15 September 2011

Little Bitches*

The other day on Twitter, I read, "Six year old daughter has finally learned that little girls are mean, spiteful, bitchy, hateful creatures. Nothing new under the sun." And I bristled. Because I'm a feminist. But I also nodded. Because I'm a mom to a girl and we experienced this too. And because I was a little girl, and experienced it there too. My own kid was no exception, and I expect that I wasn't either.

When my daughter was six, she told the Muslim girl down the road that she couldn't play with her because she doesn't like people with brown skin. Oh. My. God. And of course, the parents assumed it was coming from me and her Dad. HELL NO it wasn't. As it turned out, Snap didn't like the kid and had to figure out something to say to tell her to go away. She could have just as easily said she didn't like girls who wore red dresses. I FLIPPED MY SHIT. I talked to the darlin' girl. I talked to her Dad. I cried. He looked at me like I had lost my fucking mind. Of course, he hadn't seen the news that day and I had. It was September 11, 2001. Seriously. I shit you not. My six year old daughter told a Muslim that they couldn't play because of the girl's skin colour on September Fucking 11th. Yeah. Nice timing, kid. So yeah, once we had it all out, it was okay again. I had the girl decide what Snap's punishment should be (which she TOTALLY loved and was very reasonable and fair - don't worry, I wouldn't have meted out an unfair one, regardless of what the girl wanted) and all was well.

Snap's a very accepting kid now. Thanks be! She's got to have one of the strongest senses of justice I've ever seen. I love that about her.

So what are we doing to our daughters? Why are they becoming "mean, spiteful, bitchy, hateful creatures"? I see it all the time. I cannot deny it. And it's not a case of girls with strong personalities are being called this because we can't handle the idea of strong girls. Little girls are MEAN. (I'm not saying boys aren't. I'm not saying anything about boys. I want to keep this to the girls for the moment). I've heard them tell other girls they are fat, ugly, and stupid, that their parents don't like them, that they're adopted because they were too ugly to keep, that they're so stupid no one will ever love them... it goes on and on. Where the hell is it coming from? Is it a healthy stage? (Doubtful). Is it something new? Is it a case of trying to find dominance in a male-dominated world? Honestly, I don't know and I want input.

*Yes, I'm using the word "bitch" rather ironically. It's intended.

And yes, eventually, I will come back in time to Thursday and write another post in the Throat-Punch Thursday series. Thanks for reminding me I'm a failure, Dr. Dawg. :D