that I'm not". Hell no it doesn't. It still freakin' hurts. Same deal.

Now, I know, I'm being a bit inconsistent, because earlier I was mocking someone else's first world problems. But I don't care. There's a difference. My being overwhelmed by my first world problems don't prevent me from donating money to help. I'm not hung up on my need for wealth so much that I can't give to others. In a nutshell, I don't think anyone has a right to be part of the privileged class. If your biggest problem is that you might have to give up some of your luxury for someone else to have their necessities, that's pretty petty. And that's not a burn. That's a cool shower instead of a hot one.

I think this is why I'm so very angry: greed is making the plight of the people in Africa so very much worse. We could alleviate their suffering but we choose not to. We're part of the problem. And that just utterly infuriates me.

Insert witty post title here...

2011-07-19T11:05:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think God is just screwing with me. Or I would if I believed that God worked that way. I'm pretty sure God's not just thinking of ways to drive me insane, and I'm virtually positive that God can't work in this world without using people to do it, but every once and a while, when I'm dead tired and feeling paranoid, I wonder. :)

So, as I've mentioned elseweb, MrFCS is in Toronto this week (HAHA Sucker! Hope you're enjoying the heatwave!) and I'm alone with the kids. Now, the vast majority of the vast majority of days, I barely make it through without tears. And that's with my darlin' husband there to help. So, what happens? Crackle decides sleep is bullshit and stays up until midnight wrecking up the place. Snap, who swore up and down that she would be so very much help, lost it. And this morning we had to be up extra early to go to their groups. No sleeping in. Okay... so I managed to get through that with some crying and swearing, but no major meltdowns. I kept telling myself I could go sit in my favourite place and just soak in the quiet. So this morning, I dropped the kids off and beelined for the open sanctuary at one of the cathedrals downtown. Sat down, took a few deep breaths, started to say a bit of a thank you, and WTF?! Someone started tuning the organ. The enormous pipe organ. The sound was awful. Deafening discordant notes. The same horrible scale a few times over. I waited a few minutes until it became apparent that it was not going to stop any time soon and I got up and left, even more frustrated than I went in.

Okay, so some deep breaths, some fist shaking at the sky, and I figured, Okay... go to the library. Chill. Rant about it to your poor readers. Sat down and got all the way to the WTF in the paragraph above and FUCKING WINDOWS 7 THAT PIECE OF SHIT REBOOTED without warning me. Oh sure, there was a flashing icon on the bar, but nothing that stole focus and actually gave me warning. As soon as I'm finished the video game I've been playing on here, Windows is GONE and I'm putting Linux on this beast.

Now, back to that church I mentioned. I really like that place. I don't go in there and pray (much), but I do go in, sit down and soak up the quiet and peacefulness of the place. What I really like to do is just sit and let my mind go. I allow my brain to go whatever way it wants, meandering around, coming back to whatever is bothering me as much as I need to. I don't stop it, I don't constrain it, I don't try to think of anything. I just let it go. And when it's almost perfectly silent in the room, that is golden for me. I can figure so much out in that time.

So, I'll try again tomorrow. Because my brain is too full. I've got too many things I need to let go of. Like all the suffering in Somalia. There's pretty much nothing I can do about it except pray and donate some money. By the way, if you're looking for a good charity, the United Church's Mission and Service Fund is excellent. I know, it's a Christian charity and they have some bad history, but the UCC's help is not conditional. We help anyone, Christian or not. If you're still worried, try UNICEF. More of their money goes to advertising than the M&S fund, but it's still a good charity doing good work.

So, I have a half an hour left before I have to go pick up the kids. I think I'm going to go find a mindless novel and chill.

LOL! I just looked at my scripture quote for the day:
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

Yeah yeah, I know. But the reminder is nice.

Your perspective might be broken when your head is in your ass

2011-07-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

I love a sermon that gets me thinking, and ~~today's~~ yesterday's was no disappointment. The scripture of the day was one part of the Jacob and Esau story, the part where God came to Jacob to tell him that he was chosen. The night when he was sleeping with a rock for a pillow. Cynical me wonders if the dream wasn't all just the result of sleeping on such a hard pillow. That kind of headache would give me quite the dream indeed!

So the lovely minister (hi!) talked about how God chose Jacob, even though he'd been a greedy, conniving, sneaky prick (my words, not hers, believe it or not.) He couldn't handle the idea of getting less than his brother, the first born son, and was even pulling at his heel when they were born. He wasn't satisfied with being the younger son. Growing up, not knowing how the laws worked in the time of Jacob and Esau, I had a different take on it. I thought that God was rewarding Jacob for at least trying to make things right in his family. After all, the way I saw it, twins were born at the same time, and one minute didn't matter for anything. The birthright should have been split evenly between the two. If his father was too much of an idiot to see that, well, then Jacob was right to at least try, and God was giving him what should have been his in the first place. It's amazing what a little perspective and education does to a story!

The lady who comes over to clean for me on Fridays (don't judge me!) is a darlin' old lady who insists that there is no interpretation in bible reading, and that the Holy Spirit always guides us to the right meaning. I laugh. Because very good people come up with very different readings of the same passages regularly. Of course, she thinks she's completely right, because the Holy Spirit tells her so, and anyone who disagrees, well, they're letting their prejudices get in the way. I cannot help but laugh. She laughs along with me, but I'm pretty sure she's praying for my soul.

Another example of how education changes the reading: Did you know that male homosexuality was considered to be a weakness, something one engaged in if there were no women around and one was just really horny? There was a large trade in young, male prostitutes, and the laws, at least in the times of Paul, were really meant to say, "Um, no... keep it within your marriage". And I think that's pretty good advice. But people have terribly twisted the passages, based on their limited knowledge, and have done an awful lot of damage with it. Just today, I was reading about some christofascist who was saying that it is a moral thing to kill gay people. And this isn't just some wingnut with no power. This is someone whose group is supported by Michelle Bachmann. I mean, really, this is disgusting. First of all, even if you do believe homosexual behaviour is sinful, Jesus himself saved a woman from a legal death by stoning for a "sin" of a similar nature. So where do these asshats get off acting like they know better than Jesus? It's absolutely infuriating.

Anyway, this was meant to be a much better post with a much better ending, but MrFCS is in Toronto (haha! of all the times to have to go down east, they picked a heatwave), and the kids are driving me NUTS.

Exercise your right to shut up

2011-07-14T16:03:00.000-07:00

There's a video game camp in Fredricton, NB that is under fire from glorified PE teacher (i.e. kinesiology professor), Gabriela Tymowsky. Apparently OMG! FAT KIDS might not be made miserable with the running for every hour of every day until they're appropriately thin!

Bite me, Gabriela. Bite my fat, video game playin' ass. Are you going to whine and bitch about drama camps? Art camps? Music camps? Kids there don't run all day. Or is it just video games that have your panties in a twist? How dare kids have fun doing what they like for a few days in the summer?! No no no. Not if Gabriela has her way. Those kids should be shamed into exercising themselves thin!

I have a question for you, Gabriela. What if the kids are already thin enough for your idea of healthy? Or maybe there isn't thin enough. Do they get to take a break from the exercise then? Or are video games on the list of Things That Make You FAT and therefore must never be done?

A quick search of the website shows that video games are only a part of the day. It's not like you show up at camp and play games all day. FFS, lady. Shut up. And CBC can go to hell for reporting it too. What's next? Old Man Angry at Kids on his Lawn? Because that's what this stinks of. A nosy, busybody who doesn't want kids to have any sort of fun that she doesn't approve of. I'll send my kids to any bloody camp I like, and I don't need a glorified PE teacher telling me whether or not it's good for them. Neither do the parents of the kids there.

I'm terribly sick of the attitude that fat people should be allowed to do nothing at all if it isn't part of their weight loss plan. I was in a Robin's Donuts once and a bunch of young assholes started harrassing a large woman for eating a doughnut. No one was stopping them. I was too afraid to (it was late, I was alone, I'd recently had a run in with some other young assholes). Finally she said, "JESUS CHRIST! I GET ONE FUCKING DOUGHNUT A MONTH IF I STICK TO MY DIET AND YOU'VE JUST FUCKING WRECKED IT FOR ME!" One of the assholes said, "It looks like it's one too many." She started to cry and they left laughing. That's what this reminds me of. Kids want to play video games over the summer and some asshole pipes up with, "You're too fat to play video games! That's not healthy!"

I've seen it from friends too. They see a fat kid eating something fattening and assume that's all he ever eats. They see a fat kid playing a video game and they make snarky comments that he never exercises. It's not fair. And it's not okay. Nor is shaming their parents. I've heard people I generally respect say that obese kids are victims of child abuse (and their idea of obese is a bit sketchy, at best). They claim that genetics are irrelevant or outliers, and feel completely justified in blaming parents for their kids' weight, not knowing for the first second what goes on in their homes. It drives me crazy.

And do you really think that depriving kids of the things they want to do in order to make them exercise is a "healthy choice"? Hell no, it isn't. I hated exercise when I was in school. They pushed and pushed us to do it. It was awful. I still hate it when I realize it's exercise. I like to do physical activity if it's for something else - like a long walk to the store. For the sake of it alone? GAH. It's tedious, it's infuriating. It makes me feel like crawling out of my skin, just thinking of it.

In a nutshell, STFU, Gabriela; you're making things worse.

Little Things, again

2011-07-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

I've done a lot of complaining lately, so this post is going to be about things I love.

Lately, I've noticed some things about my loved ones that I particularly love:
1) Snap - proudly out and not takin' crap from anyone. She has a date on Saturday with someone she met at the Pride parade last weekend. (OMG! This is me, NOT freaking out.)
2) Crackle - his hatred of certain ads cracks me up endlessly. He loses his freakin' mind if he can't shut the TV off when there's one of the following products being advertised: a) iPhones, iPods, iPads; b) Tylenol; c) Home Hardware; d) Subway; e) Dairy Queen if it's with the disembodied mouth. When these ads are on, he FLIES for the TV to shut it off. If he happens to be strapped into his booster seat, he goes utterly insane with the screaming to get it shut off. Those ads are like nails on a chalkboard to him. I find it hilarious.
3) Pop - When I blow bubbles for him, he runs around hitting them yelling "POP!" It's adorable.
4) MrFCS - When I ask for something, instead of saying "absolutely" he says "absosmurfly". This started well before the new Smurfs movie was announced.

Other shit I love:
Futurama reruns.
Sex dreams (Something's up with my hormones, my dreams are on FIRE! Damn.)
The weather - I freakin' love a summer that never hits 25.
Jumping on the trampoline with the kids, especially when Pop is demanding "RIAW!" (rhymes with Meow) which is PopSpeak for Ring Around the Rosie.
Crackle's way of telling me he's ready for bed - he grabs me and pulls me up the stairs. I MUST hold him until he sleeps. It's one of the best parts of my day.

"You can't argue with the little things, Homer. It's the little things that make up life." Hank Scorpio in The Simpsons episode You Only Move Twice

Terrible News

2011-07-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Local News Channel,

It is extremely crass to go from a story about drought, refugees, and the worst humanitarian crisis facing the world right now to a story about how the weather here is going to be cooler than seasonal with a bit of rain (OMG! RAIN! On the Westcoast?!) by saying, "And now for some not so good news for those of us here on the island..."

SERIOUSLY?! Like the previous news was just GREAT news for us, right? WTF! And that our 'not so good news' is that we're going to get rain? One of the things they need most? C'mon! What's next? A follow up to famine with the "not so good news" that we're going to have so much food we have to throw it out?

Disgusted,
Luna

Don't be That Guy

2011-07-10T18:10:00.000-07:00

How hard is it to figure that out not have sex with drunk women? Apparently many men still need to get the message. There's a poster campaign in Vancouver now, warning guys not to be "that guy". The guy that takes home the drunk girl and then rapes her. You know, that guy. According to cbc.ca, the posters say, "Sex without consent is assault." Another says, "Just because she's drunk, it doesn't mean she wants to f**k."

Okay, good. I'm all for reminding men not to be rapist douchebags. I don't know how much this will help, but it's about damned time that the onus was put on men. Because women don't bring on their own rapes. Not if we're drunk, not if we're dressed provocatively. Never. It is not our responsibility to "not get raped". It is the responsibility of men to not rape us.

DO NOT READ THE COMMENTS at cbc. This is good advice for always, but it's particularly important for this article, as the rape apologists, men's rights activists, and other douchecanoes are out in spades. I swear, the very first comment I read was, "Yeah? But what about the men who get preyed upon by women?" Yeah, OMG. What about the menz?! Jesus wept. Another one said that it was too one-sided of a campaign, that women need to be responsible for their actions. Yes, because having one too many drinks totally means fuck me without my consent. Another yet equates being hit on by "ugly girls" to being raped while drunk.

Clearly, we still need feminism.

Autism is kicking my ass

2011-07-09T15:36:00.000-07:00

Crackle and Pop take a "Verbal Behaviour Through Music" class for children with Autism on Saturday mornings. It's parent participation (ugh). What it ends up being is parents singing the songs, desperately trying to get their kids to participate in some meaningful way. Any parent whose child cooperates wins the day. At least that's how it seems to me. I heard one mother mutter, "Just open your mouth. That's all I ask. Just open your mouth." We were trying to get the kids to make various sounds and do various mouth exercises (chomp teeth, stick out your tongue, puff your cheeks). Hahaha. Pop cooperated more than all the other kids combined, but that's only because we had bubbles to blow at him. Still, I'll pretend I'm just a better parent that the others. It'll give me the boost I need to get through the day. :)

I like going to those classes. I like seeing that I'm not the only parent going insane trying to teach my kid the things that come naturally to other kids. MrFCS and I have noticed The Look. The Look that all parents of kids with moderate to severe autism have. The utterly exhausted, totally frustrated, helpless desperation.

Today, I'm sporting that look. Usually I can fake it pretty well. But today... eesh. Crackle has had me hyperfocused for a long time. In a nutshell, no matter where I am, or what I am doing, I have to know exactly where he is and listen for what he's doing. Everything in my house is locked down. Everything. Bathroom doors, cabinets, drawers, bedroom doors, closets. God forbid anyone leave a door open. I've got the monitor velcroed to the computer desk, and the case velcroed to the wall. Anyway, having to be that constantly aware is really exhausting. And lately, he's taken to peeing on his floor again. He'd stopped doing it for a while, quietly lulling us into a false sense of security. And now? Two to five times a day I have to shampoo part of the rug in his room. I wish we could pull up the rug and put in something else, like cork or something. But that is not happening any time soon, if ever.

Today? Crackle peed on the floor 3 times. Stuck his head in the toilet once. Peed in the sink once. Had a screaming fit 3 times. Got into the fridge I dunno how many times. Stuck his hand into my shirt more times than I can count. Pop demanded to eat, refused to eat, demanded to nap, refused to nap, refused to take his medicine, demanded to eat again, refused to eat again, pushed Crackle, cried when I got him dressed, cried when I got him undressed, ate, and then broke out into a rash and fell asleep. Snap? Screamed at me when I called her name because she was already downstairs, called her brother a retard (a huge huge HUGE deal here), told me to fuck off, did a half-assed job of her chores, repeating the same mistake she always gets shit for, and then asked me for a favour.

SO HELP ME GOD if anyone tells me that any of this shit is normal. Do you go up to a mother whose child is in a wheelchair and say, "Sometimes my child won't walk either"? Listen pal, your kid acts up sometimes. This is my kids' normal. And mine aren't choosing to do this. It's how they are.

All this is why parents need more support with our kids with autism and other special needs. Autism treatment isn't covered by medicare. Their medical needs are ignored. The respite is laughable, and if you are lucky to have some money for it, you're on your own to find someone who can help. "Just get a babysitter!" a former friend told me. Really? You think I can find someone who can keep the boys safe, just like that? I RUN, regularly. I'm forever screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! as I'm running toward them, keeping Crackle from pulling down something on his head or drowning in the toilet. Going out with both of them is virtually impossible without leashes and OMG the dirty looks (especially in hippie Victoria). If I could get all the treatments they need, they still wouldn't be neurotypical, but maybe I could find someone whom I could trust to look after them for a few hours.

Write your MP. Ask them to support Autism treatment under medicare. Because we need the help.

(p.s. What the hell is with the new compose thing in Blogger? AGAIN? Grrrrrrrr.)

United Church WIN!

2011-07-07T11:42:00.003-07:00

Okay, so pissed off as I am about the world right now, at least there's this. My chosen church, the United Church of Canada, has ordained a MtF minister. This is a picture of her (on the right) at in the trans march in Toronto.

(Photo was tweeted by @Christarchy and can be found here: http://twitpic.com/5mllzu Should you want it down from my site, @Christarchy, say the word. I just didn't want to hotlink your pic)

This is why I'm always saying "Not all Christians are homophobic!" We're not the exception. We're the largest Protestant denomination in Canada. We're just not as loud and angry as the ones you're used to hearing. I pray for those people.

Sick and tired. Literally and Figuratively.

2011-07-07T11:21:00.000-07:00

It's been over two weeks since I've managed to bang out a post. Unacceptable, Luna. Unacceptable.

I'm feeling really down about politics and feminism lately. And socialism is halfway into the ground. Autism is kicking our asses over here, and to top it all off, I have a cold.

The DSK case was the first big piss off. What the fuck is the New York Post doing, citing anonymous sources that the victim was a prostitute? Seriously. 1) Not relevant. Anyone can be raped. 2) At the time of the assault (alleged or otherwise), she was working as a chambermaid, not as a prostitute. 3) Isn't the Post usually a right-wing rag? Why are they protecting DSK? The implication is clear: Man > Woman. Or is it White man > Black Woman? What if the maid had been a white Republican woman? OH! WAIT! She'd still be poor, because otherwise, she wouldn't be working as a maid. So, she's still fucked.

And then it was Canada Day, and someone told me that if I wanted to "bash" Canada, I could gtfo. Door's over there, she said. Yeah, you know what? If I could swing it, I'd be on my way to Sweden, Norway, or Denmark in a flash. But I can't. Not with 3 disabled kids in tow and no grasp of the languages. So, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME if I bitch and complain about what this country could do better. Let's start with medical care for kids with Autism. Autism treatment is not covered by medicare. Why in hell not?

And then there was the Casey Anderson case. Oh. Your. God. That poor little Caylee. No, I'm not outraged about the verdict though. Because, 1) I wasn't there. I don't know what prosecution presented; 2) I'm not hellbent on getting revenge for crimes. Yes, I'd like to see the perpetrator go to jail and stay there forever. Murder a child and go straight to jail. Do not pass go. Certainly do not collect $200. But she wasn't convicted, so I"m not going to scream for revenge. And that's what this shit is. It's NOT a call for justice. There is no justice when a child is murdered. No matter what happens. And you know what else? It is disgusting to call for this woman's torture and cruel and unusual punishment when at the same time decrying the inhuman murder of a little kid. No. No one should be tortured. Ever. Not for anything.

And finally, Lush Limbaugh, that piece of shit, compared her murder to abortion. He went on about how liberals seem to care so much about this kid now, but if her mother had killed her three years earlier when she was in the womb, the mother would be a hero. UM... WTF? First of all, no one is a hero for an abortion. No one anywhere claims that. Lush doesn't care for facts though. Furthermore, he doesn't care for children. At least not once the umbilical cord is cut. He and his band of asshole Republicans have consistently voted against every single program intended to help children. So I'm thinking he's saying, "No one cares about kids, we certainly don't. So the liberals are just full of false outrage and need to STFU." And it makes me sick.

Speaking of sick, I have a cold. It started in my chest and moved up. I'm miserable. And I have no one to help me, which means I have to look after little kids while I'm sick. It's a serious pain. At least my husband works one of those cushy government jobs that allows him to take a bit of time off here and there, so he took the morning off yesterday so I could sleep.

And that's another thing. The consistent attempts to destroy the benefits of workers via union busting is INFURIATING. I am so sick of the teacher bashing. And I can't stand the vast majority of teachers. They're annoying, self-righteous, condescending know-it-alls. But I don't hate them for their salaries or benefits. Shit, they're underpaid for what they do. So I don't begrudge them their benefits, even though they piss me off on a personal level. (And this work-to-rule shit may seriously fuck up Snap if I can't get an IEP meeting in September - I'd rather they just went on strike).

So yeah, that's where my brain's been at for the last few weeks. Too sick and tired of it all to blog coherently. Maybe I'll just tell some cute stories about my kids for a few days. :(

And somehow, it still all comes back to politics

2011-06-20T16:12:00.000-07:00

Shoot me now. My inlaws just announced they're buying an RV so they'll have some place to stay when they come to visit*. And now they can stay longer. FML.

My inlaws are lovely people. Really they are. I'm sure of it. They're conservatards (but love programs like EI for the seasonal workers in their area), they're Catholic, and worst of all? They mean well.

People who mean well are the hardest for me to deal with because dammit, they mean well. It's really hard to lay down the Fist of Destruction on them. They want to come out for a month (!) to "help". They recognise that we're totally overwhelmed, and want to help. What they don't get is that it's MUCH harder when they're here, because Grandpa Grouch is a miserable SOB about 2/3 of the time, and the nicest guy on the planet the other 1/3. And we never know which to expect. I have to keep feeding him sugar to keep it in the happy zone. He doesn't like the food we eat, but won't go out to eat during our meals (we can't go out due to allergies and intolerances of various sorts). So he sulks or has a nap (by which I mean, he lies on the couch (3 of the 4 places to sit in the living room) and closes his eyes and pretends to sleep.) And then is grumpy. Last time he came, it took him 7 hours to say anything to me. I mean anything at all.

Neither of them will discuss autism or the kids' health problems, which are numerous. They say "mmm" and that's it, if we try to talk about it at all. This is a problem, because frankly, our lives revolve around their autism and other health problems. Crackle has to go over to Vancouver Children's to talk to the uber-specialist, i.e. the specialist here couldn't figure out wtf was going on and said this guy in Vancouver is the guy she turns to when she's stumped. So there are Issues. Hell, there are entire subscriptions. But we are not to talk about it. I don't know why. Because they will not talk about it. It's stunningly disrespectful.

And speaking of which, one of my sisters-in-law made a veiled comment about Münchhausen's by Proxy - she thinks we (I) am poisoning the kids to make them sick for attention. She is NOT welcome in my house.

They don't respect me or my parenting choices particularly much though, and that I do stomp out like a campfire in July. They're big believers in "a little won't hurt" and actively give my kids shit they're not allowed to have. Because it'll taste good! Give 'em a little! Just water the Pepsi down! It won't hurt. A little milk in my coffee won't hurt him! "Your Mommy is so mean!" Seriously? I just say, "I sure am. So mean that I won't let my kids get sick when I can prevent it. Terrible. I make them wash their hands after pooping too! Call the cops!"

So I'm dreading this. DREADING it, I tell you. Because I know they want to come help. I know they can't see how much of a PITA they are. And I know that telling them will hurt them much much much worse than it will hurt me to deal with them for a month. But I'm still going to bitch about it. :)

(Oh, and did I mention? We're not allowed to drink when they're here. No wine. I'm not even allowed to put it in the food. Even though he won't eat it anyway. I think I could handle it if I could just keep a nice buzz on through the evenings. You know, something to get me through the day! Yes, I'm kidding. Mostly.)

I've come to believe that people like my inlaws, the ones who won't talk about things, are avoiding the issues. They're in heavy duty denial mode, because they can't handle it. They're like the ones I mentioned in my ramblings about Hope. Everything will fall apart in the house of cards they've built around themselves if something like Autism happens. I don't know if this is true, but it's my current theory. Though they seem okay with their granddaughter who has CF... so I dunno. Anyway, it would certainly explain why they vote Conservative. :) No, really! Completely oblivious to the facts, wrapped up in their own little world, unable to see the big picture, no compassion for situations outside their own. Love thy neighbour literally means the people they can see from their yards.

Let's hope they change their minds.

*Seriously? You can get a lot of hotel rooms for the amount they'll drop on the RV they're looking at. A lot. With room service. And bathtubs.

Best thing I've read today - Virtual Vigilantism

2011-06-18T11:19:00.000-07:00

Go read this. Right now. http://scathinglywrongrightwingnutz.blogspot.com/2011/06/virtual-vigilantism-and-public-shaming.html

I knew there was a reason I was so uneasy about the police saying "send us your video". I couldn't put my finger on it. Fern Hill at DammitJanet nails it. It's virtual vigilatism. "Booya! Let's punish a drunken 18-year-old yob who posed in front of a broken window -- for the rest of his fucking life! That's the Canadian way. Isn't it?"

Politics as Usual

2011-06-17T20:32:00.000-07:00

I have just not been able to get worked up about politics lately. Honestly, the Con win really knocked the wind out of my sails. I feel like I just have to weather the storm until the fuckers get voted out in 4ish years.

But I'm still watching and shaking my head. The PM's own office breaking spending rules? That does ^NOT surprise me. I feel like I'm getting cynical. See, here's the thing. They're the assholes who screamed and hollered about Adscam, accountability, and cleaning up Ottawa. And now, they're just as bad as the Liberals ever were. It's disgusting. Not that I ever believed them in the first place...

The union busting tactics between Canada Post and the feds don't surprise me either. I know, it's shocking, but I support the union. The thing of it is that Canada Post runs a profit. It is not taxpayer supported. So there's no excuse to not pay decent wages and good pensions. None.

Oh, and CBC is liberal media. And my ass smells like roses. Could this article be any more slanted against the union? I mean, I know it's opinion, but it's anti-union. So it's not lefty. HELLO?!

In good news, Ed Broadbent has announced a left-wing think tank. Something to rival the Fraser Institute, I imagine. Shouldn't be hard to outthink that bunch. I wonder if they'll give me a job. :)

Oh, and since I'm a BCer, I have to say something about the rioting in Vancouver the other night. It would have happened regardless of the game outcome. It's simple: when you get over 100000 people in one place, about 1 in 1000 of them will be a total fucking asshole. The hockey was more or less irrelevant. To explain this, I drew this venn diagram.

Harper's Hockey Game

2011-06-09T21:48:00.000-07:00

Ya know, I'm pissed about Harper hopping a jet to go watch a hockey game. Right pissed. I mean, yeah, good, the guy should get some downtime. And I know he can't just hop on Air Canada. But you know what? The bad comes with the good. He gets the big bucks. He knows the rules of the job. So if he wants to jet off to watch a hockey game, by all means. But he should pay for every last cent of it. Not just the commercial equivalent. Hell no. Especially not when he's cutting jobs. Because that 70k that he spent on a hockey game is someone's salary for a year.

Happy Day I became someone else!

2011-06-03T09:27:00.000-07:00

Today is my wedding anniversary. MrFCS and I have been married for 16 years today. It's been a good ride. I hope it's long from over.

I was thinking about it in terms of 'that's the day I went from Miss X to Mrs Y', though honestly, I used Ms. before and since. And that got me thinking about name changing with marriage. I did it. I know, Bad Feminist! No cookie! It didn't even take much thinking. I guess the biggest reason was my previous name was rather unusual, at least in my neck of the woods, and I dealt with spelling it at everyone and getting misspellings and mispronunciations of it back at me. It drove me nuts. I was happy enough to ditch it for that reason alone. Now I have a nice easy, one syllable, commonly used word.

When I was a kid, that name got me teased. Kids riffed on it and bugged me about it. I hated that so much. I was a really sensitive kid and it was damn easy to make me cry. I hated that my name was something they could use against me. I got married when I was not quite 21, and these memories were still with me.

When I got married, I had just had a baby. It is really hard to have a different last name than your children. It was only a couple of months before we got married, and JEEEZ.

I briefly considered hyphenating my name. But I realized that it would sound like a place name and then I'd be Ms. North Haverbrook (Simpsons reference!*) and that would make me sound like a beauty queen. Um, no.

And despite all that, sometimes I regret it. When Dad was dying, it was incredible how quickly I reverted to using my old name when talking to doctors. Without thinking. And when he was gone, I wished I still had his name. And now my name is common enough that I know of two other people in the city with the same name. That never happened to me before. In fact, when I searched my old name on Facebook, mostly I found black, male football players from the US. And a jazz singer. That was pretty much it. I kind of miss having my unique name. Though I imagine that would disappear the first time I said it to someone and they looked at me like they were wondering if I was playing a joke on them or if they'd heard it wrong. Nope, that's not something I miss at all.

And from a feminist perspective, I find it almost a non-issue. I mean, yes, it's weird that the woman becomes part of the man's family, and not vice versa. But to me, it boiled down to having one man's name (Dad) or another's (MrFCS). Really, what difference did that make to me?

I've seen some great compromises. I know one family where the couple have their birth names, and their kids alternate which name they have. That's pretty nifty. I imagine it causes some confusion though. (So, he's her kid and the other one is his. Must be a blended family! Um... no.) The best one I saw, the couple decided on a new name together while preparing to get married. They considered hyphenations, blends (e.g. He's Mr. Breakfast, she's Ms. Lunch, they're Mr and Ms Brunch - I'm hungry, shut up), and eventually, just went with a word that was meaningful to them. I thought it was brilliant. Completely screwing with anyone trying to do geneology, but too bad! :)

*It is my deepest belief that there is an appropriate Simpsons reference for every single situation.

Food "fun"

2011-06-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

I have such a love/hate relationship with food. We both love it and hate me. Okay, that's not quite true. I don't hate me. Usually. But I'm starting to really hate food because it is such a pain in my ass, both literally and figuratively. I have a host of food intolerances, as do my husband and kids. So cooking supper is a royal pain.

Snap: intolerant* of gluten and dairy
HATES fruit. I mean, will not eat a piece of fruit for $50 and unlimited computer access. She will not even touch it, never mind eat it. This extends to fruit flavoured candy, pop, whatever. Will happily eat a salad as long as there are no mushrooms or celery in it. Noodles are the best thing ever. Except mashed potatoes or plain white rice. The girl is addicted to carbs.

Crackle: intolerant of gluten, dairy, soy, corn,and nuts
Oh my. Where to even begin with this boy? He will eat anything on the promise that he will get some chips after. Or Daiya cheese substitute (he's allergic to bloody everything). Favourites (i.e. things that don't require the promise of chips) include salmon, iceberg lettuce, any fruit, carrots, celery, cauliflower. The only thing he absolutely will not eat is mushrooms. Oh, and sweet potatoes or squash. He will not eat noodles of any sort. Hell if I know why not.

Pop: intolerant of gluten, soy, and eggs. Dairy unknown, but we don't eat that. I mean, ew... it's the breast milk of another mammal. ew. fucking ew.
He will eat almost anything, but it must must must be on the blue plate or bowl. He has about 100 words and they include quinoa (keeee - ya! [ki:ya]**) and broccoli (bwa-dee! [bwadi]), which are his two favourite things ever. He begs me for chickpeas. He'll eat any meat, fish, vegetable (except squash) or fruit. He's my favourite. :) He will not eat noodles of any sort. Hell if I know why not.

* Intolerances in our house range from "well, that makes me feel shitty - literally and figuratively" to "OMG! I'm bleeding from my ass!" to "OMFG, I am a hummingbird meth-head and I'm bleeding from my ass"
** I'm a trained linguist. I am unable to pass up using proper IPA in situations like this.

Weiner jokes

2011-06-02T15:53:00.000-07:00

I do not care if Anthony Weiner sent a picture of his cock to anyone. I. Just. Don't. Care. What? You mean it's covered with underwear and could be anyone's? I truly could not care any less than I do right now. Because I just don't care. At all.

And for the love of all things feminist and holy, could everyone PLEASE stop referring to the woman as a "co-ed"?! She's a college student. Women have been allowed in universities for a long time now. We can stop calling them co-eds any flippin' time now.

Look. That picture was so tame they can show it on Comedy Central without blurring. That pic was so tame I didn't even know what it was at first. (I don't usually look at them from that angle). This is a screaming outrage, why?

Homeschooling

2011-06-02T11:34:00.000-07:00

Homeschooling is such a hotbutton issue. There seem to be a few camps - the anti-establishment hippie types, the right-wing christianazis who believe the earth is 6000 years old, the combination of the previous two (they terrify me), the school sucks and my kid is getting bullied types.

The camp I'm most familiar with are the hippie types. These tend to be "unschoolers" and I have to say I often find them remarkably sanctimonious. Their way is the best, and you're stupid if you don't know it. Any questions about Distance Learning will be met with, at best, not so subtle commentary about how unschooling is better. At worst, outright derision.

In a homelearning email group I'm currently stalking, with regard to an article about unschooling, one person said this:

I found it interesting that one of Ricci's kids was allowed to CHOOSE to go
to school. At 7.
In conversations like that, I often wonder if their kids are allowed to
choose to smoke, or try heroin. Why not? It's their choice.

Seriously?! And these people wonder why no one takes them seriously. Smoking and heroin is so totally the same as going to school.

And it's all sorts of hypocritical too. I mean, one of the reasons they tout for unschooling is that the child doesn't lose autonomy. But this mother says that the child shouldn't be given the right to choose school. How's that autonomy working for you?

I've decided to do distance learning with Crackle next year. There are a few advantages to this and very few disadvantages. On the advantages side, we have
1) I can keep him safe. The schools pretty much told me they wouldn't. They said that kids eat in the classroom, that's all there is to it. Crackle's celiac disease is so severe that if other kids eat in the classroom, play with a toy and then he plays with the same toy, he gets sick. Because he puts everything in his mouth. Everything. He licks counters at grocery stores and then I have to give him charcoal to absorb the gluten residue.
Also, with regard to safety, they are being all reluctant to give him a full time assistant. Crackle is a hummingbird. On meth. He doesn't stop. He doesn't listen. He can't even respond to his name. In a playground, I have to keep my eyes on him at every second to make sure he doesn't just leave. Or strip naked. Or pee down the slide. Or shit in the sandbox. Or push someone out of the way because he doesn't know that will hurt them, he just wants them out of his way. In a classroom? He'd be into all the cupboards, other kids' desks, all the toys. And then he'd just leave. But he's sneaky. He'd wait until the teacher wasn't looking and then go quietly. I've seen him do it. When I keep telling him "no, you can't play with the barbecue" he waits until I go to the bathroom, then he closes the door so I won't hear, and then he goes and plays with the barbecue. (I've got it very child-proofed, but even so. Maybe today will be the day he gets past the proofing). The school board: "Oh, we'll have to get him an assistant for recesses and lunch". Huh? So I explained the issues, and the looked at me like I was stupid and just a very bad mother indeed, and then went to observe him with his Behaviour Interventionist (I know... stupidest title ever). Of course, he was nice and good then - and he would be with new people around. He likes new people. So they asked her, "How long can he be left to his own devices in a classroom?" Our completely awesome BI said, "Something he likes? 4 minutes or so. Something he hates? 3 seconds. Max." Hahahaha. Their reaction was apparently skepticism. That was enough for me to say, "Nope. Not doing it." They'd lose him for sure. And there are a lot of woods around here.

2) Money allocation. Because we're doing distance ed with an accredited school, they can apply for the disability money that would otherwise go to his school. Then they can let me use the vast majority of it however I see fit, as long as it is going toward his educational goals. So, I set up an IEP with their special ed teacher and then I use the money to hire someone to deliver the program using the ABA principles he's become used to. A pure homeschool situation would not give us that money. And we cannot afford an ABA program on our own. In fact, this won't cover it even close. I may be putting up a paypal link to ask for help paying for his program. :(

3) It's ministry accountable. It's not me fumbling around hoping I'm doing the right thing. :)

On the disadvantages side:

1) No break from him. I know that sounds awful. But you don't live with my kids. I love them to pieces. But Crackle requires me to be on guard at all times. I mean, I keep a constant ear out for him well beyond what is normal. Every little sound sends me running. The dog dish clinks? RUN. The toilet flushes? RUN. A chair moves? RUN. I was kind of looking forward to a sanity break.

2) He likes being in new places and being around new people. He'd really like school. At least, he would if they could keep him from being bullied. Which I can't see. His vocal stim is really hard to take. So I'm going to try to get him some swimming lessons. He's also in a social group on Wed mornings, and we'll just have to take some more of those types of programs.

So it's pretty clear that I'm doing what's right for my kid, I think. I think that DL is great. I think that unschooling can be great, but definitely won't work for all kids (ever meet a kid who isn't curious about anything? I have one. Snap is uninterested in everything. She has never ever had an ounce of curiosity. It's painful). What worries me about it is that it doesn't guarantee a child will get a decent education, and I think all children have that right. I'm not sure how to go about changing that. Fortunately, no one elected me God this week.

Students' education is only as good as their teachers are. I haven't forgotten that people teach themselves either. :) God knows I did!

Language Matters: That's so retarded!

2011-05-24T14:41:00.000-07:00

It is not acceptable to use the word "retarded" in a derogatory manner. It does not mean "foolish" or "stupid". It is hurtful, rude, and just plain assholish to use this word. It is even more assholish to try to defend it. So just don't. It won't fly.

It doesn't matter if you "don't mean it that way", any more than it matters that your best friend is gay when you call someone a fag. It doesn't matter if you have nothing against the disabled, any more than it matters that you're really not a racist when you joke about how cheap Jews are. It doesn't matter. What you're saying is hurtful. And never acceptable.

And you know what else? If you hear someone say it, or read someone who uses it? CALL THEM ON IT, every bit as much as if they said 'he's such a nigger' or 'she's such a cunt' or 'what a fag!'. Those words hurt. And so does "retard".

So just stop.

Autistic cats? Or feline people?

2011-05-23T11:18:00.000-07:00

The more I learn about Autism, the more I'm convinced that all cats are autistic. (Or all people with autism are secretly cats.) The similarities are astounding. And if you're in the right mood, hilarious.

1) Cats and PwA (people with autism) both like affection. Sometimes. On their own time and schedule. Surprise hugs will usually result in tears. Yours.

2) Cats and PwA tend not to like vacuum cleaners. It's best to have them leave the room before turning one on. Surprising them by turning on the vacuum will usually result in their screams. And then tears. Yours.

3) Neither cats, nor PwA, appear to be listening to anything you say. Mention treats offhandedly, and you may discover that both hear quite well.

4) Both find doctors' visits traumatic. These usually end in tears. Yours.

5) Come between at a cat or PwA and his favourite toy at your own risk.

6) Just try to feed your cat or PwA something they don't like eating. I dare you. This will almost certainly end with your tears.

7) Transitioning your PwA or cat to a new activity requires planning and something new to distract them with. Forget this at your own peril. However, if you are prepared, they will either hate your new toy, or have absolutely no trouble transitioning at all, making you feel ridiculous for worrying.

8) Cats and PwA prefer to sleep when it is inconvenient for you. The middle of the night is a good time to play. Ignore them at your own peril.

9) Baths will either be appreciated as the best activity ever or considered torture worthy of UN protection. There is no in between.

10) Do not expect consistency. Just when you think you have them figured out, they will confound you again. Any statement starting with, "But I thought you..." will be secretly mocked.

Did I miss any?

I hope Telus is right and the future is friendly...

2011-05-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

Spooky. I got a notice on my door on Tuesday that DHL had attempted a delivery. It was marked only with the date and an X in the box "please contact us to schedule another attempt".

There are two problems here:
1) I am not expecting a package.
2) The date is 11/16/11. Um, I'm really not expecting a package from 6 months in the future.

So I went on the DHL website and rescheduled it for Thursday. Nothing. Friday 3pm rolls around. Nothing. So I phoned them. They have no record of my address or the Delivery Notice Number.

I feel like I'm in the first scene of a sci-fi movie.

Playgrounds and the Mommy Brigade

2011-05-17T14:40:00.000-07:00

You know, I'm starting to think that insecurity is the cause of a good chunk of problems in the world. Or at least in the 1st world. The Mommy Brigade seems to be a huge ball of insecurity that just rolls over people, adding them to the ball. I try to duck and cover.

This morning, I had Crackle to the playground while Pop was at his play therapy group. I was once again struck by the snooty parents. When did adults stop talking to each other and start just sizing each other up? Or is a local thing? First, there's the check out look. You know, the look up, look down, look up again, sneer. First they do that to you, then to your kid. And then they watch, for the slightest violation of the rules of the playground. The unwritten rules, that is. The written rules can be violated at will. For example, there are two structures at that playground. One is labelled for kids 5-12. The other, for kids 2-12. Crackle was on the bigger one, and he passed by a little guy of about 18 months. He sorta winged him with his arm. The toddler didn't budge, didn't seem to even notice. But his mom's head snapped my way to see if I was going to say anything to Crackle. I didn't, and she gave me the disapproval look - pursed lips, impatient sigh and then shook her head at me. WTF?

It's really hard not to be a bit of a misogynist when these are the only women one meets in a day. But then there are the dads. And they make me realize that it's not just women. Parents, in general, suck. FFS. If I speak to you because we're standing there together awkwardly, and I say, "Sure is nice to have a warm day, finally, isn't it?" the correct answer is "Yeah, it is. I like getting out to the park". The incorrect answer is "I have a wife". I like to reply, "So do I. What's your point?" I don't, obviously, but it tends to throw them for a bit of a loop.

And for crying out loud, if you're teaching your kids to share, and take turns, and all those other good socialist things, try to model it. If you're reading a book with your kids and another kid comes by to check it out, it would not kill you to turn the book so the other child can look too. Shooting his mother a dirty look for allowing her child to intrude on your teaching moment will earn you a snort of derision and little more. (And seriously? A book at the playground? A book about the dangers of strangers? Okay... go to it. Yeah, I can judge too, but at least I wasn't an asshole to her or her kids).

And people wonder why I don't like to take the kids to the park.

Comments?

2011-05-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

At least one of my regular readers is having trouble commenting. The blog eats the comments. I never see them in moderation. They're just gone. Anyone else having trouble? Email me if you are. It's selenie at that google email (TRY TO GET THAT ONE, SPAMMERS!). I haven't declined a comment in at least a year.

Religious education in public schools

2011-05-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

There's a fight brewing in Quebec about religious education in the schools. I think it's utterly ridiculous.

The gist, if you're not inclined to click the link, is that there is a new religious education course mandatory for all students in both elementary and high school in Quebec - both public and private schools. Its curriculum includes all major world religions, but it about 90% Christian oriented.

The religious opponents are grumbling that they're not allowed to indoctrinate their kids in school any more with the idea that their religion is right and all the others are wrong. The secular opponents are grumbling that they don't want their kids learning about religion at all.

The two have something in common: they want to keep their kids ignorant. How scared must they be of their children not having the same belief system they have that they would keep their children ignorant of the beliefs of the people around them. Knowledge is never a bad thing, unless you're scared of power it gives. How horrible to be scared that your child might choose to be a Muslim or Christian or anything different from you! It really points to how insecure people are about their beliefs.

Snap is agnostic. She thinks this religion stuff is a load of crap, but she's not quite arrogant enough to flatly state that there is no God. This bothers me just because I feel like she's missing out on the relationship with the divine that she could be having. However, she's 16 and needs to go through this to get a firm belief. I hope it comes.

Now, if she comes out the other side of it and decides she is called to follow the path of the Baha'i faith, I'll be fine with that. I'm pretty much okay with all religions. I figure the path to God is pretty huge and looks different from wherever on it one might be. I also figure that if I ask 20 people who know me well to describe me, I'll get 20 different and contradictory answers. So why would I expect everyone to describe God exactly the same way?

Femininity = maternal?

2011-05-16T11:09:00.000-07:00

A number of years ago, a colleague told me that I was the most feminine woman he had ever met. I took that with amusement, confusion, and a little bit of offense. I asked him what made him think that, and he just smiled and walked away. He was weird, no question. (He once told me that the Jews were right to prohibit men from having sex with women during their menses. Not because it was dirty, but because women hold too much power during that time of the month. o.O)

I've wondered off and on what made him think that, and also what made him actually say it. And it always comes back to what is femininity? If it's being quiet and demure, that's not me. (Anyone who knows me in real life can stop laughing now. This means you, Erin). No one could think that. If it's wearing pink dresses, again, I fail. I'm a jeans and t-shirts with a plaid flannel over top. I regularly wear comfy sandals. I abhor makeup, and perfume is of the devil. I mean, I could easily be mistaken for a lesbian if we're going to play the stereotypes game. So I'm assuming it wasn't my appearance. So what the hell?

I think now that he was talking about how maternal I am. I am a Mom. I have been a Mom since I was 2 and was given dolls to play with. They were NEVER my friends. I was always the mom. I took care of them like they were my babies, and if my brother ever got hold of them, I pounded him. I fretted while my teddy bear was in the washing machine. When my friends and I played house, I played the mommy, every time. I hated being the baby. I didn't know what to do.

Now I have three kids of my own, and I am fiercely protective of them. I try terribly to let them make mistakes and learn from them, but it's different with autism. Learning from one's mistakes doesn't really work for them. Crackle has fallen off the coffee table more times than I can count. One would think he'd learn not to climb up there, but no.

And also, it's dreadfully easy to take advantage of or abuse a kid with autism. So I'm vigilant. I'm keeping Crackle out of Kindergarten and putting him in a Distributed Learning course (it's responsible to the Ministry of Education, lest you think I'm a crazy homeschooler with no curriculum plan, teaching about how God makes the tide come in every day). The school board pretty much admitted they couldn't keep him safe in a classroom full of gluten (He has Celiac Disease and a wheat allergy), so he's staying home with me. Which, frankly, sucks. I love my kids, but I could use a break for a few hours a day. My house might stop looking like a hurricane ran through it. And I might relax a tad.

And you know, it's not just my kids. There's a young man of 21 who is terribly sick. He's had a number of health problems growing up, his Mom died when he was fairly young, and his dad is an asshole of EPIC proportions. I mean, think of the biggest SOB you know and then give him the arrogance of a doctor. That's his Dad. This boy, and he really is a boy, is sick. I mean, he just got out of ICU where they had him in a coma. He weighs about 65 lbs. They sent him home because they didn't want him to get an infection, and hey, his dad is a doctor. Except that his father left him alone and fucked off to Las Vegas for over a week. I am shaking with rage about this. And I have never met the boy. A dear friend of mine is looking after him (his dad is her ex-somethingorother) because he texted and asked for company. I'm dying to help. I want to get him out of there. I want to bring him here and just mother him. Heal him, feed him, fatten him up.

So if my former colleague meant that I was the most maternal woman he ever met, I'll take that as a compliment. I like being a Mom.

Fuck You Friday

2011-05-06T10:48:00.000-07:00

WARNING: I'm pissed off. My language will be saltier than usual. I do not intend to be particularly fair or nice. Deal with it or go away.

Today's Fuck You (tm) is going to the Neurodiversity crowd. The gist of this bullshit is that Autism is simply a natural difference in one's brain, and should be celebrated, not cured. "Autism is a gift". Yeah, and a shit sandwich is lunch. Listen, I get it, you're a happy camper with your excellent memory. You have no use for social norms and niceties. Fine. I'm ever so happy for you. But I have a kid who is five and can't talk, sign or otherwise communicate his basic needs. He can't go to the bathroom himself. He can't go to school because they won't be able to keep him safe (he wanders). My daughter is almost crippled by anxiety - she terribly wants this to go away. That is not a gift. It is not a gift when Pop refuses to eat because I haven't figured out that he wants a different bowl - he'd rather go hungry. He's a little guy and gets anemic. It is not a gift that he'd starve to death rather than eat off the white plate.

And you know what? My kids aren't nearly as badly affected as some others. My kids are doing okay. Snap will graduate from high school and probably get some sort of post-secondary education. Crackle's receptive language is pretty good all things considered (I asked him to put away the milk into the fridge for me today. He did it. I just about fell over from surprise). Pop is rocking his ABA therapy - he's learning words and signs and letters. It could be so much worse. I'm not cleaning shit smears off my walls. I'm not taking my kids to the hospital for the injuries they've caused themselves. Snap is a little bit self-injurious, but nothing I have to worry about. Only Pop is in diapers, and that's normal for his age.

I see this as somewhat analogous to the cochlear implant controversy. If you're happy being Deaf, and can manage just fine with sign language, lip reading or interpreters, great. I'm genuinely happy for you. But if you're going to scream that *other* people shouldn't have them either, you can join the Neurodiversity crowd in my Friday Fuck You. Especially if you're saying it to people without sight or hands. If you've got high-functioning Autism or Asperger Syndrome (but don't call it a syndrome!) and you can get by just fine without being able to read facial expressions or whatever your particular issues are, good for you. But STFU, because there are plenty of people who would really like a cure for themselves, and your constant "It's just a happy opportunity for butterflies and rainbows" crap isn't helping. Legislators are saying that it's not a disability and that they won't cover therapy for it because they keep hearing this shit. SHUT. UP. If they find a cure, I promise no one will make you take it.

Is Cancer just cellular diversity? Oh, but Cancer will kill you! Yeah, so will Autism if you wander off in the woods and are unable to respond to your name. So will Autism if you're unable to understand the inherent danger in a shallow lagoon. So will Autism if you wander into traffic.

So have a great big bowl of Fuck You Flakes and just be quiet and happy with how you are and stop trying to stop the rest of us from trying to get help for our kids.

The bright moment from last night

2011-05-03T13:22:00.000-07:00

I was pretty inconsolable last night. It pains me to think that the majority of eligible voters either don't give a shit or voted for what I consider to be active evil. So I didn't expect a big smile, but Mr. FCS called me from upstairs last night and said, "Come quick! And bring the camera." This is why:

They're both sound asleep. They were on opposite sides of the bed when I left the room. The book beside Crackle is a Company's Coming Cookies cookbook. He looks at the pictures and falls asleep holding that book quite often.

Christian Voting

2011-05-01T19:43:00.000-07:00

The minister at my church today, a guest speaker, said, "Some people will say that politics and religion don't mix. Hogwash. If that's true, there's something seriously anemic about our faith, or something seriously suspect about our politics. Vote for the candidate or party who can do the most for your neighbour. Jesus told us to love our neighbour as ourselves. So think about your neighbour when you vote." He stopped there and let us decide who cared about our neighbours most.

I'm thinking about all the parents of kids with autism, all the parents who have jobs and need childcare, the people we're shipping asbestos to, the poor, the imprisoned, the people who just want to smoke pot in peace, and so so so many other people. The Conservatives don't have your back. They don't have your neighbours' backs. They care about their own power and nothing else. Please, vote for the party that will help out the most people.

DrDawg discovered something that utterly infuriated me today. A Con cabinet minister, one James Moore, says that people with Autism aren't disabled. They're a special interest group, and therefore the government will not allow them to have EIBI covered by medicare.

That. Ignorant. Fucking. Bastard.

Yeah, I know there are some lucky high-functioning people with Autism who are happy to be who they are with the abilities they have. That's nice for them. But for many others, autism is a big disability. Crackle has a vocal stim he can't control. He can't go to the bathroom by himself. He's a danger to himself. He can't talk at all. Moore's going to tell me he doesn't have a disability? Please. Snap is so affected by the anxiety that comes with her autism that she had to hold my hand to make a phone call until she was 14. She still doesn't like to make calls. She has trouble in school. She has trouble making and keeping friends. She can't make eye contact. She's undergoing extensive therapy to help her get ready to be able to hold a job. This isn't a disability? Puhleeze.

Moore and his ilk don't care about my kids. They don't care about your kids. They don't care about you. They don't care about your neighbours. They care about power and nothing else.

What works for me

2011-04-28T18:18:00.000-07:00

I ran into a new (to me) blog today, and I'm totally in love. Stark Raving Mad Mommy is genius. I love the wit, the stories, the love. All of it. Anyway, I was reading this brilliant post about doing what works for you and I had a rather large lolsob at the line "You have a cabinet full of nutritional supplements?" because you ought to see the impressive collection of nutritional supplements (and one massive jar of peanut butter - in the medicine cabinet because it can be locked away from little hands that like to dip, lick, and smear.

Here's what it's like in that basket:

Now, remember, my husband does not believe in keeping anything we don't use, so if it's there, one or more of us takes it.

So, that's why my house is shabby enough that people who visit think we're poor. :)

You're disgusting - here's a present

2011-04-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Corporate Shills,
Thank you ever so much for the free samples of Go 4 Trim weight-loss product. I really appreciate the reminder that no matter how thin one might be, it's always good to be thinner. I so much appreciate the thought that I am truly disgusting in the eyes of society and should fill my body full of toxic products in order to get rid of large chunks of my disgusting self. It's really wonderful that you instill that sense of 'never good enough' into a person so that companies can continue to make money off our insecurity. I've never bought a weight loss product from you, so I'm sure that's how you knew I needed one. I'll be sure to buy LOTS more products from you, now that I know you have only my best interests at heart.
Me.

Seriously pissed off. What if someone with an eating disorder had opened that box? Hell, it triggered me to be ragey and upset. What would it do to someone with a history of seriously disordered eating? (My eating is only minorly disordered)

Random update

2011-04-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

Bad blogger! So much going on and so little blogging happening.

I've been watching the election like I'm sitting on a roller coaster. I get all excited when I see Ekos projecting 100 NDP seats but then I watch CBC and they give a ton of time to some asshole economist who goes on about how the NDP would ruin the economy. The CBC isn't liberal. It's Liberal. Considerable difference.

I'm watching Stevil tell us wimmens that we're just uninformed if we don't vote for him. Paternalistic asshole.

I celebrated Easter with my family and my church. That was lovely. The kids behaved at church, making it seem to everyone that I exaggerate their issues, I'm sure! :) Easter means hope, rebirth, and the belief that life doesn't end when our bodies do. It's also something of the notion that ideas don't die. They could kill the messenger, but the message lives on. In the midst of a contentious election, and inlaws who insist on voting for Conservatives, it was a message I needed.

On the way home, I listened to some marvelous new music from a band so new and indie that I can't even find quality You Tube videos of it. They're called West My Friend, and they're fabulous. Go listen.

And being true to my hippie vegan westcoast self (even though I grew up omnivorous in the prairies!) I got myself a community garden plot. Actually, I got two. Beautifully serendipitous. My husband picked up a piece of litter, because he's good about that, and it was a flyer for a free community garden plot. He gave it to me, and I called immediately. Got not only a plot, but I got it for free. It is completely organic and includes access to water, tools, PLANTS, SEEDS, and best of all, it's right next door to my house. If it weren't for the pesky fence between my complex and theirs, it'd be 30m from my door. Completely awesome. So when I went to have a tour of it, she told me they have an extra plot and do I want another? YES! Score! Everyone local is getting fresh veggies this summer. As long as I don't screw it up, that is! :)

Passover brownies

2011-04-18T12:35:00.000-07:00

For my Jewish friends celebrating passover, and my Celiac friends celebrating chocolate, I give you:
PASSOVER BROWNIES!

3/4 C unsalted butter, softened (margarine works if you're dairy intolerant)
3/4 C sugar
5 eggs, separated
6 oz. bittersweet chocolate
6 oz. almonds, finely ground
pinch of salt

Pre-heat oven to 350°F. Cream butter and sugar together. Mix in egg yolks. Set aside.
Melt chocolate in double boiler. Cool, then mix into butter mixture. Mix in finely ground almonds.
Beat egg whites until stiff but not dry, then fold into batter. Pour mixture into 9" square greased baking pan. Bake for 45 min. Cool and cut into squares. Try not to eat all of them in one sitting because they're even better on day two.

I haven't had one in years because I don't eat eggs anymore (Stinkin' little Pop and his allergies! As soon as that boy is weaned, I am having the biggest plate of scrambled eggs EVER), but I figured I'd share what used to be my joy. :)

Thimerosal study coordinator indicted for fraud

2011-04-18T10:20:00.000-07:00

Thimerosal is safe in vaccines, right? Right? I mean, the CDC says so. UH OH! An excerpt:

Poul Thorsen, the principal coordinator of multiple studies funded by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) used to deny a vaccine/autism link was indicted on April 13th on 13 counts of fraud and 9 counts of money-laundering. The charges relate to funding for work he conducted for the CDC, which claimed to disprove associations between the mercury-based vaccine preservative, thimerosal, and increased rates of autism.

So why isn't this getting even a 10th of the play that Wakefield and his sketchiness got? Oh, right. This could cost the pharmaceutical industry a shitload of money. This could challenge the medical establishment.

Could we please just have an independent study or two?

In Canada, thimerosal is still used in HepB shots for babies. It's also in flu shots. I am utterly livid. When I had my Crackle immunized at 2 months, they gave him the HepB shot. I specifically asked if there was thimerosal in it, as it was an issue, even then. No, they told me, it's not. And now, looking up my facts for this post, I find out that it is. The nurse flat out lied to me. I am sickened. Edit: there are two series of hepB shots in BC. The infant series does not use thimerosal. The Gr6 booster does.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think vaccines cause autism in otherwise healthy kids. But I do think they contribute to underlying genetic dispositions to it. For example, if a kid has a genetic disposition to autism, he or she is going to have some symptoms of autism. A screwy immune system is a very very common symptom. So, add in a vaccine into a child with a wonky immune system and expect it to work properly, and you are going to be in for a surprise. That quirky kid may now be spinning, head-banging, and forgetting how to talk.

Aluminum also needs an independent study. People with autism are often unable to process metal in the same way as healthy people. Their bodies simply don't detoxify properly, meaning that that "harmless" little bit of mercury or aluminum can do significant harm to a person with autism. Especially one with an immature immune system.

My kingdom for an independent study.

Evil is as evil does

2011-04-07T14:34:00.000-07:00

Today, in a lame attempt at a joke, I posted this to twitter (a modified retweet of something from @RogerEbert)

"Cambridge U psychopathologist says a lack of empathy is the root of all evil." So Conservatives ARE the devil. Gotcha.

Someone replied:

"if you believe in God, Jesus logical you must believe in evil, Evil does not play by any rules, and must to be fought."

Hmm. I'm not sure that I do believe in evil. It's a very tricky concept for me to wrap my head around. I certainly don't believe in a deity of evil like "Satan" or whatever. My thoughts, at this point in my spiritual path, are more like a belief in evil being the absence of good. Turning away from what is good and right to act in one's own self interest. Hurting people intentionally because it might be fun is evil. It truly does stem from a lack of empathy.

Jesus said to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the debts of the indebted. He said to be nice to everyone, not just those people with whom you agree. He prevented the murder of a woman for prostitution/adultery. He healed people. He was the embodiment of what is good. It's why I get so bloody mad when I see people claiming to follow his path being so callous.

And it's why I cracked the joke about the Conservatives. It was only half a joke, really, because it does seem to me that they have little to no empathy for anyone. Poor people, abuse victims, crime victims, none of them matter a good goddamn to those people. They don't even attempt to pay lip service to the problem (as the Liberals do). It's just plain evil to cut programs for abuse victims while spending money on unnecessary wars. It's evil to lock people up for growing the wrong plants. I could go on.

So, there ya are. My noodling for the day.

In the latest edition of 'fuck the poor'...

2011-04-07T09:05:00.000-07:00

The Prince is getting married. Weeeeee.

Royal wedding to be shown on giant screens - World - CBC News: "Prince William and Kate Middleton's nuptials will be broadcast live on giant screens set up in central London, complete with food and drinks stands and a Ferris wheel to add to a celebratory atmosphere, officials said Thursday."

And all I think is "If they had a modest wedding and kept the free food and drink stands open for a few months instead, THEN I'd be impressed. Share the wealth".

Seriously. People live on the streets. Feed them instead of blowing millions on a party. Or, you know, both would be okay too.

Child killer wants out of mental hospital. After 2 years.

2011-04-05T15:52:00.000-07:00

Convicted child killer wants out. Already. Not just no, but HELL NO!

Look, I'm as liberal as they get. I'm a lefty, pinko whackjob. I know this. I revel in it. I believe in mercy, compassion, and forgiveness. For everyone. I also believe in justice and keeping people safe. Schoenborn killed three innocent children. He should not ever see freedom. Not because I want him punished. But because he has proven that he cannot be trusted. If he's healthy now, let him work in a supervised environment in the mental hospital where he lives. But do not allow him to ever be unsupervised ever again. That's my line. You kill someone, you don't get to be unsupervised ever again.

Twitter is funny

2011-04-02T15:16:00.000-07:00

Look what Twitter suggests I also add to my Twitter feed when I added Stevil's feed:

Autism Awareness Day

2011-04-02T13:29:00.000-07:00

April 2 is World Autism Awareness Day. Senator Jim Munson wrote a fantastic article for the Ottawa Citizen. Go read. Then come back. I'll wait.

Several things struck a chord with me in his letter so I'm going to go through it:

We have all witnessed the scene. The shrill cries of a young child at the mall. Arms and legs flailing. The mother, powerless against her child's fervour.
An intense scene like this triggers all sorts of responses in onlookers -from amusement to sharp judgment: "That woman can't control her own child!"
I wonder how many of us might wonder: "Could that child be autistic?" A temper tantrum is only one of a collection of symptoms of autism.

Oh hell yeah. Amusement to judgement. Sometimes both in quick succession. ACT BC puts out cards that one can hand out to people in public when the child is acting up. Really? What is wrong with people that this is even necessary? 1 in 110 kids is diagnosed with Autism now. It really is that common. I've even heard the judgments from my friends - not against me, but other mothers. Comments like "What's the matter with parents these days?! That kid is screaming and she's doing nothing!" Yes. Because that's what is often the best plan of attack. Do and say nothing, and it continues as is. Try to stop it and it becomes a full-fledged meltdown that doesn't stop for hours. Another one: "That kid is just a brat! He's not autistic!" Right. Because you've got a PhD in Developmental Psychology, right? You know, just by looking, that a kid doesn't have it? If you really think you can dx a child with or without Autism, just by looking, while the kid is acting up, you are truly ignorant. It cannot be done. Also, if a kid is bolting through a parking lot, do the parent a favour and stop the kid. Please. Don't look at the parent with disgust and watch the kid run into traffic. Don't tsk tsk. Don't laugh as the parent runs by, frantically trying to stop a child. Help. And I do not give a flying fuck if you get shit for this the odd time. You do it anyway.

Autistic children and their families need our compassion -and this begins with awareness. Today is World Autism Awareness Day, a United Nations resolution in honour of people affected by autism.

Okay. Agreed. But can we please stop referring to people with Autism as autistic? Unless we're going to start calling kids with Cancer "cancerous kids" or kids with Cystic Fibrosis "cystic fibrotic kids", I don't want to see it.

How we deal with this crisis today will affect the fate of these children once their parents can no longer care for them. Not that long ago, people were hidden away in institutions, marginalized from society. If we don't begin planning housing and care options for autistic adults, who's to say we won't see the return of such measures?"

Yes. This is a big worry. The more kids are diagnosed, the more this becomes an issue. But even more than this is the problem of children not getting intervention at an early age. Study after study has shown that the earlier, more intensive intervention a child with Autism gets, the better chance s/he has at becoming a productive member of society. And yet, there is not one government in Canada who provides a proper ABA program for all kids on the spectrum. Not one. BC's program is arguably best, because at least every parent gets the funding to find some sort of treatment. In most parts of the country, the province provides an ABA or EIBI program, but only for a handful of kids. If you're on the waitlist, you get no treatment at all unless you're wealthy enough to buy it yourself. And waitlists can be years long. I know it's expensive. But pay now or pay more later (pdf). And remember that compassion. Paying later means that kids who could have lead an independent life with proper intervention now cannot.

In the absence of strong federal commitment, autism organizations at the local, provincial and national levels are carrying the weight.

Oh my yes. And they don't have the resources to manage that. VSCA (Victoria Society for Children with Autism - notice they didn't go with VSAC) is one such organization. They do great work, giving out respite money to parents, providing a lending library, a listing of available interventionists, and organizing the Autism Awareness walk. They were hamstrung by the Gordon Campbell cut off of the lottery funds. That and donations are what they survive on.

Two recommendations from the report that I consider most crucial are national standards for treatment and research, and a national strategy for equal treatment and services across the country. Courageous actions are now needed to deal with this emerging crisis.

That just seems like such a pipe dream to me. The Harper Government (TM) clearly doesn't give a rat's ass about anyone, never mind sick kids. And they are sick. I am tired of hearing about how people with Autism are "different" and we should respect their differences. Puhleeze. Okay, if someone with Asperger Syndrome is happy and healthy and functioning well, then no, let's not try to "fix" them. But if a child is affected by Autism in a way that makes it impossible for him (or her) to play, have fun, learn to talk, learn to eat, learn to cope with the day to day, well then HELL YEAH, I want to have access to services to help him.

And let's fund biomedical treatment too. Because much of Autism is biological, and can be treated with supplements and medications. Not cured. Not as the only intervention. But DAN! doctors are fabulous, and have done wonders for all three of my kids. And, for that matter, me and my husband. Our is a Naturopathic Doctor, though some are MDs or DOs. We pay for the medical treatment out of our pocket. When we told her, our pediatrician said, "It's Autism. There's nothing I can do for you. You might as well try." So the medical establishment has nothing for us. But make no mistake, this is a medical issue. And our government is letting us down. Autism treatment isn't even considered a health issue by the BC government. It's handled by the Ministry of Children and Families.

So next time you see an overwhelmed parent in a grocery store with a kid who is freaking out, smile and say, "Some days are rougher than others, eh?" Or if she's dragging the kid toward the cashier and is overloaded with groceries, maybe ask, "Can I carry those for you? You seem a bit overwhelmed." Sure, maybe the kid is just a brat, and the parent sucks at parenting. It happens. But it's far more likely that the parent is doing his or her damnedest. And it's at least even odds that that kid is somewhere on the Autism spectrum or has some other developmental disorder. Don't be a judgmental jerk. If you see a parent with a child on a harness (i.e. leash), assume that the child has a habit of bolting into dangerous situations and that despite the parents best efforts, can't be broken of it. The harness guarantees the safety and gives the child a bit of room to be on his own. I cannot count the dirty looks I've gotten for the harness. Hundreds, at least. Most days, I don't care. Some days, I come home and cry. It's so frustrating, because I know if they'd just have the guts to say something, I could tell them about him. But judgmental jerks tend to also be cowards.

I guess it all boils down to one thing: compassion. Be compassionate. Autism is an epidemic - it's going to affect someone you know. Learn about it. And don't assume the worst.

Poly want a ruling?

2011-03-30T13:17:00.000-07:00

In my travels across the blogs of the www, I ran into this post and was instantly infuriated by the overstepping of the BC government into the homes of its citizens. Attorney General Jones wants polygamists prosecuted. Unfortunately, he's including polyamory in his definition of polygamy.

There is a considerable difference between the two. Polygamy (usually polygyny - having multiple wives) is usually a culturally dictated form of marriage. It often means that girls are married to older men in arranged marriages. It also means that boys are sent away, because there are too many of them. Marriage is a proscribed institution in which there is no choice, no power, no say for the girls.

A polyamorous relationship is consensual, always between adults, and isn't passed on through generations (necessarily). They may be polygynist or polyandrist. There is love between partners, and the relationship is not arranged. It's not hard to understand if you've ever had an affair with someone you loved outside of your marriage. I mean, imagine your partners had been totally cool with it, and that the three of you could hang out together, enjoy a movie, share a home? It could be magnificent. Or it could suck donkey balls. You know, like monogamous marriages can be magnificent (like mine with Mr.FCS) or they can be disasters (like so so so many out there).

If the ruling is made against polygamy, I understand. As a feminist, I'm rather against the practice. When children are marrying and girls are given no choice in partner, and boys are sent to work camps (or mysteriously disappear), this is not okay. But the Attorney General really should have distinguished between polygamy and polyamory. Because if the law starts getting into the homes of loving families, taking children out of polyamorous homes, that is so far past not okay, I don't even have a good word for it.

June Cleaver, I am not. Despite my demographics.

2011-03-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

I'm the June Cleaver that the Conservatards are targeting. (I don't know how to link to a tweet, but that's what I saw twice this morning).

Okay, first and most important: Income splitting would help my family ENORMOUSLY. We'd pay far less tax if we could split my husband's income with my non-existent income. But so what? We can afford to pay the tax we're paying now. Many people can't afford to pay for daycare, so the mom (usually the mom) stays home. The family makes far less than they otherwise would, and the family suffers. So Harper says, "let's give them a tax break so it doesn't hurt so much". Well, okay... but there's clearly a better way. In Harper's plan, the family still can't afford for one parent to work. The choice is made for them by circumstance. Giving families universal daycare would allow for parents who want to work to be able to do so, and parents like me, who'd rather stay home*, can choose to stay home. Add income splitting to that, and I'd be thrilled, but hey, you can't have it all. Mind you, I think that if there were universal daycare, a lot fewer families would have only one employed parent, and there'd be less income splitting needed. But that's just a guess.

Second, and less importantly, I am getting REALLY sick and tired of having my choice to stay home be denigrated by feminists. I don't know one single SAHM who is at home because that's what her husband wants or that's what's expected of her by the patriarchy. Every one of us that *I* know, stays home because (1) she can't find a job that pays more than daycare costs; (2) she can't find a job, period; (3) there is no room in any of the daycares; (4) her kids are special needs kids. And I know one whose husband makes so much money**, she said, "I'd be stealing someone else's job for no good reason. And besides, I like being at home with the kids." You know, here we are, trying like hell to do what's right for us, for our kids, and everywhere I turn in the feminist world, I get June Cleaver shots thrown at me. As one of my favourite bloggers says, "Fokk that in the ear!" How about instead of tearing us down, give us some credit. We're not vapid dupes of the patriarchy, most of us. Of course, there are exceptions. But I tell you what, there are at least as many of them in the workforce. Do you see the high heels in offices?

* I'd rather have a safe daycare situation, but even with universal daycare, that'd be unlikely given my son's conditions. I'm choosing to stay home to look after him in a way that no one else reasonably can. I am extremely privileged to have this choice.

** Seriously. Dude. You should *see* their house. OMFG.

Dead women more valuable than live ones

2011-03-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

Consider the difference between these two stories:

Corpse of woman assaulted - man convicted

Living woman, in hospital, assaulted by health care professional - man convicted

Guess which one got two years and which got 3 months. Go ahead. Guess.

It makes me sick. It's clear that in the case of the dead woman, the judge just couldn't find a way to say that she brought it on herself. It is completely evident that the lives of living women are not valued in Canadian law. We are treated as complicit to these crimes. Sexual assault is treated as an act of impulse control failure by men who just find women too beautiful to resist instead of the acts of domination and terrorism that they are.

Let's screw over kids with Autism for money, again

2011-03-09T14:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, so it has come to my attention that I did not adequately explain the title of my recent post.

What's happened is that on Vancouver Island, Speech Language Pathologists were able to refer children for Autism assessments. In the rest of the province, only MDs could. This was deemed unfair, and they removed the privilege from SLPs. Why is this a money issue? Simple. Because if your doctor won't refer your kid because your doctor ~~is a moron~~ doesn't know a damn thing about Autism except for what s/he learned in the 1 class in med school and is afraid of sending a bad referral, you'll be sent to a Pediatrician who "will know better if this should be done". It takes a minimum of 6 months to get into a Ped's office. This means that a referral process will start a minimum of 6 months later, which means, in cases where Autism is diagnosed, the province will have to cough up a minimum of $11,000 less money for the child's treatment.

It's all about money, and screw those damn kids.

IWD - a day late and a dollar short

2011-03-09T11:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was International Women's Day, and my husband managed to piss me right off by doing what I perceived to be minimizing the effect of sexism in our society. He's a hardcore socialist, and fully believes that it is entirely capitalism that causes virtually every problem that women have, because men have commodified us due to rampant capitalism. Interesting thought.

Anyway, I was getting good and mad at him for constantly talking about how it's the poor that have problems, not women, all the while admitting that women are poor more often than men. I shot back, "Right. Because rich women never get raped or beaten." Ha. Take that, Mr. FCS! (He said something about that not being relevant to a discussion of glass ceilings - I think it's the very point. If women are things to be dominated, what difference is there between physical terror domination and systemic economic domination). Which reminds me, do any of you have stats on rape in socialist countries like Sweden or Norway? He's betting they'll be lower than here or the US. I'm betting no difference.

Mr. FCS readily admits that women have it worse than men in all areas of society. He thinks this is men's fault. He also thinks this is entirely capitalistic. However, he also thinks that the poor have it worse than women in terms of ever getting ahead. I don't think these things can be separated. We agreed finally on the statement: Our system is set up to fuck everyone but ruthless, privileged, white men.

So what do you think? Does capitalism cause more feminist problems due to making women a commodity? How about the issue of ruthlessness? If people striving for the top of our economic system have to use and abuse people to get there, is it any wonder that women, who are already objectified in the media, are pushed aside?

(Any misrepresentation of Mr. FCS's opinions is totally his fault for making me incoherently furious yesterday)

Let's screw over kids with Autism - For MONEY!

2011-03-08T19:17:00.000-08:00

In early January, I sent around a letter explaining why I was so upset that SLPs had been removed from the referral process for Autism in BC. I just got a response from the Ministry of Health. What. A. Joke. My comments are in regular. Hers in italics.

>Thank you for your email received January 27, 2011, regarding autism
>assessment. I apologize for the delayed response.

I think you mean letter, not email, but that's okay. :)

>I appreciate that your personal experience has provided a unique
>perspective on autism assessment and that you have taken the time to
>share your comments with the Ministry of Health Services (the Ministry).
>
> *snip* One reason for accepting physician only referrals,
>is care from one physician can only be transferred to another physician.
>The assessment reports often include recommendations for the child and
>family that are health related and that care can only be managed by
>another physician.

When my son was diagnosed, the doctor on the team sent the recommendations to our family doctor. My son was referred by the speech pathologist. It didn't make a difference. Those recommendations were still sent.
What you don't address here is what people can do if they don't have a family doctor. Clinic doctors are happy to send anyone for a referral to a specialist, esp. a pediatrician, who will take at MINIMUM 6 months to see the child.

>Enforcing the existing policy has had an impact on Vancouver Island,
>where speech language pathologists were making referrals and now are
>not. The reason the process changed was to ensure standardization and
>equity within the program across all regions.

Then speech pathologists accross the province should have been allowed to make the referrals. That too would have guaranteed equity and standardization. In fact, it would have improved access for more children. Especially in areas where there is only one doctor.

>I realize that going from doctor to doctor did not provide your family
>with a continuum of care.

Excuse me? Are you suggesting I was doctor shopping? We went from doctor to doctor because one doctor quit, one retired, and one died.

The province has made significant investments
>to strengthen and expand the role of primary care physicians and has
>funded a number of prototype integrated health networks across the
>province, all of which help serve as a foundation for the next phase of
>system planning.

Oh please. That does NOTHING to enhance their knowledge of Autism, which is limited to one class in one course. If the child isn't a textbook case, they'll be dismissed. Autism is a spectrum disorder. No two children present identically. Doctors do not have the same training or the same *time* with children. An SLP spends hours and hours with children. A doctor spends minutes. I have never yet been given more than 20 minutes by a doctor. Our SLP spent an hour per month with us for over a year.

>For many British Columbians, the first point of contact within the
>health care system is with primary care providers, such as family
>physicians.

Yes, and they send us on to someone else, like the SLP. If she has to send us back, it wastes valuable time. And if the family physician then in turn says "I don't know about Autism, go see the pediatrician" it wastes yet another 6 months - the most valuable months we have. I don't think you're seeing how this is hurting kids.

Regional health authorities are re-orienting their services
>around family physicians through Division of Family Practice and
>collaborative services committees. Division of Family Practice give
>physicians a stronger collective voice and more impact on health care
>services in their community while helping them work together to improve
>their clinical practices, offer comprehensive patient services, and
>influence health service decision-making in their communities.

That's utterly irrelevant to Autism referrals. Especially if the doctor is ignorant of the subject. What good does a stronger collective voice do if doctors are uneducated about Autism?

>Again, thank you for writing. I appreciate the opportunity to respond.

I just wish it had done some good. :(

My Name

This is getting a little random

2011-03-07T12:44:00.000-08:00

Here's the thing. I hate February. And March. But especially January. My kids all have birthdays within a month of each other (WTF, body? Getting knocked up *3* times for Canada Day? Not cool. Patriotic, I suppose, but not cool) So yeah. I hate it. And then politics pisses me off. And people piss me off more.

I would move to Sweden in a heartbeat if Mom didn't live here. I am not impressed with the Harper ~~regime~~ Government. No, not at all. Nor am I impressed with the legacy of Gordon Campbell, and the inevitable cleanup that will be involved with that. I'm voting for John Horgan, though at this point, anyone that promises me that NDs will be allowed to bill MSP for testing will win my vote. Honestly, how irresponsible are the ~~Conservatards~~ Liberals for allowing NDs to prescribe medicine but not be allowed to test to see if patients need it, or if the med is working, or even if the med is doing damage?! It's CRAZY!

And then there's the OMGHeadEXPLODE Autism Funding Unit. Seriously, is that place run by trolls? Pop was dx'd in November. They still have no record of him in their computer. His service provider has not been paid. At all. Whenever I call about it, they accuse me of not sending in the invoice payment form. I inform them that I have, they say that I haven't. I tell them to go check the in-box. They grumble and bitch, then come back and say, "Well, we got it on Feb 8!" Yeah, a MONTH AGO! And furthermore, that was the second copy I sent in. They lost the first one. GRRR.

Also, can someone tell me why if I don't use all of their funding this year, I can't hold it over to next year? It's stupid. I mean, Snap's giving back $5000 of $9000 because I had a rough year and we didn't spend it all. Really? So now we can't use that money. Not her fault, but too bad.

And finally, if a politician will fix it so that NDs can be covered by MSP or Autism Funding, I'd not only vote for her/him, I'd fix every computer in the office for a year. That's right, a year of free tech support.

I'm tired, and I'm cranky. Pop doesn't think sleep is a worthwhile venture. Crackle does, but stopping at all for anything else EVER is not cool with him. And Snap is a teenager. It takes all my energy to just not strangle her. And dammit, my foot still hurts! /whining

Stop confusing God's will with your own

2011-02-24T12:04:00.000-08:00

No. Not just no, but HELL NO. A military chaplain apparently told a rape victim that her rape was God's will and that she should attend church more often.

Oh. Your. God. Because that is not my God. No way, no how, no chance.

What in bloody hell is wrong with that chaplain?! How can he honestly think that God thought, "Ya know, Sgt Havrilla sinned once too many times. I think I'm going to have GI Joe rape her today. That'll make her come and worship me"? WHAT?! He's out of his fucking mind!

God LOVES. Rape is an act of hatred and control. God doesn't do that. Ever.