22 March 2013

Are you kidding me with this bullshit?

Feminism is more necessary than ever. A Canadian Con MP, Minister Keith Ashfield, told a little girl that she was a great cook and would make someone a good wife someday.
 Skip to 5:30.

GODDAMNIT. This is 2013. Why are we not saying to a kid like that, "Grace, you are an awesome cook! You could be a chef in the finest restaurant in town!"

But this asshole says she'll make someone a good wife. At least he didn't say 'some man'. Small consolation.

In other amusing news, every time my daughter says she's going into Women's Studies, someone asks her if she means gynecology.

I guess the fight needs to be stepped up a bit.

19 March 2013

My Hockey Hero

The Steubenville case has reminded me of something that happened to me when I was 18. My friend and I were at a party. We didn't know anyone there, but we were having a grand old time. It wasn't an ordinary party, really. There was a hockey tournament in town, and a bunch of hockey players from all over Canada were in town. A few of them were staying at one house near my friend's place, and as we were walking, they invited us to come into the yard and have a beer. We were young and stupid. And they were hot. So what the hell. And we had a great time. I had a beer I was guarding (I wasn't totally stupid). My friend was getting plastered. And we were having fun. They were flirting and chatting, and generally being awesome. I was flirting hardcore with one very very attractive guy and as the night went on, so was he with me. About 10pm the ambience changed, and I was uncomfortable, and the guy told the others to leave us. YAY! I was game. As soon as they left, he said to me, "You need to get your friend out of here. NOW."** I was stunned. I had noticed the change in the feel, so I said, "Oh my God. Thank you." I left the room, and he shouted obscenities at me to cover what he'd just done. I grabbed my friend and we got the hell out of there. She didn't want to go, but I wasn't having any of it.

That guy was a fucking hero. I don't care that he didn't tell the others it wasn't cool. Who knows, maybe he'd tried that before. But he got me and my friend out of there. He was awesome.

He was drafted that year and played in the NHL until about 3 years ago. I always cheered for any team he played on. And no, I'm not telling you who it was. Feel free to guess though. :)

**My memory is fuzzy. I may have suggested we leave and he said, "That is a VERY good idea". Regardless, he's still my hockey hero.

Happy Birthday Snap

Happy Birthday to Snap! My baby is 18 years old. It's stunning. And terrifying. There's no more "she's a minor, you talk to me!". She's on her own with the world and the authorities. She's not ready, and neither am I! She's sure looking forward to R movies though! Hehe. Too bad none are on tonight that are remotely interesting to her. She wanted to go to one on her birthday.

She's going to college this fall. She's going into the local college's university transfer program, with plans to go into Women's Studies at UVic. She's amazing. She's got learning disabilities (Look into NLD), anxiety, depression, asperger's. And she's rocking it. She's fighting it and winning.

I remember when she was born, so vividly. Even then, she did things a bit backwards. She was "sunny side up". And she was perfect.

She's got a great sense of humour. A sense of justice like one rarely sees in a teenager. She's stubborn as a mule. Sarcastic. Witty. Snarky. Thoughtful.

I love her.

p.s. OMG OMG OMG. I'm freaking out a little. I raised a kid to adulthood. OMG OMG OMG.

02 March 2013

I'm Peter Johnson, and this is my son Dick.

So, today I managed to tell a 75 year old woman for the first time that her surname is slang for penis. She's had this name for 50 years. And no one clued her in until today. I feel ridiculous. Here's the story, as verbatim as I can remember it:

I had told a bit of a story about my last name during a Christian healing workshop called Encountering the Wise One. So this older lady stopped to tell me about her name.
Lady: I loved your story about your name. I have a story about mine too. I love my name.
Me: *glances at name tag, starts to smile*
Lady: I just love it. It's Dong. It's the Vietnamese currency. When I got married, about 50 years ago, and was young and shallow, I was sure it would bring me luck. That we'd be prosperous.
Me: Oh how nice! Sure beats thinking about the other meaning.
Mrs. Dong: What other meaning?
Me: *brain is screaming UNSAY! UNSAY! SHUT UP NOW!* You mean no one has ever told you? You don't know the other meaning? *smiling, half thinking she's joking*
Mrs Dong: No. I have no idea what you mean. There's another meaning for Dong?
Me: Uh yeah... it's slang for penis. You didn't know?
Mrs Dong's mouth drops open: You are not serious! Really?!
Me: 'Fraid so. I can't believe you'd never heard that.
Mrs Dong: Oh my. I wonder if my kids know.
Me: *blinking rapidly, trying not to make things worse* Yeah, I suspect they were clued in.
Mrs Dong: Well, this is perfect! I LOVE my name. *looks at me to see if I get her double entendre*
Me: *laughing* Oh good. I'm feeling kind of ridiculous that I told you after all these years of you not knowing. I'm glad it doesn't bother you.
Mrs Dong: Oh no. It's a perfect name for me and my husband. We're very sensual people.
Me (choking on a dong?): Uh.
Mrs. Dong: Let's go get some lunch. I have just GOT to tell the ladies about this.
Me: And I have to see this.

So we went into the sanctuary, and sat down at the tables that were set up and she told the story of her name, and then the story of how I told her what else it meant. Two of the women were dumbfounded. They didn't know that term either.

The other one, the eldest, about 85 years old: "YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT WORD?! Okay..."
One of the clueless: Well where did you hear it?
Mrs 85: *grinning her face off* I must have read it somewhere.

So, are you getting this? I was the one to inform a woman that her name means penis, and I did it at a Christian retreat. Yes. I am entirely that capable of putting my foot into my mouth. At least this time, I didn't try to shoot my foot once it was in there.