06 August 2013

Adventures in Holidays

I just spent the weekend in Anaheim, California. It was my daughter's grad gift - a trip to VidCon. Disney was just something to do on Sunday. And she didn't enjoy it. Hehe. Good girl. So while she was VidConning (it's a word because I say it is), I was lying by the pool, floating in the pool, hanging out with my most awesome friend Martin and drinking a LOT of wine. Like the "I need a liver cleanse" kind of a lot. Snap lost her camera (stolen?) while there, and she's pretty heartbroken about all the missing pictures. John Green retweeted my tweet for help finding it (to more than 1.6 MILLION people), and that was amazing. Random strangers are checking the Hilton lost and found, searching the lobby, leaving their numbers with front desk to try to get it back for me. YouTubers are kind of cool people. Snap was in her glory. It's like she got there and found Her People. There were 11,000+ people there, and they were pretty amazing people. In the shuttle on the way to the con, every single person in there was going to VidCon. The woman next to me asked us all if we minded if she vlogged while we were there. As in, "Do y'all mind shutting up for 2 minutes while I video myself?" Everyone obliged happily. She accidentally caught one guy in her video and apologised profusely for recording him without permission. He laughed and said that he had waivers in his bag. HA! He was kidding, but you get the drift.

It is REALLY hard to find food in Anaheim that is gluten-free, dairy free, and meat free. Like REALLY REALLY hard. I walked 2 miles to the nearest grocery store - which sucked donkey balls - and caught a cab back. That was fun (not really). There was not a single piece of organic produce in the store. Their was no "health food" section. There were no packaged gluten free things. I bought regular produce and some peanuts and lived on that for 5 days (and gained 4 lbs). That and booze (why I gained the weight). Holy shit is wine cheap there. I bought a bottle of this for $4.50. For reference, check out the BC liquor board price.

The cabbie on the way back was funny. I asked him where he was from because he had an accent I wasn't familiar with. He said, "China". I blinked, because 1) he was black; b) his accent was decidedly not Chinese. But who the hell am I to call someone on that, so I said, "Oh. Okay." He said, "Am I the first black Chinese you've ever met?" I said, "Most definitely". So he said, "HA! I'm kidding. I'm from Africa". Smartass. So I said, "Oh, well yes, that does make more sense. Which part of Africa?" And he said, "If you can guess in 20 seconds, I'll give you half price on your fare." Hehe. So I said, "Somalia!" Nope, 15 seconds (he counts fast) "Ethiopia!" *mouth hangs open* "No one has EVER guessed. Ever. Uh... I can't actually give you 50% off." Hahahaha. So I told him that he had to give me some sort of deal (I was kidding, but figured I'd tease him a bit back) and he said, "Okay. I'll turn the meter off here and you don't have to tip me." LOL. So my $10 cab ride cost me $7.50. As I was getting out, he said, "So how did you guess, anyway?" I laughed and told him I am a linguist and collect accents in my head. I'd already narrowed it down to eastern Africa by the time I heard the first sentence he said. And I knew it wasn't Nairobi either, so... Hehehe.

Anaheim is a weird place. The economy is clearly all tourist driven. I suppose that's why there are so few grocers around. And it's clean. Like really clean. I saw someone wiping down garbage cans. All the cleaning staff speaks English, unlike every other American hotel I have ever stayed at. Honestly, I learn few Spanish phrases that I know I will need before I go, because I expect it. That said, does someone know how to say "Please put fresh sheets on the bed", because apparently I've got it wrong. Am I asking for them to be fresh like produce? Am I saying I want them to be brand new? I dunno. I've also learned, "Thank you. It looks lovely in here" and "Can I help you with that?"

I like to fly. The environmentalist in me is screaming, but I really really like flying. I like being in the air, I like looking at the clouds, the terrain, the tiny communities. On Thursday morning, my flight took off at 6am, which meant getting up at 3:15am. Ugh. But from above the clouds, I got to see the sun coming up over the Salish Sea. It was magnificent. It's times like that when I really feel close to God. I mean, sure, some of it is probably the Heaven in the Clouds symbolism, but not all of it. The sense of serenity I get up there, I attribute to the reminder of just how small everything is, but also how magnificent. And how tiny and insignificant we seem, even from above only a tiny area of the tiny planet in the tiny solar system of the immense universe, but that God loves us anyway. Or something. I dunno. All I know is I am never more calm and serene as when I'm at 35,000 ft. I rambled all of this to someone in the airport (Yeah, I'm THAT asshole) and she grinned at me and said, "And WHY aren't you a flight attendant?" I laughed and said, "Sure, or pilot, because hello, sexist!" And she laughed and said, "I am a pilot. Not commercial, mind you. But calm and serene is what we need in flight attendants." Ha!

So I'm back home, back to the real world, and armed with all of Martin's best jokes. Like, "guess who I bumped into on the way to the optician?" "Everybody".

You're welcome.