04 August 2011

New and inventive ways Jesus worked for me.

How I got rid of my stalker. Feel free to use this.
The guy’s name was Keith and he stalked a number of girls/women. Several exes and me, his friend’s ex. Anyway, it was my turn (again), and he was following me freakin’ everywhere. One Sunday, I got mad and went to church. Afterward, he was standing there, trying not to be seen, watching, so I went up to him and said, “I am *so* glad to see you here! It is so wonderful that you’ve found Jesus! Here, take my hands!” Then I grabbed his hands and went off on the longest, sappiest, most cloying Jesus prayer I could think of. I prayed for his soul. I prayed for his health. I prayed for his family. I prayed for the baby of the people he was standing with pretending to know. I prayed for any and everything I could think of in that moment. 
NO ONE likes an evangelist (of that sort, anyway). I never saw him again.