GEEZ. This has taken me a whole week to write. Busy, busy Luna.
I went back to the Option Institute for another course in the Son-Rise Program. Last week [week before last, now], I flew to New York (via Vancouver and Toronto) and then took a bus and then a cab to get there. It was a massive pain in the ass and the wallet. And it was worth every minute and every cent. I've been back for three days, and already Crackle is making better eye contact. Not kidding. Even the employees have mentioned it.
Maximum Impact, the name of the course I took, is amazing. It's about transforming myself into a force of nature, someone who can make anything happen. Watch the fuck out, Dr. Fuckface (see previous post). It was very freeing and very empowering. It seems like common sense, and to some extent it is, but breaking it down in to tiny steps is seriously useful. They did that very well, and I walked away from it feeling much calmer, more relaxed, and just plain sure of myself.
My favourite part is remembering that I can be happy about anything, and that it's okay if I'm not. But if I want to be, I CAN. And that's really, really empowering. So many lessons though. "Love First, Act Second" might be my new words to live by.
And you know what's really truly cool? The lessons we got at church last week and this week fit in perfectly with the Son-Rise program principles. Today, the scripture was the story of the Samaritan woman whom Jesus approached at the well and asked for a drink of water (*gasp*). He knew her for who she was, an outcast among outcasts, and loved her. Not despite it. But for who she was. How very much like the teachings at Max Impact. To love people as they are, for who they are, not despite who they are. To accept them wholeheartedly.
And last week, the story of the woman who came begging for healing for her daughter, someone afflicted by demons (which, by the way, is what some people still believe autism is. I'm not kidding. SMH.) Jesus sent her away and then changed his mind when she said that even dogs are fed by the crumbs their masters drop. Damn skippy. That's a lady who can fight for her kid. MY lesson was that a mother's love can change anything, even the mind of Jesus. But I think the message was supposed to be that Jesus decided there and then that God's love was for everyone.
You know what's kind of awesome? I didn't get angry this week. Not once. Oh sure, plenty of crap happened that I didn't like, but I didn't choose to be angry about any of it. Not Duffy/Wallin/Brazeau/Stevil. Not the rapes at UBC. Not the "Oh, we're not telling you how that law will affect you until after it's passed" thing that Clement came up with this week. None of it. I just decided that a) I'd do what I could, which was very little except boosting the signal; b) My anger wouldn't help anyone, including myself, so nope, not doing it. Not that it would be bad or something if I did. I just didn't want to, so I didn't. I like that.
I have learned that anger comes from fear. Every. Single. Time. Though, I'm openminded enough to work through an example that someone thinks is something else. Not to prove I'm right, but to see where I'm wrong. If you'd asked me a year ago what scared me, I'd say "dentistry and rats". Nothing else. I wasn't scared of anything, and fuck you if you said otherwise. Then ask me what makes me angry. The list is much much longer. I could go on for hours about shit I was mad about.
I'm angry with Dr. Fuckface, for example, because I'm afraid for my Mom's life, and I'm afraid of what he's doing to other people. I'm angry with Stevil because I'm afraid of what he's doing to Canada. I know I won't like it, and I'm afraid to live in the awful dystopia he seems to be creating. I'm angry with Crackle (not anymore, but I was) because I was afraid that his noises would mean I would lose my hearing, or my sanity. Or first one, then the other. Etc. This is simplified, by the way. It's much more complex. But this is the boiled down version. And so screw it. I'm deciding not to be as afraid as I used to be. If Stevil wrecks Canada, I'll live. If my Mom dies, it'll suck, but I'll live. If Crackle never stops screaming, I'll wear earplugs and miss the UPS guy, but I'll be okay. And in the meantime, I'll work my ass off to see that none of these things happen. But I'm not going to fear them any more.