20 June 2011

And somehow, it still all comes back to politics

Shoot me now. My inlaws just announced they're buying an RV so they'll have some place to stay when they come to visit*. And now they can stay longer. FML.

My inlaws are lovely people. Really they are. I'm sure of it. They're conservatards (but love programs like EI for the seasonal workers in their area), they're Catholic, and worst of all? They mean well.

People who mean well are the hardest for me to deal with because dammit, they mean well. It's really hard to lay down the Fist of Destruction on them. They want to come out for a month (!) to "help". They recognise that we're totally overwhelmed, and want to help. What they don't get is that it's MUCH harder when they're here, because Grandpa Grouch is a miserable SOB about 2/3 of the time, and the nicest guy on the planet the other 1/3. And we never know which to expect. I have to keep feeding him sugar to keep it in the happy zone. He doesn't like the food we eat, but won't go out to eat during our meals (we can't go out due to allergies and intolerances of various sorts). So he sulks or has a nap (by which I mean, he lies on the couch (3 of the 4 places to sit in the living room) and closes his eyes and pretends to sleep.) And then is grumpy. Last time he came, it took him 7 hours to say anything to me. I mean anything at all.

Neither of them will discuss autism or the kids' health problems, which are numerous. They say "mmm" and that's it, if we try to talk about it at all. This is a problem, because frankly, our lives revolve around their autism and other health problems. Crackle has to go over to Vancouver Children's to talk to the uber-specialist, i.e. the specialist here couldn't figure out wtf was going on and said this guy in Vancouver is the guy she turns to when she's stumped. So there are Issues. Hell, there are entire subscriptions. But we are not to talk about it. I don't know why. Because they will not talk about it. It's stunningly disrespectful.

And speaking of which, one of my sisters-in-law made a veiled comment about M√ľnchhausen's by Proxy - she thinks we (I) am poisoning the kids to make them sick for attention. She is NOT welcome in my house.

They don't respect me or my parenting choices particularly much though, and that I do stomp out like a campfire in July. They're big believers in "a little won't hurt" and actively give my kids shit they're not allowed to have. Because it'll taste good! Give 'em a little! Just water the Pepsi down! It won't hurt. A little milk in my coffee won't hurt him! "Your Mommy is so mean!" Seriously? I just say, "I sure am. So mean that I won't let my kids get sick when I can prevent it. Terrible. I make them wash their hands after pooping too! Call the cops!"

So I'm dreading this. DREADING it, I tell you. Because I know they want to come help. I know they can't see how much of a PITA they are. And I know that telling them will hurt them much much much worse than it will hurt me to deal with them for a month. But I'm still going to bitch about it. :)

(Oh, and did I mention? We're not allowed to drink when they're here. No wine. I'm not even allowed to put it in the food. Even though he won't eat it anyway. I think I could handle it if I could just keep a nice buzz on through the evenings. You know, something to get me through the day! Yes, I'm kidding. Mostly.)

I've come to believe that people like my inlaws, the ones who won't talk about things, are avoiding the issues. They're in heavy duty denial mode, because they can't handle it. They're like the ones I mentioned in my ramblings about Hope. Everything will fall apart in the house of cards they've built around themselves if something like Autism happens. I don't know if this is true, but it's my current theory. Though they seem okay with their granddaughter who has CF... so I dunno. Anyway, it would certainly explain why they vote Conservative. :) No, really! Completely oblivious to the facts, wrapped up in their own little world, unable to see the big picture, no compassion for situations outside their own. Love thy neighbour literally means the people they can see from their yards.

Let's hope they change their minds.

*Seriously? You can get a lot of hotel rooms for the amount they'll drop on the RV they're looking at. A lot. With room service. And bathtubs.


fern hill said...

Oy, Luna. How awful.

Can't your husband do anything? Talk some turkey to them?

The no drinking is particularly cruel. Maybe your doctor can prescribe some mild tranks. Especially if you tell him or her that a prescription might forestall serious mayhem to others (only somewhat kidding).

Luna said...

Thanks fern. I'm considering stowing away a bottle in my room. :)

And no, my husband doesn't get any further with them than I do.

When Pop was dx'd with Autism, they were here. They looked after Crackle during the appointments and meetings. They didn't ask anything about it after. 24 hours later, MrFCS finally said something about it - and Grandma PassiveAggressive said, "So, he has autistic tendencies?" "No. He has Autism. Autism." "Mmm." That's it. That is all she said. Every time he tries to talk about it, they change the subject, or my favourite, tell him not to dwell on the negative.

(Can't have tranqs. Pop still nurses. Wine is okay because it's in the milk at the same concentration as in the blood. So even if I was at .1, he'd get less booze than in a tbsp of his gripe water.)

fern hill said...

Won't deal with facts. Yup, Conservatard.

Maybe do some research on gas prices and RV mileage, results to be dropped casually into future conversations. Something subtle like: 'I read that some experts think that gas will go to $3 bucks a litre by the fall. So, what kinda mileage does your average RV get?'

All good Conservatards, if you believe Dear Leader, care only about their wallets.

Allie said...

Oh man. For your SIL to call it MBP-- obviously she's never actually met someone with MBP-- or she'd never dream of mentioning it snidely like that for fear you'd do more damage to the kids.

Goodness. Sounds like you have your hands full with family! Perhaps you could keep a flask somewhere! And if they find it, you could just say, "Well, a little won't hurt!

Betty Fokker said...

Fuck 'em. It's your house. Drink wine if you want to.

Also, have you thought about taking the MIL with you to a doctor's appointment? You know how conservatives adore patriarchal authority and its representatives ... she might listen to the MD.

Luna said...

Allie: Yeah. Exactly. Though she said it in a way that was clever enough that I couldn't call her on it because she had plausible deniability that she didn't mean me. :( Still, not impressed.

I like the flask idea. LOL.

Luna said...

'I read that some experts think that gas will go to $3 bucks a litre by the fall. So, what kinda mileage does your average RV get?'

LOVE it! I told MrFCS this one. He thinks it's doomed to fail. Somehow, it'll still be cheaper than flying. It's that dealing with the facts thing again. But I intend to try! :)